Fall Challenge!

I've officially started the fall weight loss challenge. I am officially 187.5 and that makes me FAT. I've got 13 weeks to lose 10 lbs. That's it - That's the challenge. We weigh in 1 x week at my sister's house and she collects 10$. At the end of 13 weeks, if we've lost 10 lbs - we keep the money to spend on whatever we choose (as long as it's something personal like a massage or a mani/pedi or a yoga class). If we don't make the 10lbs, the money goes to charity. It's that easy!

We decided it's better than giving our money to WW and we're fully accountable to each other.

SO - I am following no real plan yet - other than walking with the dog daily and not eating so much... Tomorrow I start FITDAY and we'll see if the motivation kicks in...

Not that again...

Everyone is talking about it... that ugly seasonal affective disorder (SAD), otherwise known as winter depression, hibernation, ... I have been a victum for many many years. Yesterday I wanted to cry all day. I know I have a lot on my plate to cause me stress, but I have got to find another way to manage. I can't spend another winter in a funk.

My leg is h e a l i n g s l o w l y... annoying, BUT there are things I can do, like walk for one thing... I know I will feel better. There is also vitamin D and the sun lamp... I will leave no stone unturned... Only 6 more months until Spring...

Quest for Fairness

I am attempting to get an IEP for my daughter AGAIN. I am not going it alone. I will hire an advocate. I will not be blindsided...

Received her state test scores for 4th grade and she's fallen into the "NEEDS IMPROVEMENT" category. This after a year of me paying for a tutor and begging for at least a math class with an aide... Her first test this year was 64. By the end of the first week of school I requested a meeting with the teacher. Her first reply was "It's a short week; I'll be in touch... " I waited and politely requested we find time to meet. Her response "I don't like to do conferences until I can get to know the student a little better... but here's my number if you really think it's necessary." YES, I THINK IT's IMPORTANT I will call you Monday..." Hard for me to keep from driving down there and screaming bloody murder...

I know I have to keep a cool, productive, advocate face on - and leave the broken hearted mom face at home.... I feel like I have to kiss some serious ASS if I am to get anywhere in this town.

The BEST feeling in the world....

is walking into your house and smelling CLEAN. It is noticing that your baseboards really are white, as are the alternating squares on your kitchen floor.... Since I broke my leg in June, my house has gone to shit. I would pick up, do the laundry, sweep and swiffer, but that's about it. I haven't cleaned my house in ages and I was overwhelmed by the prospect. Seriously, if you are going to deep clean a room, it could take 8 hours... Move the furniture, vacuum under the cushions of the couch (yuck), wipe down walls, dust... Working 28 hours a week now, I just can't find the time. Besides, when I took the job I told my DH that he'd have to chip in... It's been 7 months and I don't think he's altered his life on iota.

SO - I hired a cleanning team to come every other week and they started today. I was a little nervous about leaving my house (and puppy) to complete strangers, who asked for cash and were driving a van with long expired tags... I thought to myself as I drove off to work that my DH would kill me - to be robbed blind in broad daylight... But they were AWESOME!!! When I came home 3 hours later to walk the dog, they were still here AND they were cleaning my microwave!!!
5 hours later, now home for the day - I feel positively GIDDY.... The fridge is really white... I still want a new one, but it's CLEAN. The showers are shining... They made the beds for the girls and set up their stuffed animals.... All of our important stuff is just how we left it. I pray that it can stay like this until they come again....

It is the BEST money that I've spent in ages. My DH can deal. I am NOT giving this up!!!

My daughter has a mood disorder. I love her, but it is a struggle nearly every day. She can be rude, demanding, mean, aggressive. Homework is impossible; showers and nightly rituals can end in screaming fits or broken toys. Counter to everything you might read in the parenting magazines - for a kid with bipolar, confrontation or correction is akin to poking a hornets nest with a really short stick. You just don't do it.

She's being treated, she sees a therapist and she is beginning to recognize how this illness works with her and that it affects our whole family. Of course she's only 10 so we are no where near where we want to be in terms of creating coping mechanisms to take her through life...

So I've spent the last week trying to gather strenth and amunition to talk to her new teacher and hopefully work out a way to get my kid through the 5th grade. Since she's smart and not failing, she doesn't qualify for an IEP, and I am just now looking into a 504. I can't tell you how blindsided I was by the whole SPED bureaucracy, and the hostile enviroment the school puts up. I am barely to the point in my acceptance of this illness that I can make it through a discussion without crying. I don't want to cry.

I wanted her to be OK this year, but clearly she is not - I am not willing to 'wait and see' this year.

Why here? I guess I am writing about this here because it affects me deeply and could be part of the reason for my stress and my need to eat. It's why I can't get to the gym or go out at night to a yoga class. It can be very isolating. I guard the secret because of the stigma. I don't want my kid to be teased or labeled or shunned. I hate it; and I've said many times that I wish it were cancer - at least then you can talk about it; people want to help you. With bipolar, people want to either question the diagnosis or quietly retreat; never to be heard from again. SAD. So I'll work through the stress, try and keep my composure and be healthy.

I know I have to take care of ME to take care of everyone else. Thank goodness for Miss Agnes! Love my dog!!

Getting Stronger...

My trainer told me to STOP running... until I get my strength back. "An uneven gait can only create more problems.... conditioning, strengthening exercises should be your focus... " That it what I will do... get stronger.

On the scale front - my sister and I do not want to go back to Weight Watchers SO we're going to try our own version with our other sister as weigh in monitor... We haven't worked out all the details yet, but I am at least using LOSE IT again on my itouch and trying to keep track of what I am eating. I suppose the best thing I could do is to get on the scale... I am afraid of what it will say (as if not knowing makes it not exist in reality)

The kids are back in school (sort of... today is a day off for Roshashana) and I am slowly starting to reclaim my life. I called a cleaning lady - much to my DH's dismay --- and even if she only comes occasionally, I'll be markedly happier! My friend assured me today that it was a good decision even if I feel like we don't have the money... We'll see how it goes.

Baby Steps...

I rode my bike yesterday... 15 miles and man am I out of shape... I was very psyched to get out there and more excited to have it behind me. I haven't been making time for myself and I hope that it is just the first of many workouts to come.

We've got another few weeks of atypical schedules, Labor Day, the Jewish Holidays and then SanFrancisco for a long weekend. I am starting to realize that NORMAL could just be "atypical"- the way it is right now- and I've got to learn to deal with it. I can't blame what I put in my mouth on my kids or my job or my crazy dog. I am responsible and it's my choice what I eat, if I exercise and what the scale says. I am thankful for SCHOOL - the pressures of the summer - making sure my kids were entertained and taken care of was a lot for me to deal with, as was the expense. Going into fall, I have more time for me. Now I just have to make the most of it.