Recommitted...

I did NOT go to my regular WW meeting. I decided to weigh in at home and get through the rest of this dreadful week. As expected, I posted a gain. On my scale it said 182.5 --- however, my scale is always 2 pounds more than the WW one, so I entered my weight on E-Tools as 180.5 - GAIN and FULL DISCLOSURE. I recommit right now!

My stress is HIGH. I am worried about my daughter, she's sore and feeding off my mood... We need a break from each other, but I don't know how OK I am with her out of my reach.... She's supposed to go with my brother this weekend... They are headed North... where they're expected to get a snow storm.... I am so worried that she will slip and fall or be cold or be tired and miserable and want to come home. Waah.... She really wants to go.....

And then there's daughter number 2. Yes, I know you don't have a broken leg. No, that doesn't mean that we can still go to the Trampoline Gym... She just doesn't see how that would feel to her sister... I know you are disappointed and I know you are BORED and it's NOT FAIR... Trust me, a broken anything is not how one would want to spend Winter Vacation...

One more week until March. I know this is New England and we will most likely have snow into April. However, March brings me much joy with Daylight Savings restored, the actual start of Spring, and best of all - a whole month of school with no holidays or vacations. I have a bunch of things I can't wait to do and running outside is one of them. I am sick of being a slug and really need to kick start this weight loss effort... Recommitted.

It's just NOT my week...

I'm pretty sure I will show a gain tomorrow. I just finished logging all of my food into the WW e-tools website and I am at negative 17 points for the week... Much has to do with the cupcakes I made with my youngest, complete with butter/creamed cheese frosting... My stomach is killing me... Stupid.... stress related... stuff your face because you think you should... b/c you have a right... (to be fat???) It's been a bad week....

My oldest had a sledding incident this weekend. I saw the crash out of the corner of my eye while drinking coffee in my sister's kitchen. My brother is a paramedic and first out the door. I waited inside... I had a sort of "I don't want to know" kind of feeling... She came in, not crying, but hurt. She tends to be a bit of drama queen and the lack of tears should have been a sign that she was not right. Alas, there was no real swelling (yet) but we put on the ice and let her sit as we continued with our family visit... Consensus was it would be bruised or sprained, but not a big deal. As we left 2 hours later, walking was out of the question. By the time we got home I decided it would be best to know one way or another --- we were off to the ER.

4 broken metatarsals.... one of them dislocated... "She'll probably need surgery." remarked the ER doc.... Luckily we were able to get in with an ortho - doc today... For now no surgery, but cast and ice, elevation and no weight on it. What a great winter vacation!!!

Of course I feel guilty (I am a mother). I am worried about how she will heal, if she will be OK. I am worried about her mental state - no sports or activity really for 6 weeks. I worry about school and how she will get around on crutches... Her poor armpits are already sore....

So what does all this mean for my diet? Honestly I was fine until the cupcakes.... It was a momentary lapse of reason, a stupid kind of warped sense of entitlement that defies all logic. My goals are clear - to lose weight, be healthy and strong... I want to get to the gym and to do that I need to see 170... Going backwards will not help at all... I recommit NOW. This is it!

Carb Fest...

I don't know what's up with me the last few days - Bread..... Yesterday 3, yes 3, sour dough rolls... I bought them and I have no good idea why except they were fresh and I could smell their yeasty goodness. They were delicious. I couldn't stop myself and by the time I did, I decided that it was dinner-- ugh... Tonight it was the attack of the PBJ - not one, but 2 sandwiches. It was on Weight Watchers bread so that makes it OK ... WHAT THE HECK AM I TELLING MYSELF? This is not who I want to be or how I want to be around food. I have so much I want to do (diet and fitness wise) and there are moments when I feel myself going forward, enjoying some initial successes only to stop... I am static once again. Why am I self- sabotaging ??

My life is not going to calm down, my life is not going to be

Weekly Weigh In...

Quick report before my haircut - Weight this morning at my meeting was 177.8, a loss of .6 lb. I am SO psyched that I could lose this week - after last week's success. I haven't been in the 170s for YEARS... like 16 of them. It feels GREAT.

Also, I ran last night. It wasn't far, but it was outside and it felt OK... I am going to try and keep it going... My new reward will be a gym membership when I hit my 10% - I've got 7.7 pounds to go...

Being Honest!

100% Full Disclosure - Going back through my posts, I wasn't accurate with my addition. Mistake was I couldn't recall my starting weight. The morning I officially began, my scale said 189.9; but at WW it was 189.0 Whatever... Today at WW I showed a 3.6 loss (I didn't weigh in last week due to the snow). It brought my official weight to 178.4, for a total of 10.6 down!! This new weight surpassed my 5% goal AND more importantly helped me to crack into the 170s - the lowest weight I have seen in over 15 years! I could not be happier; and more motivated to keep this up! Next goal 170 (aka 10%)!!

What has worked - JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL... I have been faithful every day to write down and log into etools everything I put in my mouth. I have kept within my points for all but 1 week. I have been a good shopper - buying only what I know is good for me, and consequently my family. Noone in my house NEEDS chips or cookies or icecream! I have been eating a lot more fruit and other complex carbs. I have an EggBeater creation every morning.

What I need to work on - EXERCISE. I finally went to yoga, liked it and haven't been able to get myself back (maybe Saturday?). I need to do some cardio and weights. I walk every morning with my dog, but that's not going to get me into shape for triathlon season. Yes, the winter is a drag. Good thing it won't last forever! What I need to do is RUN - sidewalks will definatley help.

I hope that I will be able to sustain this MOJO... I feel really proud of myself for 6 great weeks!!

Giving Thanks!!

So - I got home from work at 12:30 to do LAUNDRY a mile high. It became overwhelming b/c I went to a basketball game with my sister for fun Sunday, and the maid never showed up to finish it.... Damn her!! As I pulled in the drive I noticed something strange... I could actually get out of my car without hitting the snow bank beside me. In fact, a passenger could even get out... While I was at work someone (?) plowed my driveway !!! I asked my neighbor, she didn't notice (?) All I can say is:

THANK YOU RANDOM PLOW GUY!!!

So now I will pay it forward. When the opportunity presents itself I will do something nice just because...

Why I didn't get to WW this week...

More snow... on a Wednesday... yup.

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School was cancelled, WW cancelled and I shoveled. It was heavy; thick like cement and exhausting. I am SO done with winter. I know I am not alone...

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It is SO hard to be motivated to go anywhere - do anything. I can't stand being cold, trudging through slush and ice and yuck. I hate having to wear 27 layers, heavy socks and boots. Mud and sand and ... FUNK.

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That said, I am still following the program, still logging my food. I make myself do it regardless of what I've put in my mouth. I honestly don't think that I lost any weight this week, but I've decided that I would only weigh in at WW for now (my scale makes me crazy), and that won't be until Wednesday (convenient huh?) Perhaps I will get my mojo back and start working just a little bit harder. Watching the Biggest Loser has made me realize that adding real exercise will lead to better, more dramatic results. Yes, not having feet of snow on the ground would help, but sitting around waiting for that to happen gets me nowhere...

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And so I commit to doing 3 sessions of either cardio or yoga in the coming week so that maybe, just maybe I'll reach GOAL #1 - 179 and 5% gone!!!