Weigh in will have to wait...

So I am feeling B L O A T E D and decided the scale could wait until tomorrow when the period I've been bitching about all week finally starts -- I know, TMI.

NOW for today's dilema. I am buying a NEW bike, and I can go get it as soon as the tax return arrives. I want a TREK WSD (Woman Specific Design), I want to be fitted for it, I want it to be the bike I will have for years and years. The bike I currently own - a TREK 1000- is apparently a good FIRST ROAD BIKE. It's been a good first road bike for me for 4 years, but when I get on my sister's TREK Madone I understand what a really good bike is all about and I want one.

SO - I am agonizing in my head about where to go and whether or not I should put off going until I've lost a few more pounds. I DON'T WANT TO BE JUDGED, IGNORED, or anything else b/c I am fat. Yes, I know any bike would go faster if the person riding it were smaller... I don't want to be disappointed b/c the salesperson didn't take me seriously... Does that make sense??

I better go obsess about it some more.

WOW ! Was that me?

I AM PMS today. I just spewed a bunch of evil on my kids and I feel pretty rotten about it. I need to put myself right to bed with no desert.

I REALLY wish it was Spring

It's about this time that I REALLY start to hate where I live. I desperately need warmth, sun, green. I am PMS-ing, so mood is low, mojo is low and food is flowing into my body with little thought or control. Weigh in day is tomorrow. I need to see a NEW (lower) number, and yet I haven't done much to deserve it. PLAN for this week will be SLIMFAST for breakfast, lunch and snack. (I happen to have a cannister that my sister gave to me b/c she hates it). I NEED a motivational, big loss jumpstart mostly because I NEED NEED a haircut which is MY ME REWARD FOR 189.

It always feels better when you're done!

Saturday mornings is SISTER TRAINING DAY. For now, while it's still dark we've been starting at 7. We run to the cemetary by my sister's house and complete 9 laps, which including the trip down and back equals 5 miles. I was NOT up for it this week (#3), and as it turns out neither were my sisters. Fortunately we went anyway and finished in record time - 1:04. Monday is SPIN day. Again, I was not so into it, but I went anyway and TA DA! I came through just fine. I feel good. I know I am stronger, fitter and at least the 2 sugar cookies I just ate have already been exercised away.

NOW - I need to get my DIET together. Again, it's a lot of BLAH BLAH BLAH about the diet with relatively little, meaningful action. At least I am NOT paying for WeightWatchers. Last year, same attitude, lost nothing, but spent 33.95 a month for the pleasure of standing on their scales. Yes, I need accountability - For exercise, it is my sisters. For my diet, I am still lost and struggling. I know how good I will feel when I lose weight. I've done it before - once - so long ago now. I wish I knew what it is that will finally CLICK with me.

196 and Fighting Back the Monster

I know weight fluctuates by the minute, but on a particular minute of this very morning I weighed 196. This makes me happy, but not as happy as I will be when I see the number 189. That will mean a mental BOOST, a ME Reward, and I can not wait!

I went to the gym this morning even though I didn't really want to. I ran 2.5 miles on the indoor track and my knee is a little mad at me for doing it. The sidewalks are icy and I just couldn't bear the treadmill so track it was. I should have added some weights as well, but time was not on my side and I had to teach swim class.

When I got home I wanted to eat. I wanted to eat this morning too, and I'm trying to decide if it's PMS or if there is something else that is causing me to be RAVENOUS. I hope it's the PMS, because I can deal with a few days -- anything more and I will cave. I grabbed chips, but took a few out of the bag and closed it. I made a turkey wrap with mustard and lettuce and NOW I FEEL MUCH BETTER.

It's hard to reign in the EATING MONSTER. REALLY HARD. It has nothing to do with willpower, nothing to do with "finding other activities to occupy your time". I always hated that WW strategy session of trying to find things to do when you wanted to eat. I don't know how others feel about it, but I find that I am practically in a trance. I am NOT thinking. I am not rational. I am hell bent on eating. SO the question is HOW TO STOP THE MONSTER? Today what I asked myself was WHAT DO YOU WANT? I wanted chips. I took some chips and closed the bag. I ate the chips, regained sanity and made a healthy lunch.

I think what makes binges linger for me is trying to avoid what I want and never feeling satisfied. Honestly I have eaten a whole box of 100-calorie pack cookies rather than taking a scoop of the icecream that I really wanted (and eventually had in the end). We'll see if my new approach continues to work. 7 pounds to GOAL 1.

Weigh in - 197.5 - REWARD at 189

I remembered to weigh in - after a quick trip to the bathroom and before I ate breakfast or drank my first pint of coffee. 197.5 Nothing to cheer about BUT I was 202.5 sometime in November/December so I am heading in the right direction. I have set a goal with a little "ME" reward. When I reach 189 I will get a haircut and color at the salon I used to go to before we were poor and I had to start coloring myself. I REALLY need a REAL haircut. My hair is SO MOM-like. I wear the MOM-tail most days, and I cut my bangs a week ago and they are still too short so I feel like a 5 year old who thought she was a "hair lady". I am hoping that announcing a real short-term goal right now will help me get my butt in gear. I am journalling. I am exercising, BUT I need to make an effort to PLAN MEALS, PLAN WORKOUTS and have them be directed at losing weight, gaining speed, getting stronger. Right now it's a little of this, a little of that and ZERO direction. I have 2 triathlons at a minimum. I need to get cracking!! LET's GO 189!!!

