And I whined all the way...

Today's workout was probably the hardest of the year. I did not want to go to my sister's this morning. I wanted to pretend the alarm clock wasn't going off at 5:00 am. I wanted to roll over and sleep til 9, but I shut it off, got up and headed out. That's what having workout partners will do for moods like mine. I arrived with no coffee because I didn't want to be late, and we were off. Six LONG miles with a mile-long hill at marker 4.5. We walked twice; once when my sister rolled her ankle and fell (no damage other than ego), and then after the LONG hill. My legs were burning and I had a cramp in my butt! I whined the entire time.

When we got back, I changed into bike shorts, downed a pint of water and a Guu and hopped on the bike. My "too perky for words" sister decided on the 22 mile route. THANK GOODNESS that the skies darkened and we cut it short by 7 miles or so to escape the Lightning and hail. I was SO unmotivated. I was cursing every hill and bump in the road. I wanted to be anywhere but on a bike. What the heck was wrong with me? All I can say was that I was SO glad to be done. I was spent.

And now I get to hang with the family, go to the movies and chill on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Tomorrow I work from 730-1200 guarding. RECOVERY DAY!

OH - and I weighed in at 5:00 am at 190.0. I am going to work on this, and I will weigh in at a new number come next Saturday. I know that getting on the scale every day is right for me, so that's my new plan - along with my healthy choices and portions!

Weigh in - 190.0

So close to being back into the 180s. I will not fret. I am sticking to my guns; logging food, exercising. Tomorrow is my scary long workout at 6:00 a.m. Just looking forward to having it OVER. I don't know why I am being so whimpish about this?

Off to work and get a quick 1200 in... well maybe I'll shoot for 1300 so that I can get my 2500 quota for the week!

Weigh in 192, 192, 190.5

I weighed in as promised. My Tuesday morning weight was 192.0. That is a 3 pound gain from my last weigh in a few weeks ago. HMMPH! I do not like being in the 190's. I am back on a strict plan; and since I am weighing every morning I am not tempted to eat at night.

Wednesday weigh in 192.0. HMMPH! Today's weigh in 190.5 - Moving in the right direction.

Exercise - I biked Monday (22 miles; HILLY VERY), took Wednesday to get my house back together after the long weekend. This morning I rode to work (15 miles round trip, with the steepest hill ever) and then did a swim workout; which included a timed 500 (pr 9:18); and 50's (pr 43 sec); and I had to do a rescue sprint as part of this months in-service training (55 sec). I think the total workout was 1200 m. I am gearing up for a big workout Saturday morning. We are running 6 miles and then biking 15. I don't know why, but I am dreading it!

I ate cake.

There I said it.

Sometimes I feel like a sham, but honestly when I write "I will not eat cake", I believe I won't and then... It's as if someone else takes over my psyche. I see it, I eat it. Yesterday it was 4 or 5 "2 bite" brownies before I ate cake - a small piece of"Easy Bake Oven" style strawberry cake. It's a favorite of the kids, but I really don't like it and I ate it anyway. At least it was a small piece.

The rest of the day was fine. We went to dinner late. I got a chicken with veggies and pasta dish and left half the pasta and a decent amount of chicken. On the way home I got a kid cone at Dairy Queen for dessert. I know what is possible when I eat right and exercise. I know how empowering it is to say "no thank you" to delicious fatty foods. I know how strong I feel when I work out hard. It just doesn't make sense that I know all of these things and still choose to do what is not healthy for my body.

I am looking for some sort of divine inspiration and I know that it's not coming. It's just not there for what I want to do. It's all about ME and the choices I make for my self. I need to get to work and stop dancing around this issue. If I want to lose weight, I have to make some real changes about what I put in my body. If I want to be faster and stronger I have to weigh less and train at a level that will improve my cardio fitness, not just maintain.

Like an addict I will do this one day at a time. No goals other than what I want to accomplish in a single day like weighing in, journaling and getting in some form of exercise even if I only have time for a few crunches or a walk around the block with the dog. I have about 5 weeks to go before the Cohasset triathlon and I could see some big improvement over last week's effort if I work.

Ran Faster

Back from my sisters. Average HR 155 for the 45 minute run this morning. I wasn't puking, but I know that I worked harder than I have in the last month or so. That is good. I ate a banana, an egg mcmuffin and coffee. Not a breakfast of champions, but I wanted it and it is within my calorie plan for the day.

