My baby is gone...

Well, she's gone. Never looked back. Right on the bus. I didn't think it would bother me as much as it did. No tears, just a lot of anxiety. I am now waiting for the bus to drop her off... Twenty five minutes or so...

No gym today. Maybe I should have gotten up early this morning for a run. Maybe I wouldn't feel so bleh now. WW was a bust. Not that the meeting wasn't worth it - I love my leader. The scale just was not so agreeable. It read that I was up. I know that I am not. In fact, when I got on the scale this morning, it read that I had lost half a lb. There is always next week... Yesterday, someone at the Y asked me if I was losing weight, and that I looked good. Hard to take a compliment when the loss seems so small to me(15lbs and 40 to go). But it was nice. It was motivating.

I ate cookies last night. I think it was the bad scale and my daughters first day that drove me down that dark road. As soon as I was done though, I went to the computer and wrote down every last crumb. It took all of my spin points and 3 of my flex for the week. Eat nothing all day and then a bunch of cookies put me well over points for the day... dumb and SO NOT worth it! Owning it. Moving on.

The last day of summer...

Today is my daughter's last day of summer and it's pouring... I guess we should be thankful that we don't live on the Gulf coast...

Luckily we got to the Y for spin and then a playdate and now we are home for lunch and a break. I ate light - but I am STILL hungry... I don't know why I do this, but I typically don't eat a lot on weigh in day, as if the food will cause all my week's good efforts to disappear in the lbs of food I'll consume before 6 p.m.... I did sneak on the scale and frankly I am NOT happy with what it says... I really - no REALLY - wanted to have 2 weeks in a row with a pound or more loss. I think its going to be the same or maybe just slightly below. We'll just have to see.

Good Run... I feel like I am on a role...

I ran over 5 miles on the treadmill this morning. Not a stellar pace, but I kept running... After my awesome bike ride yesterday I feel like I am on a role... I am stepping up the intensity and, more importantly, sticking to my eating plan. I don't want to speculate on where I will be weight-wise by October, but I am hoping to FINALLY reach my 10% at ww. Yes, its taken the better part of the year, but frankly I feel like I am in the race, I am not quitting - EVER!

Time to get clean and get cleaning... My goal is to get through 2 rooms this week - spotless and de-junked.

I Love My Bike

This morning I hooked up with an old neighbor for a bike ride. We rode together last year, but just haven't meshed schedules with my tri training and our kids this summer... It was nice to reconnect, and now that my Tri season is over, we are going to ride every Saturday morning until the snow comes. I am also going to go with her and 2 other friends for our own metric century in a few weeks! SO - I will have accomplished another "to do" on my list for the year. I am glad.

The ride this morning was a regular 20+ mile loop through country roads around town. The temp was in the 70s and I felt really good. We finished with a 13.6 mile average - which was 2 miles above 0ur best ride last year for this pretty hilly course. Spinning has done wonders for me!

Later, my prego sis and her husband came over for the afternoon and along with Gram and the kids we walked to town for a late lunch. It's raining now, so the kids are watching a movie. Mom gets to catch her breath... Did I mention my 5 year old let the hampster out again?! Still MIA after more than 24 hours... I am preparing myself for the stink to come... Five is NOT old enough for a hampster Grandma(MIL)!!!! ** AND IT IS NOT A GOOD PRESENT !!

I am doing OK with WW this week. Still writing my food down - and although I am slightly over in my flex points; I am exercising to make up for it. Hopefully I will show another loss this week. I am really counting on it. I feel strong and positive and surprisingly lighter...

My goals for the week are:

• 2 spinning classes
• 2 running sessions - 1 x 4.5 miles, 1 intervals for 45 min.
• 1 ab session /weights
• 1 long bike ride with Sara (20+)

That's enough. As far as the other part of my life is concerned; I have to keep it together as my 5 yr old heads off to kindergarten :( , and continue to clean things out. I made it to Salvation Army yesterday and have another trip to make this week. I feel like I am making a dent... Just trying to hold on to the motivation.

Simplify

Our house is small. Our income seems to get smaller by the day. We have too much stuff. We can't afford a bigger house. We need to get rid of the stuff. I am officially in clean out mode. My baby is going to be 3 in another month :( ! No more crib, high chair, bottles, car seat, saucer, port o crib, baby clothes, potty seats (she's been trained since 2), breast pumps, changing tables, ugh. GONE. Clothes too small - Salvation Army, Clothes too big (yeah!) - Salvation Army. Broken junk that gets sent to the basement - trash! Paper work that I keep for no apparent reason? Shread Shread recycle....

