Still not 100%

I am eating well and exercise? -- Not today, other than a walk around the block with the dog and thoroughly cleaning my kids' room. My daughter's rash has spread. We finally went to the doctor, who believes it is poison "something", though not poison ivy... I washed the sheets AGAIN and the comforters and her sneakers and put the crocks through the dishwasher just in case the oils of whatever she got into were still lurking. She is unbothered by it all, but frankly looks like a trainwreck. I don't want her to scar.

Tomorrow is our last big skating day - little one in the am and then my eldest from 4-6:15. I can not wait to take a little break. The whole RINK culture is a drain on my psyche - very elitest, completely strange to me. If it were not for the fact that my daughter really loves to skate, I would have steered her into something else a year ago... What we won't do for our kids...

SO REAL exercise will resume Thursday morning. I am taking my daughter to school and then running 4 miles. My sister has picked up her workouts, so I feel like I need to step it up as well. Three weeks to go until our first race of the season!! I want to be healthy and ready.

Onward, Downward!

Could be PMS, could be stress...

Whatever it is, I ate too much this weekend.

First, it was our anniversary. My mom was taking the girls Saturday night so Hubby and I could have time to ourselves; go out to dinner and not rush...

Well, if you've read the last few posts you will know that everyone was sick, DH had to work all day Saturday, and the plans we had just morphed into a half-hearted celebration. My mom came to the house. DH came home from work exhausted (he got up and out at 4:30 am), but treked to dinner with me because he felt he had to put on a good show. I felt tired from stressing, working out for the first time in a week, and still hacking like a 3-pack-a-day smoker, but still went to dinner because it was our anniversary.

We were both home and in bed by 9:00. I ate too much and stuff that wasn't even good. I ordered a salad, but it was more like a bowl of cheese, bacon, croutons and dressing with a garnish of lettuce. I had some onion rings that were thick cut and caked with batter. They weren't good either, so I thought I would make them better by dipping them generously in horseradish cream sauce. I then thought I needed to finish the night with cream laden key lime pie. After all it was our anniversary. SO, I felt sicker coming home, fat and disappointed in my choices. I went to bed - moved on...

Sunday I woke up feeling similarly yucky. After a normal oatmeal and banana breakfast, we went to the movies - I had a bag of baked chips and too much trail mix (nuts/dried fruit), which was LOADED with calories. I skipped lunch and later ate 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 2 more bags of baked chips, and my kids french fries at McDonalds. At least I cut myself off at McDonalds. I didn't eat right. I ate crap, and wow - that's how I feel. Let this be a lesson to me.

And now I am off to spin. Thank goodness the kids are at school, DH is at work and I have my Monday back.

Just because you had a good workout...

...doesn't mean that you have license to eat for the whole day.
...doesn't mean that you dont have to workout again tomorrow.
...doesn't mean that you will lose more weight - but it could so keep it up.

I need to repeat these things over and over in the hopes that one day they will stick.

SO - My rash girl still has her rash and my 5 year old woke up throwing up - no joke. I had the option of calling my sisters and cancelling my killer workout (since DH is a work all day) OR calling my mom at 5:30 a.m. Part of me hates the fact that I called, but the other part is reading the note I put on my fridge: "If you want something bad enough you will find a way - if you don't you will find excuses" That's a paraphrase, and I stole it from someone else, but it rings true and I read daily. My mom came - I knew that she would - and I headed to my sister's house for a 4 mile hilly run, followed by an even hillier 9 mile bike ride. It was my first real workout in 12 days. The run sucked until the last mile, but the bike felt good. Were it not for the fact that my throat still hurts and I have to cough a lot, I would be feel awesome. Endorphins totally kicked in. THANKS MOM!

She's offered to come back this afternoon and watch the kids here so that DH and I can have our planned anniversary dinner out (she was supposed to take the kids overnight). Again, THANKS MOM! I honestly don't know what I would do without her!

It was not a fluke - Still 189.5

So this morning with jammies on - 189.5 That means I really have entered a new decade... Onward, downward.

Today is the last official day of April Vacation. I have to work, I have a gyno appointment and my oldest has a rash all over one side of her face and her arm... Should be a banner day! Plus I am still not 100% - my throat still hurts, cough is still there and I am contemplating a culture after my checkup today. WTF ?? I hate being sick!!

I guess it's all normal, everyday family stuff and I should be used to it by now -- or at least not stressed. I am trying.

Tomorrow is my WELCOME BACK TO TRAINING workout, after a sick girl hiatus. I hope I am that much closer to well, and I hope my kids are too! They really need to go back to school come Monday morning.

Weigh in Wednesday 189.5 !!!! 189.5 !!!!!