Off to my nieces for a b-day party. I WILL NOT EAT CAKE! Tomorrow I am taking the entire day OFF. I am doing yard work, or laundry, or reading or sleeping --whatever I want. I guess I should let the family in on that...

No More Excuses

Slug week continues as I did not ride to work this morning. I could give a number of reasons, but really they would just be lazy excuses. Suffice to say, I just wasn't feeling it. Tomorrow I am resigned to run with my sisters and hope that I will finally get a REAL workout.

My scale vacation is OVER Monday morning. I promised Mel at Diet Naked that I will weigh in for 7 straight days, in an attempt to own the numbers on the scale and stop this stupid game I've been playing for the last month or so.

I need to start losing weight again and put forth a real effort to do so. I got my triathlon pictures this morning and OMG! I didn't realize that I was still SO fat! You lose a few pounds, start feeling good and, oh yeah -- you are still fat; not as fat, but fat none the less so get off your duff and stop eating. That is what I am telling my body. I know it's a little harsh, but it needs to be right now. I was letting things slide.

ONWARD. DOWNWARD.

SLUG Day...

All this "need to refocus", "tune-up", "increase intensity"; What did I do this morning? 3 miles on the elliptical and then I purposely took a long time getting my suit on so that I wouldn't have time to swim before my classes started. Can you say BIG SLUG? Tomorrow I am teaching 2 classes for a friend, so riding my bike to work will be tricky - BUT doable. Saturday is my first workout with my sisters in about 2 weeks. I hope they kick my butt. Monday I have an early morning ride scheduled, which will hopefully be a little bit more intense than last Saturday's 2 hour gossip session. Where is my MOJO?

I think I need a tune up.

I have been eating - not poorly, but not writing things down. It bugs me, because I think that I am doing well and then I start to calculate calories in my head only to discover that I am WAY OVER my daily limits. I need to weigh in, but I am afraid that my lack of focus will have caused me to gain weight. Yes, I know that I weigh what I weigh regardless of whether I actually step on a scale and read the number. However, I seem to believe that if I don't see the number, it is not real. I take an opportunity to set things right (by eating less) and then check to see if it's worked in a few days. Yes, I know that's what I did last week and it just may be what happens with this week's weigh in as well. This worries me because it is a slippery slope to regaining the 14 pounds I've worked SO hard to lose since November. That number sounds SO unbelievably pathetic. I feel like it should be more like 20 or 30 pounds after all this effort.

I need to get back on my eating plan. I need a TUNE UP. Journal faithfully and track my calories; a 1500 limit. I need a trip to the scale at least once a week (though honestly I know I do better when I get on a daily weigh in schedule).

I also want to up the intensity of my training. Today I ran 3+ miles. I did it at an excrutiatingly slow pace; like barely a jog. How will this help me run faster? It won't. Intensity, intervals that will help. I actually have to get my heart rate up. I need to ride my bike hard, not just hold a 2 hour conversation with my neighbor. My next race is June 28th. It is an ocean swim; I will christen my wetsuit. Both of my sisters will be doing it with me; and although I did beat my little sister this weekend, it was by just a few seconds - YES SECONDS and she just had a baby 6 months ago. What the heck is my problem? Well, incredibly SLOW transitions is high on the list, but I could also do better over all if I dropped a few more pounds, increased my intensity and tried just a little bit harder. I need to leave my comfort zone.

We'll see how it goes.

LION'S SPRING SPRINT 2008

First race of the season is over. I finished in 1:26:12. I forgot to hit my watch, so I have NO idea how the individual events went, although I felt a little sluggish in the pool, fine on the bike and not so bad on the run (which was all up hill with one steep half-mile down hill at the end). My first transition could definately been faster, but the second one was fast - like 2:30 or so. We'll see when the results are published.

I came home, stacked 2 cords of wood, showered and now it's on to the laundry. A mom's duties are never ever done. I will be so happy when it's bedtime!

Ya, I know...

I forgot to weigh in yesterday morning. I got up and came downstairs with a mission to pack lunches for the kids. I cut up a melon and started eating. Next cereal, coffee... Oops... So, I could have just got on the scale and considered what I ate, but that's not me. I have a weird relationship with my scale - rituals, the whole nine yards. And last night we had dinner out with friends - too much wine, too much FAT food. I need a day or so to get it off of me... Monday weigh in? We'll see.

