I ate cake.

There I said it.

Sometimes I feel like a sham, but honestly when I write "I will not eat cake", I believe I won't and then... It's as if someone else takes over my psyche. I see it, I eat it. Yesterday it was 4 or 5 "2 bite" brownies before I ate cake - a small piece of"Easy Bake Oven" style strawberry cake. It's a favorite of the kids, but I really don't like it and I ate it anyway. At least it was a small piece.

The rest of the day was fine. We went to dinner late. I got a chicken with veggies and pasta dish and left half the pasta and a decent amount of chicken. On the way home I got a kid cone at Dairy Queen for dessert. I know what is possible when I eat right and exercise. I know how empowering it is to say "no thank you" to delicious fatty foods. I know how strong I feel when I work out hard. It just doesn't make sense that I know all of these things and still choose to do what is not healthy for my body.

I am looking for some sort of divine inspiration and I know that it's not coming. It's just not there for what I want to do. It's all about ME and the choices I make for my self. I need to get to work and stop dancing around this issue. If I want to lose weight, I have to make some real changes about what I put in my body. If I want to be faster and stronger I have to weigh less and train at a level that will improve my cardio fitness, not just maintain.

Like an addict I will do this one day at a time. No goals other than what I want to accomplish in a single day like weighing in, journaling and getting in some form of exercise even if I only have time for a few crunches or a walk around the block with the dog. I have about 5 weeks to go before the Cohasset triathlon and I could see some big improvement over last week's effort if I work.