One hundred eighty nine and one half pounds !!! It has been a LOOOONG time since I've seen the 180s and I've really worked hard to get into them (this time). How sweet! My total loss is 13 lbs, which seems like such a small amount to those of you approaching 50 or 100 lbs, but I've been stuck and now I am unstuck and it feels like an elephant has been lifted off my back. I do feel lighter, I am motivated and I am HAPPY!!

I've also been sick and that has stymied the exercise this week. It also hasn't helped matters that my kids are home so I don't have the freedom to just take off for a run or a bike ride. The cold/throat thing seems to be breaking up and I've got a killer workout planned for Saturday with my sisters - 3.5 miles of hills followed by 15 hilly miles on the bike. It will most likely kick my butt. It will be good to get back into things.

Next week will be about as normal as life can be - kids in school, few committments and an opportunity to stick to my training plan. ONWARD - DOWNWARD!

Know Thyself

Lyn at Escape from Obesity, had a little survey this morning that I thought I would take. Today is my birthday. I am 42. I want to make the most of my 40's and I want to really get to the crux of the matter with my weight and body image once and for all. SO...

1. What types of food were you most likely to overeat? Salty anything - I can eat a can of nuts, a can of pringles, doritos, french fries. I also like a good dip to go with them.
2. What times of day did you overeat most often? I can over eat from 2 pm til bedtime. For the last 3 months I have given up TV. This has helped a lot, but I don't know how to manage myself when the kids get home from school, and I have to make dinner.
3. What feelings were you having most often when you overate? NUMB - Thinking about what's next... After the episode, I think WHY?
4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder? Binge - sometimes, but I am more of a grazer. I have had other issues with purging - but I think I've grown out of that.
5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain? Life was much simpler when I lived by myself. Boyfriends and husbands make you fat and kids keep you that way (or maybe it just feels like it sometimes).
6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight? Sometimes I wish my mom had been more diligent about helping me lose or maintain versus the "Are you sure you want to eat that" nudge at a party...
7. What other behaviors made you overweight? I tend to eat alone. I hide food or wait til people leave or plan my snacks based on when the kids go to bed. I don't know if that' s a disorder, but I don't think it's normal.
8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight? I have been active regularly for the past 5 years. BUT I think that it's kept me fat in a way because I feel as though I am justified to eat what I want because I spent time on the elliptical or took a spin class. Rather than using the calories burned for additional weight loss, I used them for my snacks. Hence, I have pretty much maintained my weight for the past 5 years (between 190 and 210)
9. Why did you choose that activity level? Because that's what they say you need - at least 3x week.
10. What made you finally want to change? Spinning my wheels - Doing the same things day in and day out and not making any progress. I have not been under 190 since 1996 when I quit smoking. It is my psychological wall -- Everytime I get close, I have a bad week or my scale breaks or I get sick or SOMETHING to derail my plan.

This time it is different because I know what hasn't worked. I know that I need to do things differently. That includes calorie counting, journaling, intensive exercise and support through my online community. I have not seen the 180s yet and while I don't think I've gained any weight over the last two weeks since I've weighed, I don't know if I could have lost any. This past weekend I ate and drank more than usual. I've been sick and not into exercising. I've recommitted and I am back on track (day 2), but with school vacation it will be hard to get in my regular exercise. Part of me thinks I should get healthy, do what I can and get back on the wagon Saturday with my sisters --- I am not going to beat myself up over it. Just do something... Right?

Marathon Monday

Not running this year, but cheered the runners just the same.

Back from a weekend of indulgence. Too much food, too much drink, too much money spent. My friends can sometimes bring out the ... best in me. I love them!

But now, it is back to reality. I am STILL SICK. I am STILL FAT. I took today off to get myself back together, regroup if you will. I am hoping this hacking cough will subside. I need to let it go for a few more days so I can be sure it is not a virus. I need not spend money for a doctor to tell me to rest and take a cough drop.

I have recommitted to my fitness /eating plan. I am buying a new scale and I am going to actually step on it this Wednesday. I am ready to face the music. Time to get things moving again.

I have races upcoming and FAT is not pretty in spandex.

Hanging on for Friday

I am feeling much better, though my ears are still blocked and my sinuses still seem to go into overdrive at night making it tough to get a good nights sleep. I hope this cold is totally gone in the next 12 hours so I can maximize my fun. I am leaving in the morning for my annual GIRL'S WEEKEND - this year in the Berkshires. We've rented a big house in the middle of nowhere. There will be 9 of us total and as is usually the case, I expect to be laughing for the entire weekend. I've known these people for more than 30 years; one I met my first day of kindergarden. They know me so well and I am never more ME than when I am with them. I need a break so bad.

