Back on track...

I spent the last weekend in a funk. My dear husband is having what I hope to be his mid-life crisis. He got a raise at work (yeah) and while I thought that meant we could pay for heat this winter, he decided that it meant he could buy that motorcycle he's been dreaming about... MAD as HELL I was... He is SOOOOOOOO selfish, self centered, not responsible with money. I seriously had to consider if this was an offense worthy of divorce. I decided that it was not, however, I am still not ready to forgive/forget. Time heals... right?

I thought I might be hungry this week, so I stocked up over the weekend... I now know it was my stress level, and this week I intend to make things better. I had an awesome spin class yesterday and went back to the gym last night for a killer upper body/abs workout. My triceps are talking to me this morning.

I will find out in 2 weeks whether I am on the Boston Marathon team or not. I am kind of hoping to make it so that "my plan" for this winter will be set with out me having to make to much of a mental effort. I am running a 5K this weekend with my sisters and brother... I hope that the spinning will have helped me as I haven't run in a couple of weeks.

Goals for the week are:
Write a food journal - stay on ww
Keep up with the exercise (spin x 2, bike 20 miles, 5k)
Mow the lawn... one last time before the leaves drop!

Off to start the day!

My NEW Tuesday schedule...

Tuesday is WW night. It is my night. My husband comes home early and puts the kids to bed. I go to WW. Last night I went to the gym. It was nice to not feel rushed to get the kids out of child watch. It was nice to take a LONG shower, sit in the sauna... I did 30 min on the elliptical and about 30 minutes of abs and arms. All that in addition to the 90 minute spin I did in the a.m. Now if I could just get my eating under control. It's not necessarily bad, I am just not writing things down. I need to make that a priority.

I want to be a BIG LOSER!

Today is not a gym day, so I have to con my little one into going for a nice long walk. She is nearly 3 and can't stand the stroller for more than a few miles. I also need to continue "OPERATION CLEAN OUT" which has moved to the office... Paper paper everywhere!

Good Spin...

Showed up at the gym for my regular Tuesday a.m. spin to find that the class has been changed to 90 minutes -- a pleasant surprise considering I haven't exercised since Saturday. It was a good sweat. I needed it.

I am putting together my workout schedule - which with any luck will be done by the end of the day. I am trying to ramp up my weights a bit and seriously think about the money i have been spending on WW. My thought is that I need to bank the money, try losing on my own --- and if I can't --- if I start to gain weight after a month, I will return. Insurance will pay for 12 weeks starting in January, so I'd like to lose a few on my own till the end of the year, save the money and get to lifetime before my "free" weeks run out next march. Since I'll be marathon training I am hoping that dieting -- or at least maintaining will be easier. Who am I fooling - it's never easy. It is worth it though and I need to keep reminding myself of that!

I'm Jealous...

Supportive husbands. I need one. I don't know what to write - just to say that I feel pretty lonely right now, and very in secure. I need to remind myself to not lose sight... I have to keep taking care of myself and my kids and think LONG TERM. I'm jealous of people who celebrate their spouses... I wish I could too.

Boston 2006??

A few years back I decided that I would do things the OPRAH way and run a marathon for my 40th birthday. At the time it seemed like a long way off so I talked and talked and talked until.... ummmm ---I am going to be 40 in a little more than 6 months. I thought about the Marine Corps Marathon since its supposed to be good for 1st timers (flat and fast), but the idea of training on my own just freaked me out. A friend suggested Team In Training. I went to the info session, filled out the packet, paid my non refundable registration, and now I'm waiting to see if I am picked (they only have so many "unqualified" runner slots). At first I wasn't sure if I really wanted to do this, but now I am SO hoping to make the team...
Send good vibes! October 21 is the big day!

On another note, I found a consulting position that really interests me... Things have been tight financially, so the idea of a relatively short - flexible assignment (500 hours through May) seems doable with the kids. Hopefully my neighbor will want a parttime job too (watching my kids at times)... We'll see how the interview goes.

Exercise is moderate; 3 -4 times to the gym. I still need that plan I keep talking about... I'll get it together eventually. Weight is steady - at least no gains!

