Control...

I don't know what it is about food. I am SO in control from the time I get up until about 5 p.m. and then -- poof! It's all over. I can't not even fathom the number of calories I have consumed over the past 3 evenings... And more importantly --- WHY? I have got to pull out a loss by Thursday... UGH!

On the flip side, I have been working out so well these last few days. Running really strong on the treadmill -- a personal best today for 3 miles (32.40 - which included a 5 minute warm up walk!) I wanted to see how fast I could go, and honestly this was pushing it... I was almost to that point of wanting to puke! I guess my thing is not to be the fat girl. I don't want to be the one that everyone is waiting for at the end of a practice. I want to just fit in. Back of the pack, athena girl is fine -- just don't make me a spectacle.

I got an e-mail from my aunt yesterday and it has really bothered me. My dad's side of the family is not very close. I see my father about 3 times a year and he lives about 40 miles away. I see my aunts, grandmother about 2x a year and that's usually for xmas eve and funerals.
My aunt Connie is a lovely lady and my fathers older half sister. Family dynamics aside, I never saw much of her growing up. She was from my grandmother's first marriage and grew up with her paternal grandmother. She kept in touch with my dad very rarely, but I always noticed pictures of her kids around my grandmothers house and wondered who they were... Connie had 8 children. Anyway, the point of this is that I sent out my Team in Training letters and included Connie even though I haven't seen or talked to her in a year. She e-mailed me back to thank me for including her. She was honored to give to the team as she and the rest of her family had gotten so much from the Leukemia Society during her grandson's illness. Timmy died in September - he was 25. I knew that someone had cancer, but didn't know it was leukemia and didn't know that he had died. Part of me just felt awful for being so distant and not knowing. Part of me felt more committed to the race and the charity part of it. It has been on my mind all day... wow.