Only 3 more days....

Three more days until I sort of get my life back... or at least a better grip on it... SCHOOL starts. T H A N K G O D - really...

Bored, cranky, sick of one another... I need structure and a regular schedule just as much as the kids do. I have plans and lists and... I can't wait to put them into action. My leg is feeling much better. I think I can start running soon... I know I can start biking, if only I would just pull the bike out and do it. I know I could eat better... I need that groove that September brings.

Waking up is hard to do...

One more week of summer vacation and I am trying to get my kids to wake up earlier so it won't be so painful next Wednesday... much tougher than I thought. Of course I have my own personal *get up now* clock; where the punishment for sleeping in is NOT worth the extra 15 minutes...

A Major Case....

... the end of summer ... my leg still hurts.... my kids need to go back to school... my babysitter is sick of my kids ... the kids are sick of the babysitter.... I am sick of paying her.... work is managable except for the hours I have to get in... I am broke.... I've eaten like I've been starved for weeks... I am eating crap... I could ride my bike, but I haven't... I could go swim, but I don't.... I have a major case of the F-its!

What can I do? 2 weeks is a long time.... Ideas?

New Additions and Life Assessment

Miss Agnes has arrived, and she's cute as can be. If my kids don't kill her with *love* she will grow up to be a wonderful companion.

She cried all night and I slept maybe 2 hours... with my IPOD on to drown out the whining...

Hopefully tonight will be better. I have to get up at 330 am b/c my sister talked me into volunteering for PanMass...... you know, giving back... I have no idea what I was thinking...

I ate pancakes for breakfast; a Kashi meal for lunch and too many cookies with 2 glasses of milk... CARBs are killing me... As is typical for me I am putting off my life - the changes I want to make with regard to my house, diet, work, exercise until the kids go back to school. August is a void for me, but this is the last year it will happen. I am going to spend the $ and put the kids in camp. For my peace of mind, they need to be entertained and I honestly don't have it in me to do it all - work, house, kids... I have to take some things off my plate. Cleaning lady and daycare will no longer be an issue! Live and Learn.

Therapy Hurts...

PT is PAINFUL --- Deep tissue massage and all sorts of stretches = one sore leg! It really is amazing how quickly muscle tone is lost, but also how quickly it can come back. Last week I couldn't stand on tip toes - this morning I could do it for a minute! I walked to work and used the stairs for most of the day. Ice and Aleve will be my friends tonight.

Diet today is an egg white/turkey sausage flat bread form D&D
COFFEE
Nature Valley Granola bar
Crystal Lite
1 8" flour tortilla with 1/4 cup shredded cheese.
1 med Gala apple...

I totally need some veggies for dinner... I totally do not feel like cooking (or doing laundry, or picking up after my kids...) I know we'll go to the Mall, walk around in the A/C and make a healthy selection for dinner....

TOMORROW: Miss Agnes comes to live with us... My life will not be the same!!!

Is this any better....???

What I ate today....
Same cinnabon pancakes I had yesterday, I can't butter lite and jam
Skim milk
COFFEE and NO SNACK... I forgot my grapes:(
pepperidge farm fiber bread (40 cals x 2), turkey, cheese x 2 and mustard...
apple, grapes, 4 cherry tomatos
Subway - 6" turkey, cheese, veggies, oil/vinegar, wheat bread, baked lays... + a few of DD's vinegar chips
Diet coke
juice box - water....

Things I ate today...

Just for kicks...
3 Cinnabon pancakes, with I cant believe it's not butter -lite, 2 tsp of jam and 1 c skim
1 fiber one bar
COFFEE - Black, lots
Pepperidge Farm double fiber light bread (40 cal) x 2 with turkey, american cheese and mustard
Cheese x 5 slices through out the afternoon ....
1/3 Mystic Pizza (frozen variety)
5 smallish, swedish, Apple Oat Crisps with 1 c skim milk
Lots of Crystal lite Peach Iced Tea

Assessment - WHERE ARE THE VEGETABLES? Where are the fruits? Carbs.... TONS ...
Hmmmmmm.

Back to work...

Vacation over....

I am back to work and back on track with diet and (mild) exercise. I had to cancel PT this morning because of the no babysitter thing, but Wednesday I'll be back at it.

I think I did a little too much yesterday - impact is not a good thing right now. SO this morning it was Aleve and a committment to slow, deliberate steps and good form on the stairs (it is SO hard).

Of course I immediately ate frozen Cinnabon pancakes this morning... 3 with lite butter and a few teaspoons of jam. I washed it down with skim milk and black coffee. I have no idea why - other than the fact that I didn't feel like healthy yogurt... I just don't get it... The day is not over - I have an opportunity to redeem myself at lunch, dinner and with snack choicess. Maybe we'll go berry picking...

Puppy comes in 3 days! Ugh!! I am starting to get cold feet... It's been a lot less work and worry without a dog... but then it's been eeriely quiet and empty without a dog. I've never had a puppy before and the idea of it peeing everywhere and chewing everything is a bit overwhelming... My kids are excited... We're still getting a dog.

Feeling FAT...

Healing ... S L O W L Y.....

We just returned from vacation yesterday. It was a decent week. I can't say that it was the best time ever, but I did read 2 good books, it was fun to watch my nephews play with my girls, and the weather could not have been better.

My leg is tired, but it is feeling stronger. Impact is a different story. I have PT tomorrow a.m. (if I can get my mom to watch the kids) and I am hoping to be able to really walk and / or ride my bike this week. I am volunteering for PanMass this weekend at a water stop and have lined up events for the next three weeks so I have to be BETTER and geared up to be BUSY...

The lack of exercise has made me feel yucky.... fat and irritable. I hope to continue my commitment to healthy eating for the rest of the summer and into fall. I need to lose what I've gained over the last 5 weeks and hopefully move into new territory. It will be easier when the kids go back to school... I am honestly counting the days...

I've got some major things to do this fall for ME... My marriage needs a MAJOR overhaul, my body needs a good diet/exercise program and we'll have a new puppy this Thursday... Work will become more routine and if I can get a hold of my finances; I will hire a cleaning lady so that I don't have to spend all of my time outside of work doing household chores..... I need to stop being a martyr. I need to get MY HEAD together. Counseling individually and for my marriage is a MUST. I can't put it off any longer. I am angry all of the time and it's not good for my kids to see (or have to bare the effects of...). I need to be OK saying NO. I need to ask for help. I need to speak up and stop holding it all in.... but I need to do it in such a way that it is constructive for everyone. I want things to be better....