I need to WORK OUT

I know I need to work out. I KNOW IT. It is un-nerving to me that I know what is good for me and I choose (yes, choose) not to do it. APATHY reigns surpreme right now. Moving beyond this will take a lot of mind muscle... maybe today I will walk the dog. Maybe tomorrow morning I will go for a run. The first step back will be the hardest. Someone please kick my butt!

Feeling a Resolve

The endorphins kicked in this weekend. I had the Danskin Triathlon; it was something I have NOT been looking forward to since my life has been nuts and I hadn't worked out in a couple of weeks. My goal was to finish and I did in record time. 139:11 . I think being a little lighter had to have helped and I wore my wetsuit, which definately improved my swim time. My run pace was 11:34/mile, and that was fine with me. I could have been faster on the bike, but there were ALOT of beginners on the course and more accidents than I have ever seen at a race so I had to put the brakes on more than I would have wanted to. In the end it was a decent weekend; time with my sisters away from my kids/husband and a great workout. Hopefully it will encourage me to get back into the workouts, continue watching my diet and take care of me too.

I am still just biding my time until my daughter's appointment Aug. 16th. She's felt pretty good and I am able to deal with her symptoms. I have a lot of issues with my husband and how he's reacted to all of this, but I know it's not anything we can't deal with --- in fact I am taking steps to get us counseling. Anything to get us all on the same page - united and moving forward.

My sister (who's lost 25lbs since January) just gave me her old favorite jeans. They fit, and they are size 12! I haven't been this light in more than 10 years. My weight Saturday morning was 180.5 . I know the big loss was NERVES, but now that it's off, I really want to keep it off and continue moving downward. It can only help make me stronger, healthier and better able to deal with the challenges I have looming.

Still hanging on...

SO my life is still crazy, but I've managed to pull myself together a little bit better than I did last week. At least I don't fall into tears every time I talk to someone. What a mess! My daughter is stable, but still very sick and I won't be able to see a specialist until August 16 which just kills me. I have NO PATIENCE.

My sisters are making me do the triathlon this weekend. I haven't done a thing in 2 weeks! I will just finish and that is fine. Hopefully I will at least get a quick bike and run this week so that my feet remember what it is they are supposed to do come Sunday morning.

Send good vibes.

Trying to keep going

Things are not better, but not worse - thank God.

I am trying to tell myself that God only gives you what he knows you can handle. It's probably the worst time of my life. I went to train with my sisters Saturday. I NEEDED to go and even though I didn't feel very strong - I biked, but walked instead of ran, I went. Triathlon is in 2 weeks and it couldn't be further from my thoughts.

183.5 - Under normal circumstances I would be thrilled to see the scale drop so fast, but I know that this is not good for me. I try to eat, but NOTHING tastes good. My stomach is in knots.

I know I have to be strong. I know I need to get out. I know I can't let this consume me.

Stress

I am still in the throws of the absolute worst event of my life. One of my girls is sick; really sick. I am doing my best to take care of myself; a little exercise here and there; a walk with the dog. My weight is 186.5. I've lost about 4 lbs in the last week. To be honest, I decided to go back on antidepressants; I am really stressed and nothing I eat tastes good at all.

Updates when I can.

Making an effort

Yesterday we had a big cookout at my sisters. I had steamed clams dipped in butter, snacked on chips and dip and finished with half a hamburger, salad and a slice of pie for desert. I didn't overeat, but I ate what I wanted; and drank what I wanted - 3 bacardi mojitos (yum) and a glass or so of good red wine. That was from noon to 8, so this morning I felt just fine.

I got up as planned and did a short 45 min ride with my neighbor. She's wanted to go biking, but she's not an early riser so we compromised with 7:00 am. She's got an old bike with a lot of shifting problems so it wasn't much of a workout. However, it was good to just get out of the house. I need to run tomorrow a.m. or even later today if I can find some mojo. Motivation is low and I need a kick in the butt in the worst possible way.

Slug week

This week was emotionally exhausting. I've had some big issues on my plate that I choose not to discuss here, and they have sucked the life right out of me. I did nothing in terms of exercising. NOTHING; and I won't start anew until Sunday or Monday.

I don't think I am gaining weight, but I haven't been on the scale. I know that I need to step it up; I know that I need to take care of myself, but it's hard to do when other things are consuming your energy. It's so easy to just let it all slide, but I won't. I'll get it together soon.