Two more days...

I hate to think that my life has morphed into a countdown; but it has. I have only school on my mind and great expectations for my new found time... I know I am overly ambitious, but if I can accomplish 50% I'll be happy. The list includes:

1. Getting back in good shape - diet and all
2. Organizing and cleaning the house
3. Painting the ceiling in the bathroom, the kitchen and office --- hiring out the rest...
4. re-caulking the bathtub, kitchen counters and upstairs windows.
5. Getting estimates for big jobs like an addition over the kitchen, repairing the upstairs bath, putting in a bulkhead
6. Getting a mamogram
7. Making a healthy nightly dinner

I am a list maker - they are all over the house, tucked in books, on the i-touch, or a program to one of the kids recitals... I am a master at creating, but not so good about crossing things off. I can spend an hour putting together a grocery list only to either forget it in the car or completely ignore it and just cruise the aisles... Can I change this? Can I really make the most of 6 hours or will I sit around watching Ellen and the View? Will I surf the net for hours reading about how people change their lives while I languish? I can only hope that my energy and attitude will cooperate and carry me through...

Four Days...

Can I get to the gym today since the weather is NOT cooperating? We'll see. Torrential downpours are in store for us today. I am psyched to be with my kids--inside--all-darn-day...

Suggestions are welcome.

Eight Days....

The countdown continues... It's as if I've put my life on hold until that magic day when I will finally have a day to myself! My kids are definately sick of each other. They know what buttons to push to ellicit a scream, they know how to get a rise out of me, that's for sure. They are bored and I don't blame them. I am bored.

Exercise has been non-existant. I am going to work out with my sisters Saturday morning. Bike and run? Anything will be better than what I have been doing which is NOTHING. WTF????? This morning I could have, should have gone to spin, but ... I will shoot for Thursday.Today's "exercise" is teaching swimming for 2 hours and that will be it. Tomorrow I am volunteering at the schools all day for open house and Friday I'll be chief chaperone at the amusement park.

Even with all the excuses, I can tell that my body is suffering from lack of exercise. I am quick to anger, sluggish and achey. I am anxious. I don't know how I fell out of the routine (except that I have my kids with me 24/7), I need to push myself to get back into it. I know I will be better for it!

Randomness...

1. I started the lawn mower all-by-myself! I know what an airfilter is and I know how to clean it.
2. I am just now starting to feel better. It's been a long sick week!!
3. I will exercise tomorrow.
4. I committed to Thursday mornings at the YMCA this fall for swimming lessons. I have some mixed feelings. I wish I could get more hours at the library and forget about the Y, but it's a nice skill to maintain and have during the summer months. What to do...
5. I still can't wait for the kids to go back to school.
6. I can tell I've been loafing in front of the computer for too many hours this week. Tendonitis is rearing it's ugly head again... I must stop it NOW!
7. I have so many plans and have so little money.
8. I really need a structured life plan... I am feeling very lost these days.

Sometimes I am such a girl...

I hate that I don't understand "boy stuff". I can't fix my own bike, I can't put together anything from IKEA, and much to my dismay... I know nothing about lawnmowers... I am MAD.

For the last 8 years we've had an electric-plug in style-lawn mower. It made sense when we bought it. We had a very small yard due to a large in-ground pool. After year three in the house, we decided that the expense of a pool wasn't worth it so we had the pool filled in and added a yard. We kept the electric mower, cursing the cord every step of the way. This year my sister downsized to a condo and gave us her gas powered mower. It started right away the first time and I loved how fast it was. I pulled it out yesterday, started it up and mowed 3/4 of the lawn. I stopped the mower to moved some of the kids toys, and when I went to start it again - nothing.

What's a girl to do? I primed the motor as instructed....oh, but that's for a cold engine, so fuel starts pumping all over the mower. My mom says "You just flooded it, let it sit a while and dry out..." Later, I tried to start it again, but all the gas was gone - empty. So I ask my DH to double check what kind of gas it takes. He lets me know that theres a container in the shed with gas for his motorcycle.... I put the gas in this morning and the stupid thing still won't start. HMMPH!