It's 5:25 and maybe it's raining. The tri is tomorrow and I have a bike ride to get through this morning. With the weather the way it is I plan to keep it short, wipe the bike down and pack up the gear for tomorrow. I am just a little anxious...

Three days to go...

My first Triathlon of the season is SUNDAY... It actually made me get my butt to the gym and run (it was raining outside). I did 3+ miles and then a 500 in the pool before I taught my 2 classes. Tomorrow I will ride my bike to work, swim and teach and Saturday morning I am going for a bike ride with my lady friends. We all talk too much, so we go pretty slow - I don't think it will be too taxing. Sunday I am just out to do my best - whatever that may be...

On the eating front, I had a small (kid) cone from Dairy Queen and called it my supper. My DH brought home a pizza (he worked late) and I did not (REPEAT did not) have even one bite, although that act nearly killed me. I was pretty smug this morning like I really don't even like pizza anymore. Yeah, right.

Fat Doodle

My dog is FAT. She gained nearly 12 pounds since her last check up. Is it my imagination or did the vet give me the once over? Did he think "fat parents, have fat children, have fat dogs"? Or was that me?

I love my dog. She gets an extra walk today.

Life in Cartoon Motion

There are some mornings when I tend to over analyse. It's my way of procrastinating. I did not want to run this morning, but I knew I had to. With illness and work and school vacation and commitments it has been more than a few weeks since I've gotten in a good, solid, 4-mile run, outside in the wind, on the hills. Starting is definately the hardest part. My legs felt like cinder blocks for the first mile and then --- MIKA. Can I just tell you how much I LOVE, yes LOVE Life in Cartoon Motion. I know it's been out for a while, but there is just no other cluster of songs that make me want to run as fast as these do. What began as torture, ended as fun and satisfaction! I think I just may run a good race Sunday morning.

Clean Living

Hiking with the family Saturday was fun. It was a stroll down memory lane; the woods we played in as kids. The land has been sold to developers and it's a damn shame. There is an old cellar hole (haunted) and a huge granite-faced ledge - about 75 feet tall, and a spring fed brook. It's about a mile+ into the woods (15/20 min hike) and for a neighborhood of 8 -12 year olds it equated to days of summer fun. Of course by today's standards, letting your kids wander for hours on dangerous rocks, streams and open cellar holes would be considered nothing less than neglect or child endangerment.

My kids were amazed. My mom, who had never been up there was amazed, that aside from a few scrapes, bumps and an occasional porcipine quill in a dog's nose, no one ever got hurt. Times were definately different. And, although we headed back to brother's house for lunch; we all decided that it was nice to have a family event that wasn't centered around food.

Sunday, I volunteered at the Season Opener Triathlon. It was great fun and a beautiful day. I made friends with my kayak well before the start of the race and was pretty comfortable by the time the swimmers entered the water. According to the race director, they pulled out more people yesterday than they ever had - the water temp was a whopping 52 degrees. I think the biggest issue was not getting into the water before the start of the race. I only counted about 20 people out of 300 that "warmed up", so many could not get beyond that initial cold water shock and catch their breath. 4 people were pulled out, 1 had an asthma attack and had to go to the hospital. I let a few hang on to my kayak, and encouraged many to just keep swimming and get out of the water. I hung around after and handed out water to finishers. Overall, it was a well-organized race, great venue and it was nice to finally be a volunteer.

SO - I swam a little today. My arm is killing me - I think it is carpal tunnel - so I am going to ice/aleve and try not type too much and see if it helps. I am also going to NOT pick up kids in the pool or hoist my butt out from the side of the pool (ladders and stairs only), or hold the dog's leash in my right hand. I need to be better! Friday will be weigh in. I am back to clean healthy living!

Weigh in Friday - 189

Well, I honestly expected to see a small gain or a stay the same - SO a half pound down (and an all time low (since 1997) was a super surprise. I really feel good about my fitness level and other than a few days of not journaling - my eating is great. Good choices and proper portions. That's what it's all about.

I had a decent run/walk workout before I taught my classes. This weekend I have an early morning bike ride and then we're hiking with my mom Saturday (rain or shine) and Sunday I am guarding at the first open water triathlon of the season. Oh, and I was informed Tuesday that I will be guarding from a kayak - and I haven't been in a kayak in 3+ years. Let's just say that I am a little nervous -especially since the odds of me having to help someone are high (wetsuits are suggested, not required and the water temps are in the low-mid 50s).

