Week 2 - Up .4 lbs

Point 4 - up, but truth be told; I am feeling a little bloated as it is that time of the month. I am not saying that I dieted on Turkey Day, but I didn't eat excessively and I made it a day; rather than an entire weekend. That's the trick isn't it.

I am back on a plan and I have 9 lbs to lose before the end of the year. I plan to make that goal. Next weekend I have a 5K race as well as a family party, but I am feeling really motivated; like I am going to succeed this time. I have to do some shopping this week during my kid-free hours, but I WILL get to the gym two times this week before the race Saturday morning.

No stress is my mantra. If it starts to get crazy, I need to back off. This is the absolute worst time of year. I know the kids are excited, but I REALLY hate it. Greed and over-consumption is all that I see and I have to work extra hard to see what is good. I am trying.

Week 1 of Weight Watchers!

First LOSS - 1.4 lbs - weight is 185.0.

Considering I was half-assed about the program, I am happy with the loss. I will work harder this week, in spite of Thanksgiving.

Off to get my house in order; I feel like my time has been sucked up with everyone else this week...

Trying to make some REAL changes

My daughter is on medication with a side effect of weight gain. Since September she has put on about 8 lbs and it really bothers me. I was a fat kid. I know what it's like to be teased; to feel uncomfortable in your clothes. I remember crying in more than one fitting room because the cool clothes I wanted to wear just didn't fit. In particular, I remember a a rainbow bathing suit that EVERYONE had --- except me. I had breasts at age ten and 10 year old suits had no bras and no liners. I was stuck with a "ladies suit" and I felt horrible.

I developed an eating disorder in what I felt was a necessity to lose weight. I managed to get go from 173 in 8th grade to 118 in high school; from a 14/16 to size 5/6 Calvins... those were the days... I was athletic, but my diet was horrible. I would have "fast days" and eat nothing. I remember going to bed at 7 p.m. to get away from the temptations of the kitchen. If I over ate I purged... I never considered nutrition.

Fast forward. I am definately more thoughtful about what I put in my mouth. I have let go of the old habits and no longer purge, though the desire is still there when I happen to eat too much. I try to put on a good face for my kids. They know I want to lose weight and they know that I continually try. I have been more thoughtful about what I buy - lots of veggies and fruits, and I am trying to make more of an effort to have good snacks on hand when my daughter gets home from school. What I am finding out is that it is not easy. It takes work to be healthy, but I know from my past how important it is. I want my daughter to have the freedom to just concentrate on developing her "self" and not worry about FAT. It is SO hard to be a kid these days that I don't want her to have to add another hurdle to an already complicated life. If I can help her to avoid any more weight gain I feel that I will have helped her conquer what has been a lifetime of angst for me. Who knows - maybe in helping my daughter I will finally succeed in helping myself.

Weigh in is tomorrow. We'll see.

When Life Gets In the Way...

I wanted to go to the gym, but I had a flat tire. I sat at the tire store for nearly 2 hours - seems everyone needed tires today. My gym time was gone; I had to get my kid off the bus by 11:30. What will I do instead? I will walk the dog and do 50 sit-ups and 20 push-ups. I will walk to the library with my kids after school. I will stay out of the fridge.

I need to justify my WW membership. I need to see a loss this week. I won't let LIFE derail my efforts.

On the homefront my leaves are GONE. I raked them all up in 4 hours Monday. I have the sore muscles to prove it. There is a measure of satisfaction in removing that thorn from my side. It is SO nice to drive into the clean driveway and see the clean gardens and green grass. It was an awesome workout.

Weight Watchin'

I went. I weighed in at 186.4 - a pound up from my last home weight. The leader is WEIRD and the people there ranged from women like me; 40's, rejoiners, active, to the lonely folk, who seem to be there to get their dose of human contact. My goals are simple: get active +again+ and lose weight. There are 8 weeks left of 2008. I would like to end it on a good note and be thinner and in better health than I was when it started.

There is a 5K December 6th. I will register this week and as soon as triathlon registration opens, I'll sign up for my 2009 schedule. I told my husband that I wanted nothing for Christmas (we don't have any extra money this year so we want to keep it lean). My hope is that success will require me to get some new race stuff in the spring and that's what my reward will be for a job well done. I've got to get myself psyched up.

Today it is SUNNY and cold. The leaves begging to be raked. I hate them, but they will be gone and I will get my workout for the day... I am sure to be feeling it tomorrow.

Tomorrow Morning 7:00 a.m.

That is the WW meeting I plan to attend. I can head to the site and then make it to SPIN at the Y if I play things right. I'll make it home before the kids finish their breakfast. I am giving myself 8 weeks and then I will reassess. If I am on program, I stay - If I am not, I quit and go back to doing things on my own. My hope is that the weekly weigh ins will help me keep my focus. That is always the hope.

And now I am off to swim and work. The leaves are still all over... It's raining and supposed to be raining all weekend -- YUCK! Here's to better days.

Wishing the leaves would Rake themselves...