Frustrated is an understatement. How am I supposed to cross off "MOW LAWN" from the TO DO list if it's only 3/4 finished? I miss my corded mower. It always always started!!! I hate that I have to wait for my DH to have a free and willing moment to fix it or tell me to take it somewhere to get it fixed. Is it genetic that I don't have a mechanical bone in my body? If it's true, I do not like it. Maybe one day we'll have enough money to just pay someone to take care of the stupid yard!

What to do?

I've had a headache for 4 days and counting to the point of being nauseous. I thought it was the wine from Friday night and now I just think I've had the flu... or something. I go through the motions with my kids, but I really just want to lie down... I am functionally sick. Except that I did not go to spin class, I havent' exercised in days and it's really making matters a lot worse mood wise. Today I will drink water and hope it goes away. I need to get back to my old self!

Lost Weekend.

Friday night we had our first annual neighborhood block party.
I drank wine.
I felt sick.
I went to bed until 5:00 Saturday night.
UGH.
At least (according to DH) I didn't embarrass myself. I just disappeared.
I don't think I am going to drink wine anymore.
I did not like that my kids saw me sick all day.
Moving on.
I did not bike this morning. I am drinking ice water and coffee. After my 24 hour fast I got on the scale for the first time in 6 weeks. My weight was 181.5; which means I have been blindly maintaining for the better part of the summer (I had feared that I would see a nine instead of an eight...).
I feel a return to clean living is in order on all fronts with exercise a key component. Just not today... I am taking my kids to the beach. It will be 90. We will swim and play in the sand and forget about losing yesterday.

Can Sad Girls Lose Weight?

I had my last swim clinic of the season. DONE. It was tough to get up this morning- 5:00 a.m. is dark. It was even harder to get into the lake, but I did -weeds and all- and I swam a little, helped a few people, and served as buoy for sighting and drills. My back is still tweaked. I used the weightlessness of the water to stretch in all sorts of directions and when I got home I took a nice hot shower. I am supposed to ride this Sunday, so hopefully I'll be in a better state.

This week at Borders I saw a posting for a study on effective weight loss for people that suffer from depression... I called and I qualify. I'll get all of the particulars in a few weeks, but basically it's a 2 year study. Months 1-6 include weekly meetings, nutritional and fitness counseling; months 7-12 weekly phone calls from a coach, monthly visits for weight checks, months 13-26 include quarterly check-ins, followed by a final physical in week 26. I'll be paid a small stipend.... Yup, they'll pay me to lose weight?! I guess it's all in the name of science. I am very excited to get started.

My weight this summer has been a battle for maintenance. There has been no losing and even though I weigh less than I did a year ago, I am still fat. The proof is in the pictures. It doesn't matter how good I feel, 185 pounds is still bordering obese. My DH says that I exercise all the time and I shouldn't have to worry about how much I weigh... I say I am sick of being the fattest person in spin class, or doing a race, or being a lifeguard. People are not inspired by fat...Not that I am looking to inspire anyone... Actually I just want to be one of the crowd, I don't want to stand out at all... 30 pounds would do it for me, and it would probably help my back feel a whole lot better.

21 days and counting...

My kids are slowly killing me... I have great respect for anyone who had more than 2, except that the odds of at least liking one are increased with more... Is that what you're going for? It has to be too much together time. They know how to press each others buttons and the resulting whacks, tears and name-calling is enough to send me packing. I want to be a good mother - in fact, I actually want to be a great mother, but it is SO hard to maintain my composure and endless patience when all you want to do is SCREAM REAL LOUD!