My scale doesn't need a battery - it needs to be replaced. I am feeling a little nervous about a new scale - like what if it says I weigh more than my old scale did? What if my old scale was off by 10 or 20 lbs? These thoughts are making me a little nuts! SO, I am giving myself the weekend off - Yes, I will still journal my food - BUT I am not going to worry about the scale or calories (just choices), and I will start fresh Monday morning --- though I will not be fresh b/c it is April vacation and my kids will be with me for the entire week! So I will need another break next week.... OR I will just need to get a grip because this is my life and I need to just learn to live with what I've got.

Admit when you are sick.

I am sick. I feel crappy. I did not run this morning and I feel guilty. I need to give myself a break. It's OK to skip a run when you have a head cold and scratchy throat. At least that's what I would tell a friend stuck in a similar situation.

If only I would take my own advice. I would be healthy and thin and well-adjusted. If only...

I am feeling stressed about going away this weekend. I feel a need to have the house in order; meals planned, clothes for the kids, back up sitters in case my DH gets called into work... I know that once I am gone I will relax and settle in with my friends. I will laugh until my face hurts. I just need to make it til Friday.

Monday!

I just finished my first RIDE of the season with my bike friends. SO much better than spinning. 15 miles -- not too far, but it was low 50's and windy - and our first ride out. Besides, my daughter's playdate was only 2 hours... I felt good - although the last mile or so my lower back was SCREAMING. I am stretching now and hoping I am just getting used to the new bike. It felt like this last Friday - after I rode Thursday to work... hmmmm...

This weekend after my great swim workout I got sick. I thought I felt a little out of it after the pool, but assumed I was tired since it was a LONG swim. However, as the day progressed I felt even worse - chills, head ache. All day yesterday I just hung out (did laundry), skipped my training run. The cold symptoms appeared last night, but it seems to be all that there is - A BAD COLD, which I am ignoring.

I never got to the store for the batteries to juice my scale. It is on my list, but at this point it looks like I'll just hang on til Weigh-in-Wednesday to check my weight. My GIRL's Weekend starts Friday. The challenge was to be 6 lbs lighter. I don't think I made it to 6 - but I did lose. I guess that will have to be good enough.

An Excellent Swim

I got up early and met my sisters at the Y. There was the usual line of spinners and swimmers waiting for the doors to open. Today I was there to swim and we had an AWESOME workout.

2150 total yds, 1 hour 15 min. My longest swim of the season. My fastest 50 was 53 seconds; my fastest 250 was 4:45. (I need to write these down somewhere to track my improvement over time.) We showered, sat in the sauna and then went to DD for coffee and a breakfast sandwich (english with ham egg and cheese). I was STARVING and it was a better choice than the 'big as you head' bagel with cream cheese. Now I am off to skating with my oldest and then...

Target to buy a battery for my scale. I am feeling lighter than ever. I will of course wait til tomorrow morning to jump on, but I feel confident that when I do I will FINALLY see the numbers I've been longing to see for the last 12 years!! Onward, DOWNWARD!!!

This is a true story.

I had a good diet day yesterday and this morning as planned, I stepped on the scale and -- the batteries were dead - so I saw no numbers. I even felt like I weighed less today... I actually felt like 189 was within reach... So, I got dressed, took the van to the shop for an oil change and got a donut. WHAT? Yes, I had a donut for breakfast and I ate french fries for lunch. Yes, apparently I am a sabotager. However, I am working tonight from 6-10 and I am NOT eating dinner (other than the apple I packed). I will come home and go to bed hoping that the breakfast and lunch was equal to what a day's worth of calories should have been --- minus the nutrition.

Fast, like a new pair of sneakers

I love my bike. I rode it to work this morning; 15 miles round-trip. The first of many, many miles to come. It is FAST like a new pair of sneakers - and I made it up a very long, steep hill without dying --- although the thought did occur to me about 3/4 the way up.

Diet is good today so I may just be able to get on the scale in the morning if I can keep it all together for the next 5 hours or so. My DH is not coming home tonight, so I can make grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner and not feel guilty. My mood is GOOD, so I think I'll go out and enjoy the sunshine with a little raking.

Weigh in Wednesday cancelled.

I wonder if I am sabotaging myself. Every time I get within range of NEW numbers on the scale I seem to screw it up. I don't think I ate anything bad yesterday, just far too much. I grazed all afternoon. It just didn't feel right. I am going to try TRY try to eat within my calories today (portion control) and make it a "Weigh in Thursday" instead. I have to enforce the FACT that a good workout does not constitute a license to eat.

Drip Drip Drip...

