I don't want to be a Scrooge....

BUT I hate spending money we don't have on people who could really care less... My sis-in-law, 37, just moved out of Mom and Dads so she could officially declare bankruptsy... LOSER... She can never make it to family events that we drive across 4 states for and has never NEVER mentioned or said "Thank you" for any birthday or Christmas gift we've sent.... I would like to say she gets a card this year, but DH just can't not get her something. I would rather give whatever we would spend to any charity, in fact, I have suggested that we send her a card to that effect. "A donation in your name...." UGH.... RAMBLE DONE

SO - Yesterday I popped on the scale and was surprised to see 197.5! I lost a whole pound; dare I say with out even (really) trying. I guess some of that self talk has taken hold as HABIT. "ARE YOU REALLY HUNGRY... THE FIRST BITE TASTES AS GOOD AS THE 2nd... THROW OUT THE KIDS LEFTOVERS!!" You know the deal. I have yet to log a full day of food back in SparkPeople (after a good month of diligence) but I still write it all down, even if its on the back of my second grader's homework paper. I guess it really does matter and that is GOOD NEWS.

MORE GOOD NEWS! I officially put my money where my mouth is. I registered for my first OCEAN SWIM sprint triathlon. I am glad to finally JUST DO IT (the signing up part) and NOW I have to TRAIN and continue to lose weight. In all, my sisters and I are participating in 3 races this year and maybe more if we can stand it. This year I want it to be different. I don't just want to finish. I DON'T want to be FAT GIRL RACING. For non-racers did you know that an ATHENA athlete is a girl weighing more than 150lbs? To be 150 - to me that is THIN. To me, that is the size of a real athlete--- not a fat one? Go figure.

RAKING MATTERS. Just being outside; walking the dog; walking to pick my daughter up from preschool... I will get back to regularly scheduled exercise, but looking back I certainly would not consider myself sedintary.

Dusting myself off...

I fell off the SPARKPEOPLE wagon just a bit. I've not been logging food and I know that I have had more than my share of snacks. Yes, Thanksgiving is OVER... I need to keep reminding myself of that. I logged in this morning. I am BACK on track.

I've had CHORES to do and haven't exercised per se, but the chores include RAKING tons of leaves so that's got to count for something... Right? AND I've mistakenly eaten my breakfast along with a giant cup of coffee, so I won't weigh in til tomorrow. (You can read that as I am not ready to face the music, give me one good day on program and see if I can decrease any damage.) That said, I HAVE REGISTERED FOR THE COHASSET TRI, June 29th. Done deal. Need a wetsuit. Zoinks!!! Perhaps FEAR will spur this weight loss thing....

Time Flys... 198,5

Here it is the day before Thanksgiving. I am actually posting a loss of one pound and boy, am I happy. It was by far the most stressfull weekend of the fall. The quick and dirty is: written final and water test for lifeguarding,all-day skating competition for DD1, DH called into work, DD2 fell ill with fever half way through the day... I won't bore you with all the details, JUST Thank GOD for Moms! My mom helped all day and then babysat so DH and I could go to a wedding cocktail party Saturday night. I was pooped, but put on a party face for my dear friends... I was SO great with the food until the host brought out spiced cashews - rosemary, cayene pepper, and warm.... YUM!

Other than the NUTS, eating has been decent and I am journaling faithfully (at least 5 of 7 days in SPARKPEOPLE). I made it to SPIN Monday and yesterday I ran (RAN THE WHOLE WAY) 3.2 miles at a fairly decent pace AND I felt really good!! I am getting ready to sign up for next years' races. I am planning on 3 sprint triathlons; 2 are ocean swims(my first). I am looking for a wetsuit. They are unisex. A large goes to a weight of 190... I am 198,5 right now. Do I order it??? Can't decide right now. What I know is that I need to commit to(read PAY FOR)races NOW. It will get me in a RIGHT frame of mind. It seems that once I pay, I race no matter what. I want 2008 to be the year that I race at a NORMAL (not OBESE) weight.

I've written about this before, but it bears repeating. I am SICK SICK SICK of people saying "GOOD FOR YOU" when I tell them that I am a Lifeguard now, or that I am training for a triathlon or a marathon or whatever... There is always that look of disbelief...doubt... I am not exactly sure, but the response is always GOOD FOR YOU... The tone says --- "Good for you fat girl that you are out there even though you are fat and no one would ever consider you a serious athlete or anything..."I guess I am sensitive, but for those of you who ever did anything considered out of the comfort zone of your typical fat person, you know what I am talking about... I guess I am just overly sensitive. I want to reach a point in my life where I am just accepted. NORMAL.

