Another THIN Resolution.

To whoever saw the Valerie Bertinelli commercial for Jenny Craig - Did you CRY? I did. I am so happy for her and so wishing it was me that wasn't trying to come up with a NEW resolution, that doesn't sound like last year's resolution or the one before that. The truth of the matter is that I have been overweight for most of my life, and I haven't been at a HAPPY weight since 1992.That's a lot of THIN Resolutions.... I've made some positive strides during my fat times, like NOT waiting for thinness to live my life, but I've never actually managed to lose REAL noticable weight.

I have run countless 5ks, 10ks, 2 half marathons, 1 marathon, and 7 triathlons. I am a swim instructor and a lifeguard. In 2008, I am committed to my first OCEAN SWIM triathlon, and I have to buy a wet suit. nuff said.

I am sick of being fat, but obviously not sick enough to do anything about it? I've given HUNDREDS to Weight Watchers, probably more. I know how many calories are in just about any food you can name. I know how to eat a balanced diet. I know I have a problem with portion control. I know I am not always prepared. What is it that CLICKS in people like PASTAQUEEN and DIETGIRL? I want what they're having...

OH and the TALES FROM THE SCALES Challenge? I took a little 2 week vacation and NOW I am back. Obviously I will have to get on the scale to see the damage I've done, but I am going to try eating normal for few days to even out the mess... AKA PROCRASTINATION... Expect a reading by SUNDAY 12/30!

The Holidays are ONE HUGE TIME SUCK!

It pretty much sucks when you start telling yourself you won't have enough time to go to chuch Christmas EVE! Unbelievable!! I seem to keep saying yes to things, when my brain said NO to everything ages ago... Trips,Brunches, parties, open houses, kids events, errands, wrapping, preparing food... All for what ?! CELEBRATION... hmmmm... I am tired, worn out, sick and in no mood to celebrate, so what is the point!? I don't want to be one of THOSE people who moan and groan their way through December, but I find it hard to be Jolly when I've completely over committed. I CAN'T SEEM TO SAY NO. And that is the story of my life.

What to do.... First, I need to prioritize and see if there is anything I can get out of... Next, I need to accept that things will be crazy for at least the next week and deal with it. GET TO THE GYM - MAKE ME A PRIORITY - It just might keep me sane, it just might keep me from gaining 50 lbs!

Round 2

I can honestly say that weight loss is not on the radar this week, as I have been consumed by my family. I won't say any more about my dad, except that he has been on my mind a lot. I am certain that it is why I've been so apathetic about pretty much everything including diet and exercise. My 5 yo was sick Tuesday night and all day Wednesday and starting Thursday night My 8 yo was puking too. More laundry to do, trapped at home, couldn't go to work. Not to mention that I haven't slept through the night all week! I am WIPED.

Saturday is the start of a new week for me. I am going to the gym to work out for as long and as hard as I want to, followed by a sauna or hot tub or just a nice, long, hot, shower.

In case you are wondering. I'll be back. Refreshed and Renewed.

For One More Day...

OK - I guess I am a sap. My poor 4 yo was sick ALL NIGHT and DAY - throwing up every 1-2 hours. She let me know this morning after no sleep that "I don't know if I want to go skating this morning... That's OK hun..."

I am stuck inside. I've been washing clothes, and sheets (2 sets), the couch, rug and any other puke splattered surfaces. The TV is on. I am watching Oprah. She just finished a segment on having one more day with someone who has passed. Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of my father's death. He was killed instantly at a worksite accident. He was 67, healthy, strong. It was quite a shock, hard to process. I still can't believe that it's been a year. If I could have one more day with him I would give him a hug, tell him I loved him. I would tell him that I was sorry for stupid things that at times strained our relationship. Now that I am older, now that he is gone, I appreciate all that he has given me in life. I wish that I could tell him that. My poor daughter is sleeping on the couch and I am crying about Oprah.

Weight loss? I don't know. I need to get on the scale. I am suspicious of the loss I had last week, I had a few bad days this week (I am sure my dad's "death day" had something to do with my emotional eating binge), and I just don't want to look. I will. I will get back to what I need to do and make something happen for myself.

Breathe.

I am feeling stressed, so I ate a chocolate chip cookie. That has caused me more stress, because I know that eating it was completely with out thought; pure emotion. We went to church, had lunch, went to a major Christmas pageant (with animals and everything) and came home for soup. What,you may wonder, is so stressful? I am asking myself that right now.

It starts with everybody getting from jammies to church clothes. I am AMAZED by how much I can do before my kids and DH even think about clothes. A load of laundry, breakfast dishes, my shower, hair, and dressed.... 5 year old still sitting on the floor in her undies - clothes I threw down to her piled right beside her NOT on her body. My 8 year old is only slightly better, and my DH makes us late ALL the time, sitting on the computer til 840 when we have a 900 am service.... UGH. Lunch is filled with "I don't likes". Waiting for the pageant to start was pure hell and getting back into jammies after dinner and a bath was... UGH! And here she is now(5 yr old) crying because Dad won't help her win the video game they are all playing while trying to give mom a few minutes to herself....

It's no wonder I am fat.

Breathe.