I love fall, but HATE raking leaves. We live in a tight neighborhood; we have a small yard and 6 massive maple trees that dump their leaves every year expecting me to pick them up. We have to bag them and take them to the dump or we can throw them over my neighbors fence or we can have the giant leaf sucking machine come and take them for a few hundred dollars. I don't have the money, so my options are limited. It is also suppose to rain the rest of the week and into the weekend. My DH is not a good helper. I am going to have to look at these leaves for the next few weeks and it makes me ANXIOUS.

My house is a disaster. My kids were off yesterday and I worked for a friend at the Y Monday, so I still have weekend crap, in addition to day off crap. Depressing; and I am procrastinating by writing this post. There is a WW meeting Thursday at the local senior center. I've been there before. The leader LOVES herself too much to be motivating. I don't want to clap for your 80 lbs every week. I don't want you telling me that I probably exercise too much, I am not eating enough or drinking my water. I know if I follow the diet I will see a loss; I know if I don't I will gain. It's not rocket science. Honestly, when people gain weight they know why... You can't be 100% on and see a gain --- or at least not as often as it seems to happen. I know the science of plateaus, but I also know that people get lazy. They start to "eyeball" their food instead of measuring a portion, they graze and forget... You know what I mean...

So - Will I go Thursday? (I guess that's tomorrow...) I'll see if I am feeling it... If I do, it will be with strong conviction and desire to SUCCEED. I am sick of doing things HALF-ASSED.... and I am really sick of being fat for the last 13 years... I am so much more than a big pair of jeans!

Off to the pool

I am still mulling the WW decision. I talked with my sister about it and she's happy to be my partner in crime if that is what I decide to do. I don't know why I feel any pressure about doing this; unless I am really taking it seriously this time.

I have a RACE picked and as soon as it opens, I will register!

Ashland Lions Metro-West Triathlon
Race Date: 6/14/2009
Location: Warren Conference Center529 Chestnut St.Ashland, MA
Distance:International DistanceSwim 1 Mile Bike 26 Miles Run 6.5 Miles

I like that it's early, since I tend to lose intensity in my training as the season goes on. I could be in PRIME shape if I take the next few months to slim down and then begin a real training program later in the winter. I know my body, and it hates losing weight and training at the same time. I could be getting excited about this. I could be ready to get started. FINALLY!

I've always wanted to want to do an Olympic Distance triathlon... The day has finally arrived.

Weight Watchers?

I am debating about whether I should go back (again, for the 1000th time) to Weight Watchers. I know I weigh less than I did the last time I left and so it could be easier to get in a losing groove since I am not all angry at myself for gaining back weight lost and having to re-join to get myself back to eating in control...

It has been a pattern of mine to become completely disgusted with myself and go back to WW. "Once and for all" I would follow the plan, lose the weight and earn the coveted "LIFETIME" membership. I have even dreamed of becoming a leader since I am so good about giving advice. Is the realilty of this situation that I will become more aware of what I put in my mouth; that I will become accountable to myself and that I will give the WW corporation hundreds of my dollars for the priviledge of using their scale?

I do crave the weigh ins - since I am obviously NOT very accountable to myself (notice how difficult it is for me to get on the scale regularly). Is it worth it? I don't know. I will give myself another week to mull it over and then make a decision. This is typically a tough time of year for me. The lack of sun makes me want to hibernate. Food is everywhere and not "good" food. I don't want apathy to take over. I don't need another New Year's Resolution!!

My weight this morning was 184.5. I was glad. That's a pound less than the last time I weighed in. If I can do a half pound a week for the rest of the year, I could be well into the 170's and at a weight I haven't seen in 15 years!!! I am guessing it will make an Olympic Distance Triathlon a lot easier to run... That is my 2009 Fitness Goal!

Peanut Butter Cups and an Owl

I am SO done with Halloween. I think between Friday and Saturday I had 4 Reeses, 2 twix, 2 butterfingers and a 100K bar; all snack size. I tried, but did not succeed in staying out of the kids' pumpkin buckets. All the good stuff is gone now, and thankfully I have no taste for garbage - like candy corn and nerds... I wish I had more control some days. I wish there was no Halloween.

I got the kids out of bed and ran/walked with my sisters for 6 miles (the kids watched TV with their cousins/uncle) It was not an easy jaunt considering that my legs still ached from muscle conditioning Wednesday night, but I sucked it up. It definately pays to work out with buddies --- no backing out. Along the way we had a very cool experience of a horned owl swooping out of a tree; catching an opposum and sitting on it staring at us b/c it was apparently too big to fly off with. The bird was the size of a cat and absolutely beautiful. I had never seen anything like it! I always wonder if such events are meant to be SIGNS and not just coincidence. I suppose I am weird like that...

My eating is back on track, I've not weighed myself and my DH is back from his trip. I can feel the tension creeping back and I have at least taken steps to get my whole family into some counseling. There is no sense living like this --- it's not good for anyone. Having a sick child puts a lot of stress on a family. I've not reached the point where things could go one of 2 ways. I want to try and get things back on track and deal with my feelings of resentment, which are running pretty deep these days. I don't want to hibernate and I don't want to use food to make me feel better or worse mask the hurt. Hopefully DH will come to the table with a little honesty and a desire to make some changes.