Crazy Girl Check in...

I just got home from an 845-100 shift at the Y.... Once I get started, I like teaching. I like the kids (usually) and the time does fly by.... That said, I am SO GLAD to be out of the pool, and I REALLY don't want to go tomorrow. Suffer I shall - its one more day!! My head is definately somewhere else!

The plans for DISNEY are coming along. I have had a few issues with my sometimes clueless hubby, but the most important thing - THE SECRET - is still a secret and the kids haven't the faintest idea what is going on... It's getting harder as their birthdays get closer. My older daughter is wondering why the invitations haven't gone out... She's bugging me to call her friends' moms to tell them about the party.... I promised my little one a surprise for her birthday, but this morning she told me that she no longer thinks that's a good idea. When I told her it was too late, she asked if I had already bought the cake...

My husband is taking the day off tomorrow, which in my mind could be disasterous. He's the kind of guy that NEVER plans - just lets things happen... He's the kind of guy that can sit intently while I babble off all the things I am doing or planning to do and not hear one word. I have a major fear of leaving him alone in the house for 3 hours while I am working.... I AM NOT KIDDING... I have packed most of my clothes. I have most of my kids stuff ready to be packed. I have packed or set aside snacks, drinks, and toiletries.... I even put anything my hubby wanted to take clothes-wise in a laudry basket in our room. My fear is that he will spend his morning washing the one shirt he wanted to take; MAKING dinner... He's loves to cook and hates to clean... OR that he trys to pack for the kids (who needs underwear??) YES - I am actually blogging about this - YES - I am PSYCHO!

Sunday MORNING we are on a plane - secret or no secret - perfectly packed or lacking undies - disgusting house to come home to or everything in order... right?

Gone, but not forgotten

I have been STRESSING for the last month about our upcoming, surprise trip to Disney W0rld. It is my nature to become anxious and drop everything to obsess about all of the whats, wheres, hows, whens..... every little detail. I have made it to the gym a few times, ran a few times, but my mind is on the planning. Oh - and I have NOT been sticking to an eating plan, nor have I been on the scale. I see how I stray when I stress. I see that there are things I really need to deal with in terms of finding other ways to channel my craziness at night besides hitting the fridge. Frankly I just need to go to bed. I am frustrated by this endless cycle: In control - feeling good - eating, exercising, logging food, weighing in.... Hiccup - stress, stop logging, stop weighing, go to the gym sporatically...... Get pissed, weigh in, recommit, buy good food, start cycle all over again.

I leave for the trip Sunday a.m. I am growing ever more crazy and anxious. We must keep the surprise. I must figure a way to pack EVERYTHING with out anyone finding out. I must find someone to cover my work shift. I must get the dog to the groomers before she spends the week with my sister.

Let's face it. No matter what I KNOW is right, I KNOW that I will continue my path to crazy until we are safely checked into our hotel room in Orlando with our luggage. I am a psycho. I really don't like this part of my self. I know when I get back, I'll get pissed that I fell off the wagon. I will weigh myself, buy good food, start logging what i eat and get back to the gym. I just hope it will be that way for a while, so that I can make some real progress with weight loss. In the meantime, I am going to try and work on healing the psycho in me.

Sucked in again...

I sat down to chill for a few minutes in front of the TV and was immediately sucked into another season of THE B1ggestL0ser!.... The women are indeed fatter and I haven't really got a handle on who is who, but I definately like the twist of having Jillian back. I LOVE HER!! I wish I could spend a couple of months with her in the gym. That is the ass-kicking I need.

I'm still trying to get into a regular schedule, and it doesn't help that the kids won't have a full week of school til next week. My gym time has suffered. BUT I am working on it. I made it yesterday for 3 miles on the elliptical (35 min) followed by a short, but effective weight workout: 2 sets of lats, 2 bench, biceps, triceps, and shoulders, followed by abwork. I am sore this morning. I don't know what will go on today for exercise since both girls start skating. Tomorrow I have orientation at the Y for work, and work Friday. Saturday could be my next real workout.

