The Good, The Bad and the Whatever...

The Good - My daughter received a partial scholarship to camp - $225! I had no idea it would be that much, but I am glad I made her write the essay and that I went out of my way to get it in the mail on time...

The Bad - my apathy... I have so much to do, very little time and I feel it slipping away as I sit on my ass not knowing where to start.

The Whatever - is my weight -177.5 ... Do I care? I do, but it's the 'how much' that I am concerned about. I've run this week, made it to WW and journal sporatically, but I am really just not feeling the drive to do well and really push it. I am frustrated and mad at myself for feeling the way I do, but I don't know how to fix it.

BLAH.

I am going away this weekend for my annual girls weekend. We are not going far - but away is good enough for me. I have nothing packed yet, but again - I really don't care... Maybe my attitude will improve with a few days off. We'll just have to see about that!

Let me catch you up...

I am exactly where I was two weeks ago... 178. UGH...

I am frustrated, disappointed and just plain annoyed. I can't say that I am TRYING. I can't say that I've logged all of my food or that I've exercised at high intensity or with any regularity. The problem is not that I eat candy or chips - or that I binge. The problem is honestly that I eat too damn much.

Where a half of a cup is enough rice for most - I'll have 3/4. Where a half a banana on a bowl of oatmeal is filling - I need a whole one, and a cup of blueberries... A WW meal should be fine for lunch, but I'll have that and a yogurt or a salad with some croutons and cheese... It should be easy to eat my 26 points and be done, but it's not... If I write things down at the end of a "good day" I find that "good" is 34+; and you don't want to know about the bad. So what's a girl to do?

For starters, I am not giving up. I will continue to be a WW until I get to goal. Waste of money? Probably - but when I get sick of giving it away, maybe I'll figure out what I need to do to lose the weight, get LIFETIME membership (another big goal of mine) and stop shelling out the cash. It's not the looming "GIRL'S WEEKEND", it's not the BIGGEST LOSER competition at work. It's not the half marathon coming up in June and it's not the weight of my family issues either. It's hard work to lose weight and it's not going to just happen without effort and sacrifice. The one thing I know is that I am not giving up. Life is going to happen whether I am thin or not...

I will be 46 in a little more than a month. Last year's goal was 175... This year's goal has to be anything in the 160's. It is more than possible, and I don't know what if anything is holding me back?! Let see where I am this Wednesday and go from there. I am excited that Spring is coming early and I am optimistic that better days are ahead. I know what is possible.

What will it take to get to 10%?

"And you are down .4 ! Great!" REALLY?! .4 GREAT?!

Frustrated with my attitude and the lack of any real progress. Of course it's better than gaining, but what will it take to make that push... to have ONE great week!

I don't know what it is, but I just can't keep within my points. I do great and then it's the afternoon, my kids are home and demanding and I just fall apart--- snack my way through the afternoon, put too much dinner on my plate and can't get through the night without something sweet...

I can't expect anything unless I change and I can't figure out -- aside from the fact that it is hard work and sacrifice - what I need to do to affect that. I will just keep doing something? Trying harder?

On a bright note - I ran 2 miles yesterday morning in 21:02 ... an average of 10:36!

That is awesome for me and I am psyched to get faster this year. We officially start half marathon training this Saturday and our race is June 3!