It's never a bad day for a run

Woke up yesterday, 6 a.m., and ran with my sisters. It was a balmy 20 degrees and if it had been up to me, I would have stayed in bed. Thank GOD for sisters and our weekly run date. 5 miles total - 1/2 to warm up, 1/2 to cool down (though we didn't need too much of that) and 4 miles straight running NO WALKING in 43:20!!! That is a MOST excellent for me. I took today off, but signed up for a 60 min spin tomorrow. The kids are off from school, so I am sure I will need the DE-STRESSOR. I will WEIGH in the morning. I keep forgetting to do it before I eat my breakfast!! I have been diligent about writing down my food, but I need to be more thoughtful about PLANNING what I will eat and not just about writing it down after the fact.

Baby steps right?

Things are never easy so, NO EXCUSES

I thought I'd cut myself some slack this week. My uncle died Saturday morning. He was sick, but it was still sad. My aunt is a dear dear woman and I feel for her and my cousins. THEN Monday morning my Grandmother's health began a rapid deterioration to the point today where all of my aunts, uncle, cousins are holding 24 hour vigil, waiting for her imminent death. I've been to see her twice. She's bedridden, has lost a lot of weight, but still has that smile of recognition, which is all that I needed. She's 87; and she's lived a good life, but I suppose it doesn't matter how old you are if you are someones mother. I am sad for my mom.

SO - Diet, Exercise? Part of me wanted to say SCREW to that this week, with everything so crazy - BUT then I thought - Do I ever have a NORMAL week? The odds of someone getting sick, a car breaking down, an unexpected visitor... Nothing is ever the same. I need to stop giving myself permission to throw up my arms to my health every time something goes against the plan. If I want to get to my goal, I need to work towards it and continue to do so regardless of what life throws at me.

I will weigh in tomorrow so you know I am keeping to my plan and not just paying lip service. I can run at the back of the pack, but I will NOT be the fat one this summer!!!

Day 5 - Holding Strong

I got up this morning and ran 5 miles with my 2 sisters and a friend. I feel a little tired, but strong because I ran even when (if I were by myself) I would have stopped to take a walk break. The trick now is to get FASTER and STRONGER. I don't want the run to be my continued WEAK LINK come triathlon. Weight loss = free speed, so it makes sense to keep strong with the calorie deficit!

I've logged food every day so far - even the hot wings and onion rings I ate last night before the movies... OH and the popcorn - which I have to say makes me ill. I am NOT eating movie popcorn ever again. I felt like I wanted to barf the rest of the evening. I guess that's why the post movie snack was a single glass of wine - which I left unfinished.

I feel motivated this week. I know I will have weeks where I won't feel the same so here's to making the most of it for as long as it lasts!!

What a Difference a Day Makes

Morning Weigh in: 198 (yeah for me... right direction)

Walked/ran with dog 4 miles - lots of hills. Then, taught 2 swim classes making sure to work my legs (tread) the whole time. I am fat so I float so I really don't have to kick all that much to keep up, but I did anyway. That is good.

I am writing down every morsel that passes my lips. Almost 2 days down.

Since most weight loss/exercise regimines are broken after 30 days, I've decided to shoot for DAY 31 and reevaluate. And I do not want to see the same 5 or 6 lbs I've been playing with for the past 2 years. I want to see NEW - TOTALLY NEW numbers, like 188 and downward. Twenty nine days to go and 10 more lbs.

Let's stop pretending and DO IT this time.

OK, Now I am serious...

APATHY is the word of the week. It's not that I totally blew off my new HEALTHY lifestyle, but I didn't do anything to really help the cause. SO, my weight is STILL 199. If you don't do things differently you can't expect changes right?

I have a new food journal. I bought a new magazine (Women's Health) and I am going to make an honest effort this week. In 6 months I'll be doing a REAL triathlon, with serious athletes. I'll be swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. I'll be wearing a WETSUIT! That's scary! I need to get crackin!

GOALS FOR THE WEEK:
Run a minimum of 10 miles total
2x weights - and write down what I lift - weight/reps
Log food 5/7 days in my new book paying attention to PORTION SIZES
Swim 1200 yds(1 mile)
SPIN Monday!

All doable.

Welcome 2008

I weighed in at 199,0 New Years Day. Let's hope it's all downhill from here on out!

This week my kids went back to school, my DH went back to work and my house is back in order (only took 2 solid days of cleaning...)

I went to the gym twice so far - I went spinning and did upper body yesterday and ran 3+ miles and did some leg work today. My back is still questionable. Aleve is my best friend and I've been doing a lot of back stretching/strengthening to get it back to its old self.

I am writing down what I eat, but not in any meaningful way. I need to meal plan, practice portion control and balance things out nutritionally.

I have considered group training at the Y, but money is for sure an issue. I am going to go on my own for the next 6 weeks and reassess. My mom and sister and I are having our own WW group every Tuesday at my house. That accountability will be a positive addition to my PLAN.

Happy Friday!