I will get on the scale tomorrow morning. I had a bad episode with some pistacio nut cookies (thanks mom!), but other than that - things are going OK.

Weekend Ughs...

I don't know why I loathe the weekends lately. Perhaps it is the MESS that my house becomes. Perhaps it is the lazy chaos that becomes my life... My DH is pretty much on vacation any time he's not at work or working at his job and that can really REALLY get to me. I honestly don't know what he's thinking. I know (he's a guy) so it's not deliberate or intentional, but it makes me insanely crazy that he will do nothing household or parenting related unless I specifically (and I do mean specifically) tell him what he needs to do, when, and why.

The lawn needs to be mowed. Why? It's a foot tall. When? Sometime before you leave for work Monday morning.

You want to go to the gym? Great. Why don't you go between the hours of 8:30 and 1 when there is childcare?

Want to go fishing? Great. Why don't you take at least one of your kids. AND Why not go AFTER dinner, instead of while I am getting ready to serve it.

Taking the dog for a walk? Going out for a run? Why not do it AFTER the kids are in bed and not 30 minutes before.... Perhaps you could share the bedtime mayhem with your wife. hmmph!

VENT is open.... AHHHHHHHHH

On another note. I ran 3 miles yesterday at the gym while #1 daughter was at a b-day party. I felt pretty good. I paid attention to my form, did some intervals with speed and incline. I know I didn't break any speed records, but I felt like I worked....

Eating wise is OK - Yesterday I did not log food - BUT - I didn't eat after 7 and although I ate some garbage for lunch (pizza, 1 chick wing, 2 onion rings and a few ff) I didn't have dinner so calorically it wasn't too bad a day. Today I am eating VERY well. My weight as of yesterday was 196.5 SO that gives me a loss for the week.

My GOAL is to have lost 7 more lbs by Sep 30 (the day we leave for vacation). The 180's will be a happy site!

Fall Challenge: Baby Steps...

I happened to notice the new Get Back On Track / Fall Challenge on the WW site. Their first step just happened to be mine: GET ON THE SCALE. I am getting on the scale every morning (well, all two so far). The GIANT number 199.5 yesterday, and 199 this morning. At least I didn't see the dreaded "2". So, music has been faced. I had a FAT August. I know how I gained nearly 7 lbs, and unfortunately I know how hard it will be to get them off. I hate starting over, but what alternative do I have?

Today may be a wash exercise-wise. I have to be here all morning with the FI0S guy, and then I have to get dinner together for "Ladies' Night" tonight. *Every Tuesday my mom and sister come to dinner. I would like to do something physical - walk the dog? We'll have to see what I can squeeze in.

Eating wise, I am doing OK. Last night I ate nothing after dinner - NOTHING - It was conciously VERY hard. I need to go for 2 nights in a row. Practice makes perfect. Tomorrow I will be back at the gym RUNNING. Thursday I start my new job in the pool. I would like to be able to finish a 10K in a month. Can it be done? This is my ultimate CHALLENGE, a Columbus Day 10K, which I am signing up for this Friday.

I want to be back on track. I want to make some real changes in my life. I am sick of being consumed by my weight. So much time - wasted, unproductive. I am sick of every other week waking up to my own personal "Ground Hog Day".

Labor Day

Paper problem OVER.... Exercise - NO, Good Diet Day - Yes. FAT? - YES, Still.

DH goes back to work tomorrow. I won't be able to hit the gym til afternoon. VERIZ0N is coming to rid me of the blasted cable in my house. TV-Internet-Phone for one LOW price; locked in for 2 full years! I hope it all runs smoothly. I am scared of changing my beloved e-mail....

My "office" is 80% clean. I didn't want to scare the poor FIOS man and it's been on my plate for a while. It's quite liberating to throw out a black garbage bag full of "important papers"... I am spent now... and my kids have destroyed my house while I was hold up in my room. DH just is NO help some days....