Day 5 - No weigh in...

Got up late and rushed to get the kids ready and out the door. Thought about the scale on my way to work... Oh well.

I wore a new bathing suit today. It was a "grab bag" that a friend ordered and it didn't look awful; and it was a 38 when I usually go for the 40s. I guess it's a good sign that I am not gaining.

My legs are KILLING me today - definately worse day 2, from Wednesday's muscle conditioning class.... I got into the pool before class and did 1000 m freestyle to try and loosen things up. It didn't really work... Oh well. I saw a poster for the Jingle Jaunt, December 6. It's a 5K that I think I should just sign up for - maybe the sisters will do it as well. I need some sort of training goal.

Tonight is TRICK or TREATING. I have VOWED not to eat my kids' candy. Let's see how good my will power is... I am also thinking about the dreaded WeightWatchers.... Is that dumb? I just don't want to get a case of the "I'll just start over January 1st". It's happened so many times and I would for once in a long time like to keep the losses I've worked so hard for this year!

Day 4 - Clean eating

Hooray for me! I actually went to a muscle conditioning class at the Y last night. My kids wanted to play on the rock wall and rather than read a book I did a million squats (or I guess it only felt like a million). At last, something physical. Tomorrow I will swim before work and Saturday my sister is convinced we need to run 6 miles (so be it, and it may take a while).

The eating thing is going well. Aside from coffee and sneaking a few fries last night I am doing very well. I should be ready to get on the scale in the morning (if I don't forget and eat my oatmeal and drink a pint of coffee). I am totally enjoying the relaxed atmosphere in the house. It only means that I need to DO something with my relationship... How I love to procrastinate!

Day 2 of Clean Eating

I've had mango, kiwi, 2 nutrigrain waffles, light butter, 100 cal pak of lorna doones and I am cooking and sampling Cauliflower-Garlic-Leek Soup. It's pretty good, but STINKY. The cooking odors from roasting the veggies are making my eyes water. The jury is out as to whether the kids will eat it, but I will and at 76 calories per serving I could eat the whole pot! (but I won't).

I did not get to the gym. Why? I had training at the library this morning and my daughter has a play date now. I was just not in the cards. See - I had an excuse. Of course, I am sitting right next to the old exercise ball, which frankly has been nothing more than a toy for my kids. However, I have a date to exercise with my siblings this Saturday and if all goes according to plan I will have 6 miles done - no matter how long it takes! I also have to go to work at the Y tomorrow and Friday, so it is conceivable that I could get my butt in gear and do SOMETHING... ANYTHING physical before I have to teach. I have HOPE that I will at least get 3 workouts in!

Day 1 - Clean Eating...

OK, I failed miserably on my exercise challenge last week. I only got in ONE dedicated session - NOT GOOD. I will begin anew... Challenge this week will be 30 min of exercise every day. I just walked the dog for 15 minutes, so there - half way through. Yes, I know it should be more, but I really need a pat on the back so starting small and doable is the way to go right now.

I bought a couple of good magazines and have vowed to make at least 3 meals from the recipes I found. The one I am most excited about is a cauliflower-garlic-leek soup. It sounds delicious (and low cal). I'll let you know how it turns out. My DH is gone for the week so I don't have to worry about whether he has a meal that contains meat. It makes my life a lot easier, and frankly, healthier. I also don't have to worry about bad snacks and soda. Clean eating is the motto for the week.

As for Halloween, I am NOT eating ANY candy!! I bought "BlowPops" which I hate. I have offered to buy candy from my kids which will promptly go to the local food pantry and out of my house. They are not fans of chocolate (good for them) so the sooner it goes, the better for us all.

What have I gotten myself into...

My kids have a Halloween party tonight and my daughter's friend is sleeping over. What possessed me to say yes? I don't think I'll ever know. I am setting myself up for a lot of NOs, mean mom looks and the mess that will ensue. Unfortunately my kids tend to behave at their worst when friends are over... It's no fun for moms. So much for all of my hard work this week; getting my house back in order.

My workout challenge is going badly; athough I did get a good swim in today. I don't know why I am so sluggish, but I am... and I didn't get on the scale yet this week -- maybe tomorrow morning. I don't think I have gained any weight, though I don't think I've lost anything either. I really just need to get it together.

Next week my husband will be gone on a business trip. What it means is that I can make the meals I want (veggie, indian, or fish). I can go to bed when I want and I will be able to maintain a clean house (no gross shaving sink, no extra laundry, no wet towels everywhere!!) I should have some extra "ME" time to exercise, get myself together and relax. I SO NEED THIS!