Lot's of good things going on. I am feeling much more myself (except for a little shoulder issue) and I am looking forward to my first tri of the season (5/17). AND yes, I will beat my sister!

Living in the Moment

Today I rode my bike to work. It was gorgeous out - 65 degrees, sunny, no traffic. The ride has some monster hills, but I faced them down - conquered them and made it to work on time. I guarded for an hour, taught a couple of classes and came home to a semi clean house. I ate a decent lunch, changed my clothes and I have nothing left to do (pressing) today. I might even get to watch Oprah if I play my cards right.

It's days like this that make me thankful for all I am and all I have.

Two weeks till RACE DAY!

I have my first triathlon of the season in 2 short weeks. I haven't really been thinking about it with being sick and having sick kids and skating shows and other general mayhem. TWO WEEKS!!! I am getting a little anxious and mostly because of the way my sister brought it up - like she's in direct competition with me! Last time I did this race I came in second for the Athena division (and yes, there were 5 of us - but my sister didn't compete) So, knowing that our field is pretty small, she's eyeing the prize and she wants to beat me. WOW. We've always trained together, but its always been about bettering our times and not beating one another. I suppose it's one way to push each other, but I really hope that things don't get out of hand.

On another note, I am REALLY stumbling on the diet. I tried SPARK, but it's been a while and I forgot how time consuming it can be. I am also developing a case of carpal tunnel (or something like it and my elbow/wrist can only take typing and mousing for just so long before I am aching...

RECOMMIT - weigh, measure, count calories. 1500 is the magic number there... I am done eating today. I will have a better day tomorrow. I will weigh in this FRIDAY. I will follow my training schedule. I did have an awesome 2200 m swim workout today. I felt strong and this is GOOD!!

182.5

That's my new number.

Before I hit 189.5 a few weeks ago - it was getting in the 180's that I was focused on. Now that I am officially in the 180's, my new challenge will be to hit 182.5 That is the last number I remember weighing in the 180's. It was 1997, and I had just started my dream job. I also decided it was time to quit smoking. Six months later, I weighed in at Weight Watchers a much larger 192.5. It's been that long - WOW.

SO, How will I get there. I need to refocus my efforts on genuine weight loss. I've been journaling, but think that Spark people or Fitday is probably needed to keep my calorie counts more accurate. I think it's harder to guess-timate because they have calorie counts for nearly every food. I honestly think that I've been cheating myself and that, coupled with a slack in my exercise program, has resulted in an all too familiar maintenance mode. I need to step it up!

Today I planned to ride my bike to work, but it was raining and cold so I drove in early and lifted weights for 30 min. (upper body) and then swam a 200. I guess I was feeling a little LAZY. Tomorrow my sisters are running 6 miles. I need to do something on my own and I suppose I too could run 6 miles, but I am my worst enemy... Hopefully I will get in something -- an honest 3? I wish I knew what was wrong with me!! APATHY REIGNS!

Still dragging my butt...

I know that I have PMS. I have NO patience, I am mad-eating, I am apathetic about exercise and I am stressing about the dumbest things. I laid awake last night thinking about the mean receptionist at the skating club. I worried about my daughters' poison-whatever, that has spread, but is by no means a life-threatening illness. I worried about her anger issues... She's 8.

I didn't want to get on the scale after the disasterous day I had food-wise yesterday - fried fish sandwich with french fries, tartar sauce -- then took bites from my daughters half-eaten grilled cheese. Came home from that fiasco and ate the rest of the tacos from the previous night (all the meat, but only one shell) and then had a stupid chocolate cupcake with cream frosting... It was SO not worth it. Of course it was a stumble... but I will not fall (thanks Lyn).

I got up this morning after my night of no sleep and had a reasonable breakfast (2 special K waffles, light butter, tbsp light surup), snack (2 baby belle -light cheese circles), lunch giant salad made of cucumbers, onions, lettuce, croutons, feta, mint and light balsamic dressing, followed by a 100 cal Hershsy snack (my answer to chocolate cravings). I also just had a little pirates booty.

I needed to go running, but ended up walking the first mile, then running the last 1.5. I was SO not into it and I feel good that I at least got out. Energy low, stress high and exercise made me feel better - I know it did. Hopefully over the next few days I will mellow out and get back into things. After 3 fairly poor training weeks, I think I am about due for improved health, motivation and a little weight loss! Go me!