I mean how am I supposed to manage the endless taunts of "She's looking at me?!" "Stop looking at me!" "She's copying me! Tell her to stop!!" "You're a DUMBO!" "No, You're a DUMBO!" and then there's "How come you NEVER let me have a sleepover?" "How come we can't go to Dairy Queen? You never let us do anything!" "Forget it ! I am NOT going to school if I can't have a new backpack!" "You never let us buy what we want!" And, let's not forget "Why do I have to clear the table?" "But that's not my drink box - Why do I have to pick it up?" "Picking up my room is BORING!" "Why do we always have to wait for you to do stupid laundry!" "I don't care if my drawers are messy!" "I don't want to go to Stop&Shop!" "Why do I have to walk the dog?" UGH!!

My DH has been working 12 hour days and exclaiming how rough it's been as he kicks off his work clothes in a heap mere steps from the hamper. He remarks how nice it must be to be at the lake with the kids all day... Yeah, delightful.

I've got to get it together...

Things accomplished:
Filled the dumpster / emptied our basement and attic... Ahhhh... such a great feeling...
Visited very pregnant friend.... we've neglected each other and it was so nice to reconnect

Left undone:
So much at the house (regular chores like laundry, the bathrooms ugh) are sorely needing attention.
Exercise - none in four days...
Diet - Days of eating whatever happens by... I am worried...

Today the kids have decided they want to go shopping instead of going to the beach. The summer is definately winding down... swimming has lost it's appeal! I am hoping to get to the Y today to do family swim and maybe I can do a few laps... I have a clinic this Friday to guard at and I need to do something to get ready....

My plan is to at least spin twice a week until the kids go back to school. It's too hard to try and coax them into going into childwatch without drama.... On Saturdays I will exercise with my sisters and that may be my minimum until I have more time to myself. As far as food goes, I need to journal and focus on fresh -- minimums until I get the kids in school and can get a schedule for myself.

Three weeks!

Twenty seven days...

I can't believe how fast the summer has gone by... 27 days til school starts.... I know I've said that I can't wait for school again, but there are plus' to not dealing with homework headaches, projects and not missing the bus.

I got up this morning and went spinning for the first time in 2 weeks. It was PAINFUL getting there -- I so wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. If it weren't for my husband's "I thought you wanted to spin this morning..." comment I would have. The mornings are dark again at 5:00 a.m. and that adds to the drag... However, I went and I am glad to have a workout under my belt as I attack the day. I stretched out my back and went at about 80%. Things still aren't right, so I will continue to take it slow.

As for the rest of my day, my daughter's ice skates are too small so we've got to get new ones before her lesson at 4:10. More money we don't have... I will not be too bent if she doesn't want to skate in the fall... The weather is back to unseasonably cool, so I don't expect too many problems about not going to the beach today, since we have tons of errands to do as well.

A dumpster is in the driveway til next Friday and I plan to fill it.This weekend presents a great opportunity. I am bagging the triathlon. Both my sisters are injured, and my back is still not 100%. The race director has offered to push our registration to the October Duathlon -- we should be ready by then. So I will empty my house and craigslist everything we have that we don't like or no longer use. It will feel SO good to start fresh and not be burried by clutter.

As for the diet - It is day 3 of journaling... I've not been dieting which isn't good, and I haven't been on the scale -- that isn't good... but I am doing something.... Let's see where we are in 27 days...

My back is back!

I ran this morning and felt OK... actually good! I just went to the YMCA figuring that I would run and if I felt bad I could try something else (elliptical, bike). It was good to stretch and honestly I felt no pain at all. I am psyched!

Next week Gloucester Sprint and I am done for the season. I'll guard at a few more races, but that's it. I need to focus on my WEIGHT. It is the thorn in my side... Try as I might I just can't get it together.... I lose a little, maintain a little and yes --- gain a little. After nearly 7 years post baby I am STILL FAT!

5 weeks until the kids go back to school, but I shouldn't have to wait til then to get it together... My goal for this week is to write it down. I even got a handy new notebook... I have 'lose it' on my i-touch, but I don't want any technical excuses for not doing what I set out to do... No excuses. PERIOD.