Run Run Run... I need to RUN! My workouts have been really weak lately and not thought out at all. I need a plan - I can't keep walking into the Y wondering why I am there. Without a Tri in my future, my structure is gone! I have a 10K coming up and perhaps a century if I can talk my sister into it, so I need the plan to do better this time and not just finish. MOJO where are you?

Diet - Good, then not so good. It is Friday and I am out of flex points. That's the not so good part. BUT I am accountable - writing everything down and I will continue to do so for as long as it takes! Happy Weekend!

Hooray for Me!

I have to pat myself on the back for NOT losing my mojo this week. The kids were psycho -crabby, not sleeping, fighting lots and I was pretty much the same. I didn't eat within my points - BUT - I kept track, wrote everything down and exercised even when I didn't want to ... The result was that I lost 2.8 lbs! I think a lot of that had to do with my dilligence the week before, however, when all was said and done the 15 points I over ate amouted to 800 calories... that's not even 1/2 pound... I am now firmly in the 180s, and at the lowest weight I have been at since 1997. Wow!

I know that keeping a food journal is key. As far as exercise, I have a 10K in October and I would like to do a century... I think... That means more training.... I'll be setting up the plan over the next day or so and will post it when I am done. I think the fitness challenge of doing a race a month is reasonable and a good motivator. And now I am off to start the day!

Going going gone....

First three days awesome and then... I blow it. I wrote everything down this week and I am over my flex pts by about 15... If it tells me anything, it's that I have every right to weigh what I weigh. My body is simply loving those extra calories and maintaining - not losing ... I haven't exercised so much this week - recovery and all... so what am I going to do come Tuesday? Oh yeah, tomorrow?!

I'll make it to the Y today and try to get into a spin class. I'll make a reservation for Wednesday... Tomorrow I am doing an end of summer road trip with the neighbors so my regular Tuesday is out... Own the number and move on... After tomorrow I have only one summer weigh in left. Could I please get it together?

Grumpy Mom

I am a grumpy mom. My kids are bickering and I am yelling. Not the way I like to start the day.

Yesterday was not a stellar eating day. I did not, however, use all my flex pts and for this I am thankful. I wrote everything down and then I went to bed at 8 so I wouldn't eat anymore. I haven't a clue why I felt the need to eat pub cheese and crackers until the container was empty?! I have no idea why I felt Cape Code potato chips were O.K. to eat like carrot sticks.... Mindless, and frankly not smart. Learn... Go on...

My house is a disaster... It is dirty, messy and I don't know where to begin. I need a plan for my day. I need to get my head together... I'll come back later and let you know where it went.

I read a lot of blogs...

I read a lot of blogs. Some, well most of my daily reads are inspirational. Others are the equivalent of train wrecks – you just keep on reading because you can’t believe how whacked / out of touch / bizarre someone else’s thought processes can be from you own.

I have one read in particular that I found 3 years ago through 3FCs. She’s mid 30s – like me, and has about the same amount of weight to lose. At the time I was training for my first triathlon, as was she, but this is where the similarities end. She did the tri – I did the tri and that was it for her… She had a lot of excuses for poor weight loss, poor performance and poor motivation. Since that first (and her last) tri, she has been excusing herself from regular exercise (fibromi-something, arthritis, etc.,) and concocted a string of quick fix diets to get to her goal, which is (as far as I can determine) to be able to shop in Vegas boutiques and look HOT! She goes on and on and on about how it was in her previous life; when she was at goal and apparently the envy of all; and now she is just a fat. She keeps talking about how her self-esteem and self-image are great and that it’s all about her body image (a la Dr. Phil). She seems to re-start and recommit every few weeks (this is it, Day 1, let’s get it on, finding her authentic self) setting new goal dates with outrageous goal weights attached to them. She then writes for a few days and disappears until the goal date has passed and she has to start anew. Her life is always wonderful; it’s just the weight that’s keeping her down.

Why am I ranting about a complete stranger? Probably because in all of her cattiness I see myself – just not so extreme… I want to lose this weight I have been carrying and part of it does involve vanity. I keep setting goals and not reaching them. I eat too much. I gain weight. I am consumed by this weight and the desire to change. I am no better than she is… Well, hopefully I am not so shallow.
That said – I made it to the gym this morning for 3+ miles on the treadmill (spin was cancelled L). I have been OP and logging my food now since 8/9. Not long yet, but you have to start somewhere. I didn’t see the number I wanted this week, but I am confident in what I will see next week. I want this to be the time it all CLICKS!

Keep on Swimming...

I tend to have Dory's voice (finding Nemo) in my head whenever I am in the pool doing laps, or most especially during a tri when you want to zone out and finish. I think its a good mantra for ww this week, since I stayed the same. 0 weight loss for August so far and only 2 weeks on my season pass left! Just keep swimming.... Don't lose focus....

