Monday, April 15, 2019

Still Here and Still the Same...

Here I am. Still here. 188 pounds - not where I want to be. Running, not running... not much consistency and not much by way of motivation.

I'm trying to figure out what my plan is.

This has been a weird time for me. My oldest is calling less which is good.She is independent and much more confident. I'm SO thrilled for her; she has really put in the work with therapy, self care, and a positive vision for her future. She is thriving.

The younger one is typical teen. She's working hard in school... sometimes. She is running track and pushing herself to be her best.... sometimes. She is driven, has an idea of what she wants to do; and where she wants to go to school... sometimes.

She failed her driving test this weekend - a hard blow to someone used to A's. Lots of tears. And failure is good sometimes. It build resiliency. It helps teens grow - to manage their feelings, know it's temporary, know they can overcome. And for MOM, it's SO HARD. You hate seeing the hurt; you want to fix it.

The DH is slowly coming out of the fog of depression... He had a little bit of a wake up call with his doctor that has compelled him to reassess his drinking and his diet. He's dropped 15 pounds in the last two weeks; though has a lot more to go so I hope he will stick with it. I am helping as I can; though I am done trying to FIX him.

I have so much to fix in me.


MaryFran said...

I hate when I am in that state of ‘kinda there...kinda not!’ Hopefully you (and I) can get our consistency and motivation back in check!!!

*Sweat and Sparkle* said...

I relate a lot to parts of this post! I have slacked off so bad with my running. It's probably been about 2 months since I was consistent. I ran on the treadmill at the gym the other night, and it felt awful. I have knocked myself back to square one. I feel discouraged and disgusted, but the only thing I can do is go back to that treadmill tonight.

Enz said...

Checking on you!