I'm STILL Busy, but I'm down to 199.5

I am STUPID BUSY this week and I REALLY REALLY HATE IT!! The lifeguard course is over Saturday, but before then I have to study for the written test and take the water test. I also have to WORK Thursday and Friday morning, attend a feast at Nursery School for DD2, go to skating with DD1 for 2 hours in prep for her ALL DAY competition Saturday that will overlap with swimming (the stress of trying to be in 2 places at once is killing me), I have swim lessons with both girls tomorrow afternoon, and lets throw in a gutter cleaning and chimmney sweep. OH, and my neighbor's DH is having surgery Friday so I will have responsibility for her kids all day/night Friday.Finally,following the competition/swimming test, I have a cocktail wedding reception after I drop the kids with Grandma... Don't forget to make an appetizer...and what the heck am I going to wear? I Do Not function well under these circumstances...

That said, I am down a bit... 199,5 which means that even though I've had NO TIME to exercise this week, I am managing to keep the eating under control. This is week 3 of the BIG CHALLENGE and I am down 2 whole pounds -18 to go before the New Year.... DOABLE. At least something is going the way I want it to.

This week coming up is THANKSGIVING HELL (Can you tell I hate HATE the holidays?)My goal is not to get stupid. Keep doing what I am doing and if I need pie, so be it - just make it up later. I need to get some exercise and figure out a schedule. Sleep is also an ongoing priority.

Busy

Yes, My life is hectic, but we need to expect crazy times and be flexible. It is frustrating when we don't get that down time to just catch up. The bills, clutter of 2 kids, dog and DH really make me CRAZY, and the dirty clothes just keep piling up. I am jealous of my neighbor, who took a part time job and hired a cleaning lady to come 2x month. It definately would help, but I just don't have that kind of money.

All I have left to do with my Lifeguard course is read 3 more chapters and take the test. I feel pretty confident that I can pass and I would take it today if I could. My family (mostly DH) has suffered enough. AND I would like my time back... My exercise is SUFFERING - alot! I have gone spinning a few times, but that is it outside of dog walking. I want 4 days minimum to lift weights, run, or spin. I am thinking about triathlon season and the races I want to do next year. I have three in mind and wouldn't it be great if I were up to the challenge?

I want weight loss to be part of my plan, and at least I have managed a few of my weekly goals. I am happy to announce that today is DAY 7 in row for Spark journaling. I have stayed within my calories for 5 of 7 days (good) and I haven't been on the scale, but I am hoping for a nice number for Tuesday's weigh in(or at least lower than the last time). I have made meals and not eaten out. I am feeling pretty in control at the moment. After this week, I'll be able to plan more easily for exercise and maybe, just maybe, everything will start to click....

In the right direction

I weighed in this morning at 200.5. I know it's not the "official" weigh in, but it was certainly nice to see things moving in the right direction.

I didn't do Spark this weekend. It just wasn't convenient. I was busy and other than a few unconscious moments, I was able to keep it all together. Saturday I went to spin before my day long lifeguard course. Yesterday, well.. I was a slug, but this morning I am back at spin and will hopefully get some weights in as well. My thinking is that SPARK will be a Monday through Friday thing for now.

After the Y I am going to get a few new bras. My sports bras are TRASHED and it's hard to feel good about your workout if you have hooks and wires jabbing into your body. I am planning a menu of meals for the week, which will just make life much more managable with fewer opportunities to eat what I should not.

My goals for the week are:

- Mon - Fri journal food in SPARK
-Get 4 solid days of REAL exercise
-SLEEP 8 hours a night - turn that TV off!!
-Have ONE 1200 calorie day!!

Every monday I will report on whether the goals were met or not. I have to keep accountable. I have to keep telling myself that nothing will change if I stay the same... New habits, New you!

I have 3 weeks left of my lifeguard course. I started teaching swimming lessons (after a 12 year hiatus), and decided to take the course so I could pick up a few more hours. I am a strong swimmer and the extra buoancy has definately helped. That said, the last couple of weeks has got me thinking. First of all, our Asst Aquatics Instructor is obese. She's got at least 50 lbs on me and believe me, it does not go unnoticed. She's had complaints behind her back of a less than inspiring water aerobics class. There are also mom's that make sure that their kids aren't scheduled when she's teaching. I am obese myself, but there are many who are surprised when they find out I weigh as much as I do. It doesn't mean that I don't need to lose weight. In fact, I cringed every time I pass the locker room mirror in my suit. I guess I feel like not being as fat as her gives me license to feel less of a fraud about being a fitness instructor. In my text I read:

"Lifeguards must be willing to meet the YMCA's character development challenge and lead by example. Not "walking the talk" is a big problem in teaching character development. Assess your personal ability to lead by example.Once you know where you are and what you want to work on in yourself, you can challenge yourself to improve."/

Boy, do I feel yucky... How can I be an example to anyone other than a fat person? What message am I sending? Am I walking the talk? Hardly. I look at the Assistant Director, and I feel like she must go through life with blinders on, but then I think that I must be doing the same exact thing... I need to take my health and fitness seriously if I want others to do the same. I know that it's just a stupid p/t job, but that doesn't lessen the need to take some pride in what I do and feel confident when I tell others about my job. I need to challenge myself. I need to WORK hard. It's hard work to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I think I need some BEFORE photos.

***Today I logged my food in spark. My weight was still 201. I know it's not organized exercise, but I taught lessons for 2.5 hours and walked to get the kids from school.