Sometimes I just don't want to know. My kids are in the shower. I can hear the water hitting the floor; not of the shower, but the bathroom. I am certain that one day I will hear the crash of the bath tub falling into the basement through the rotten, water-logged floor... I just don't have it in me to SCREAM tonight, so I will choose to believe it's not happening and hope that they will at least put the soggy towels in the hamper... Yes, I am delusional.

I am EXHAUSTED. I was a cleaning maniac today after my awesome 3.5 mile run! A new PR for my 5 km course of 33:47, which I attribute to the 2 skinny ladies that met me at the turn around. No way were they going to pass me (and they didn't). I don't have an exercise event tomorrow because of all the rink sitting I'll be doing, but my lawn has been calling me to rake and the weather is supposed to be wonderful. I am sure to be equally exhausted tomorrow.

Oh yeah -- weigh in is tomorrow and I have been GRAZING all afternoon. Can't put my finger on why? We'll see if I still feel like stepping on the scale. You know the games I play...

I LOVE MONDAYS

I do LOVE Mondays. As a SAHM (stay at home mom), Mondays is my day to regroup, get everyone back on schedule and get my husband back at work. We didn't have a lot going on this weekend, so he wanted to do a few things around the house that WERE NOT on MY to do list. These included switching to SPRING clothes and putting away the winter stuff. Well, he managed to pull out all of his sweaters to go to the dry cleaners, pull the bins of summer stuff out of the attic, and ... yup, that's about it. Today after spinning I have clothes to drop off and buckets of stuff to hang or fold and put away. THANKS. For working folks, I liken this to someone sitting at your desk. No one likes their stuff to be messed with....

ANYWAY enough of domestic bliss. The weather is not yet cooperating to ride, so running was on the agenda Saturday. I had a great 5 + miler, which included intervals and (from the April edition of RUNNERS WORLD) plyometrics (aka skipping and jumping). By doing these drills, you can increase your speed by 8%! Anything to get me to go faster is worth trying, and my sisters and I all agreed that skipping is FUN.

Sunday I guarded at the pool from 7:30 - noon and then had a semi-bad lunch at a local pub with the family before I went back to the pool for "family swim". I tried to do some kicking, swimming, but I wouldn't really call it a workout. SO I have one RED BOX on the training schedule. Oh well.

The weather is supposed to be a little better this week, so maybe -- just maybe --- I'll be able to get a ride in. I have a TON to do at the house - general cleaning and yard work, but I think that will always be the case. For now, I'll focus on having a good spin, and eating a healthy diet today.

It was just too COLD to ride

The temp this morning was 27. It was 34 when I pulled out of my yard in my neighbor's car. It was just too cold to face 10 miles on the bike, teach, dry off and another 10 miles home. I will do it when it gets a little warmer - like 60s. Eventually I will look into some cold weather riding gear, but it wasn't in the cards for today. SO, I ended up sticking to my training schedule with a 30 min swim workout (I did 50 and 100 yd repeats).

Tomorrow will be an 'optional workout', but with the big second grade school play, half day at school, and picking up the busted car, I don't think I will get much in workout-wise. Saturday is my weekly RUN with the SISTERs workout, (which WILL happen this week), and Sunday I guard in the morning, but hope to get a workout in at the Y before I head home.

Just trying to JUST DO IT.

Weigh in Wednesday - 190.0 !!!

The good news - I got up determined, stepped on the scale and... TA DA... 190.0 . It wasn't the OMG news of the 180s, but I am SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT... I need to harness this mojo for the next few days as my STRESS increases so that I can keep going down. Why, you ask?

If I could ever get a week when I wasn't saddled with SOMETHING, I would be in HEAVEN. This week was supposed to be recovery from last week's craziness. Instead, the car decided to break and my husband has my van. I am CAR-LESS. So, I need to scrape by with the groceries I have (or don' t have). I have to scrape together rides for the kids to get to skating. I can't get the car fixed until Friday. HMMPH!

My big thing is work tomorrow. I just can't miss it. I am debating riding my new bike which would be fine, except it will be 40 degrees out. Can I stand it? Stay tuned...

Determination

It's a good thing.

Yesterday, I went spinning for 60 min. and did an upper body weight session for 20 (chest, back and shoulders). I came home and godsend - my neighbor took my little one to KidsGym so that I could clean. I put in some laundry, vacuumed, dusted, and mopped the kitchen floor. I wonder how many calories I burned,because I did not stop for 2 straight hours!

This morning I walked my youngest to preschool and ran 3.1 miles - 35:30. Anything sub 12 is good for me. Now I am off to shower and volunteer at my second grader's class. So far my plan for the week is working. When I get home I am going to put together a meal plan and shopping list for tomorrow. I already made an appointment for the dog to get groomed, though it won't be til next Wednesday. I'll just keep checking things off the list - WEIGH IN is coming and I am feeling good about it.