Maybe the break will help me to regroup: focus on relationships, health and wellness and provide a little direction to a crazy busy fall season.

I Could be Running...

I could be running... I could be cleaning my dirty house... I could be walking my slug-like dog, now slightly overweight, however, I am surfing the web and updating my blog. I give myself 5 minutes before I have to shut this thing off - what a time suck!

Tomorrow I have signed up for spinning. It will be my first class in about 3 months - now that it is a little too cold to ride. I am trying to get three good weekly exercise sessions - with a bonus on the weekend. Let's see if I can reach this goal. I will weigh in Friday, and if I stop eating cheese I should be good. I seem to be addicted to the stuff this week!

I officially started my new job yesterday at the library. I LOVE IT!! The people are awesome and the 4 hours seemed to fly by. I consider it a treat to go - I can't wait until next weekend!!

I guess that's all I have to say right now. I am still fat, still not on a regular exercise schedule (though I'm trying) and my house is still dirty. I will end the procrastination session and do what I can before my little one gets home from school.

I'm back - WEIGH IN - 185.5

Maintaining, which I suppose is good though I am ready to start losing again.

I am still frazzled; just a little less so since we got back from our short vacation. Washington felt like New England summer - 80's, sunny and no humidity. We walked to all of the monuments and with the exception of one big dinner at Tony Cheng's Restaurant in Chinatown, I did very well with the eating. It certainly helped that my DH is NOT at all on plan. He was eating like I have NEVER seen him before. It repulsed me and made me even more determined to stay on plan. We are not really getting along these days; we need some serious marriage counseling; so perhaps this is how I deal with the stress. Between the marriage issues and my daughter's illness I have a pretty full plate; my food intake is all I can control.

With all the crap going on in my life you would think that I would be exercising and you would be wrong. I am actually hoping to swim a bit before I teach this morning, but other than that and a short walk on Tuesday, that is all I have accomplished. I felt yesterday that I am more ready to get myself together. My library training is finished and I'll be back to a regular teaching schedule at the YMCA next week. I need to commit to a plan and follow through... I'll reveal that plan tomorrow.

Crap, my jeans are tight...

This is NOT a good sign. I must stop eating NOW. I can not pretend that I am maintaining by not stepping on a scale! SO - I am ready to begin anew. Back to basics - eat it, write it, drink water (which I have done this week) and WALK or do some other form of exercise. I am going away this weekend, but I am NOT going on a diet vacation because of it.

I WILL GET ON THE SCALE TUESDAY MORNING. I will have logged food 4 days and I will stay under 1600 calories per day. I am sick of taking 2 steps forward and 3 back. I know I can do what I set my mind to...

A Most Crazy Busy Weekend....

OK - Pitty pary over. My life is busy - oh well... It doesn't mean that I have to eat crap and it doesn't mean that I get a "no exercise" pass. It means I have to be better at scheduling and I need to adjust to what is...

I walked ALOT this weekend and will do so next weekend as well. We're going to Washington with the kids to see the sites and catch up with old friends. I am very excited. I lived there for several years before marriage/children and I really do miss it. I am sure that I will move back there at some point. In the meantime, we've got sites to see, zoos to visit and that means walking. As long as I keep an eye on my food intake it should be a gain-free time. I am getting on the scale for next Tuesdays weigh in regardless of what I put in my mouth. That gives me something to consider before I order my favorite Eastern Market Breakfast of banana walnut pancakes smothered in butter and powered sugar....

This is just the way it is...

The world will not stop. There will never be NORMAL. We will never be on a schedule. I will never have a clean house or a properly stocked kitchen. My checkbook will never be balanced. We'll never have enough space, money, time, to do what we want to; when we want to... It will never be good enough, but I will have to accept that it is good enough...

THIS IS JUST THE WAY LIFE IS....

Now I have to learn to deal with it. I have to learn to eat properly without excuses; I have to exercise knowing the planets are not aligned. I can't sweat the small stuff, I have to learn to roll with the punches, turn lemons into lemonade...

I am frustrated. I am angry that my life is SO crazy, not normal... I feel frazzled and anxious and wish that I could just get off the ride for a little while to rest and regroup. But I can't; so I'll just keep doing what I am doing, and hoping that one day I will feel a little bit better about how things are going. I will never give up. I do have hope that one day I will find my happy place.