Still maintaining, but that's OK

I went to WW and was pleasantly surprised to see that I hadn't gained an ounce over Christmas. I am exactly the same. I know I should get my butt in gear, but motivation is still in the toilet and I just want to get through the end of the year. I love my kids and my DH, but I want them to go back to school and work. I crave my schedule. My neighbor, who recently gave birth for the 3rd time, came to WW with me this week. She's all gun ho and will hopefully get me going...
We'll see.

Return Policies -UUGGGHHH!

OK - Here is my post-christmas rant. I HATE TOYRUS. My stepmother bought a gift for my daughter that she already has. It's a 49$ BabyBorn. I know she put thought into the gift, my daughter plays with this baby alot... BUT we don't need another. I HATE to go and ask for a receipt, but said toy store won't even do an exchange without one --- regardless of the tell tale remnants of an orange price tag and the fact that the thing hasn't been opened. It's more than just annoying. I am NEVER shopping at ToysRUs again!!!

RANT OVER. Christmas DONE.

I can't wait to get back to a schedule. My body is tired. My mind is unfocused. My house is a DISASTER....I don't know if I am depressed or grieving. I just want to be thinking about something other than my father... It's a crazy stupid thing. I'll spend the rest of the day trying to dig out of this mental hole... and playing games with the kids in our jammies. Its damp and rainy - we've got no place to go.

Moving on....

This morning I decided to get myself together. This Christmas will be one I will never forget. It will probably not be so merry at times, but my family and I are blessed and my father would want us to celebrate that fact and live on. It’s going to take some work…

I haven’t felt up to a regular gym schedule. I made it to spin once last week and I skated with the kids a few times. My morning walks with the dog are my solace. I have no problem rolling out of bed to clear my head from some really bizarre dreams. It also helps me to better deal with the kids who are a wee bit crazy right now. On Friday, I found my 4 year old taking a bath in the sink with toothpaste?! I’ve been using the Santa card way WAY too much as well . I am seriously considering going back on antidepressants at least through the winter. I have had that pit in my stomach since I heard the news of my father’s accident and I am not sure where the line is between dealing with grief and moving back into depression. My moods have been fierce. My poor husband.

I know once I get back into routine that a lot of things can resolve themselves. There is a lot to be said for time healing wounds. I want to move on. I want to be in a place where I can think of my dad and not cry. I want to get strong and focused and ready for whatever life offers.

Does it really matter?

My father was killed last week. He was crushed by a tree he cutting down. He has done this work all of his life. It was a freak thing that happened. He was only 67. I really needed him to live longer than he did. I miss him terribly.

It kind of puts all this petty body image crap into perspective. I don't know what I weigh right now. I don't think my father ever cared

Stagnation - but maintaining...

I am NOT through with this challenge. I didn't conduct myself according to plan, but:

• I played in our annual alumni field hockey game - 1 hour solid of interval sprints is how I see it; killed myself trying to show those 17 year olds that 40 is the new 20 (I learned that it really isn't).
• I iceskated 4 hours with my kids - and they are getting faster by the minute.
• This week I made it to the gym 3 days so far - I did 2 days of cardio and weights, 1 of spin and today (day 4 I'm taking a Pilates class).
• I didn't gain an ounce since my last weigh in.

I CAN still make my goal to lose 10 by the new year. I have 5 weeks left, and I am committed. Fitday to log my food and the Y to kick my butt! It's completely doable.