I know that I have been OP. It seems that if I tweek a few things I'll be able to step it up. A big loss next week would be just the ticket. I going to go for it!

Fitness regimine has been sidelined since I got the dumb idea to paint my daughters' room... I have to finish today so I can put it all back together. My sister is coming tonight to help and I want it to be all done! She's pregnant and in denial. No need for her to inhale fumes from the top of a step ladder... I'll get back to the old routine soon. In the meantime, I did run yesterday and will try to get a bike in later... I really will miss my spin today!

Weigh Day....hmph!

So all week I have diligently logged food, exercised lots and watched the scale go down all week. Today is weigh day. I stepped on the scale like I do every morningl and it reads the same weight it did last week? How did I gain 3lbs overnight? Bummer... I know its water, or something... I know weight can fluctuate drastically at times, but could it wait and do this little fluctuation tomorrow? My reaction was to eat a plum for breakfast and go for a run/walk...

I am going to WW tonight, and I am recommitting to the program. I am going to try this again and hope that persistance will pay off eventually. I see no other alternative...

PLUS - Oct 30 is a duathlon --- 3k run 20k bike 3k run.... hmmmmmmm..... I'll see how I feel after the Tufts 10K.

Monday Morning

An 8 am trip to the dentist will keep me in step today ww-wise. I have no feeling in the right side of my face (nice). My nerves made any hunger I might have had go away and the food would fall out of my mouth if I tried to eat. I better see a good number tomorrow at my ww meeting.

Daughter #2 is napping away. She slept in a "big girl bed" for the first time and is now sharing a room with D#1. Needless to say there wasn't a whole lot of sleeping and a lot of fooling around. The crib is apart in the hall so there's no going back. I have a lot to do around the house. The tri and my recovery pretty much sucked up the weekend and the laundry is piled high. At least 1 kid is at camp all week so I should have some time to get it all together again.

I will take today off and then its back to my usual Y routine: spinning tuesday and thursday and running monday and wednesday. Friday is free for all and a bike ride on Saturday or Sunday. Thinking about taking a swim/stroke development class this winter. I want to see how the fall shapes up before I commit to another activity.

AND now I am off to start my morning.

Done for the Season

I called this race "APATHY 2005". It was HOT, It was muggy and it was DISORGANIZED!

My mom came with me for moral support; arriving at my house at 5:30 a.m. When we got to the site 30 min away, they directed us to the parking "about a quarter mile away". Let's just say they were off. By the time we reached transition my bike odometer read .7 miles. Did I mention that it was hot?

The race was supposed to start at 8 - I started my wave (ATHENA) at 9:10! The swim was relatively uneventful. The water was beautifully refreshing (spring fed). I had decided that I was walking the transition - 1/4 mile, uphill, on gravel. I would have had a flawless transition were it not for the mt bike that some "newbie" had leaned up against mine because he/she couldn't figure out how to rack it!

The bike was HOT and we had a wicked head wind for half the course. I managed to maintain an average 16 mph, which is good for me considering the conditions. My transition to run was fast!

The run was .... did I mention it was hot? Uphill the first 1/2 mile; and no water til mile 1.5. Given the conditions you would have thought there would have been at least water every mile!? I pretty much trotted the whole thing except the last 3/4 mile, which was down hill. Times aren't up yet, but I am estimating somewhere around 145 - my slowest of the year!

As for the "attractive finisher's medal" - they handed out iParty leas (sp) WHAT A DOWNER! There was no "post race feast". In fact, they were rationing the bottled water because they were running out! MAN!

Am I glad I did it? Sure - I got up and out there even though it was the last thing I really wanted to do yesterday. I feel awesome that I accomplished 3 triathlons this year! Am I still fat? YES!

Nice transtion... With the tri-season behind me, I am now in WW mode! I have been diligently logging my food and keeping within my points. I REALLY hope that it pays off at Tuesdays meeting! I reallly need a big loss before the end of the summer! Stay tuned!

Another Tri...

I have my third and last tri of the season tomorrow. You'd think I'd be psyched about it. Two under my belt, an opportunity to "best" myself, but you'd be wrong. I am anxious and ready for this to be over. The training is really getting to me... I feel like I've been focused so much on getting my workouts checked off that I have been neglecting other aspects of my life; mainly my diet. How could I possibly be fat after all this exercise???

I have recommitted to WW this week and have made it through 4 days of keeping to my points and writing things down. You have to start somewhere so I am hoping that this is just the beginning. I have been carrying around this weight for a long time... too long.... I have mastered the exercise thing (I even like it most of the time) and now I have to get the diet under control.

On another vein... the hamster is dying - I wish he would just get it over with... The kids are restless (feeding off of me no doubt) and our financial situation leaves a lot to be desired.... CALGON?