Ouch !

I have an ingrown toenail. It hurts and I don't think I'll be running this morning. I actually don't feel much like running, so having the toe hurt is a pretty convenient excuse. Now I have to call the dr. get a referral and get it taken care of... OUCH! Hopefully I'll be able to spin tomorrow.

Back to ww tomorrow. I am going to cancel my on-line account to save money and just continue with the meetings. I NEED to go even if the scale doesn't move as fast (read - even if I don't follow the program religiously). It has to be on my mind, in my heart. I need to be vigilent! That said, I did take a few liberties this weekend. I drank some wine Saturday night, ate some cookies, had a McD sundae.... Today is Monday. Renewal.

Spin tomorrow if my foot can handle it. Lots to do around the house. Operation clean up and out continues...

I STILL like my bike...

But I really need to rethink my riding group. My neighbor - fine; but when E and K joined in it turned into a 2 hour blab session, and NOT the kind of ride I would have liked. I don't want to come off as too serious - I know that is just not the case, but when you all have kids and an opportunity to be without them for a few hours in the nice fresh fall air, why would you spend those precious moments complaining about how far your 8 yo's soccer game is to drive to, and why Mrs. Stillman is so stern with her 1st graders... I want to attack the up hills and spin right on down hill as fast as I can. I don't want to converse about who is and who is not volunteering for the PTA fundraiser... I don't care which pre-school is cheaper or better or more inclusive of parents. IWANTTO RIDEMYBIKE! I know I could just go by myself - and therein lies the problem. Why can't I? Some bizarre fear... I know the 20 mile route now and should be able to do it with out feeling so freaky...

Maintaining...

Maintaining my attitude... maintaining my weight. I am stilll positive and still ww-ing - even though a horrible traffic jam prevented me from attending my meeting yesterday. I am still a member and planning to go next week on schedule.

Had a great spin class yesterday and will spin again tomorrow. This morning I am feeling like I need a day to get myself together. My finances, my house all in disarray... Mojo -- low. When dd1 gets off to school, I will walk with my 2 yo - somewhere...

I do need to run. I still need a plan. Maintaining is good, but I really need to step it up. I also REALLY need to stop talking about it and do it!

Weight Watchers....

I was feeling really poor this week - looking at what we're going to have to pay this year for oil heat (yuck) and gas, and ... Can I afford Weight Watchers too?! I seriously considered quitting and doing it on my own. For those who are not fat, WW seems like a huge waste of money. I know what to eat, I own a scale, I go to the gym - so why WW? I' ve been thinking alot about it and realized that IAM WORTH IT!!! I need to be reminded each week what I need to be doing for my body. I need to remind myself that I am worth the expense. I need to know that a binge here and there does matter. I need that weekly "re commit" I need the support of my leader and the support of the other members in my group. Eventually I will not need to pay anymore. I will be a lifetime member. Hopefully, that day will come sooner than later.

I had a decent ride yesterday. Sara's friend is a talker though, so our pace was MUCH slower than last week, and unfortunately not much of a challenge. Got me thinking that maybe I should try and get out on my own too... Training by myself outside is tough. I don't know why, but I feel really nervous out on my own... The "what ifs" start to intrude on my desire to get my workouts done. I think it is a big issue in my running... I dont know how I would ever train for a marathon on my own??? Hours by myself... I envy how my fellow bloggers find enjoyment in what I fear.

Do what you think you can't .... Who said that?

My pants are loose!

I am going to the Red Sox game tonight and since it will be in the 60s, I thought it prudent to pull out some jeans. I have a pair of Lees that I wore all last winter - super tight when they come out of the dryer, but after a wearing loosen up and look OK. This morning I pulled them up and "TA DA!" zipped and buttoned and they feel like I've worn them for a week... I guess that means they actually fit me now, the way they are supposed to.

Diet mojo is good, fitness is good. I have a long ride plannned for tomorrow morning (hopefully there won't be too much beer flowing tonight). I'll run on Sunday before the cookout, and again on Monday since the gym will be closed for the holiday. I just have to keep on keepin on...