Thursday, July 12, 2018

Big Kitty Still Missing!

My girls are going to be sad. Big Kitty is still missing! I've posted flyers, flooded social media, called Animal Control and the local shelters. I live downtown so the likelihood of coyotes or fisher cats is small... I miss this guy!

I told my kids that he's been on an adventure - our other "little kitty" was gone for a month last fall; stuck in the neighbors basement... I know not to give up hope, but I need answers - even if the worst has happened! It really is the not knowing.

In other news, the dog is better - back to her happy self. I've taken her on 2 long walks this week around the lake so she's well exercised and has played with "friends" at dog beach. It takes the guilt away from working 8+ hours/day now.

I'm going to weigh in tomorrow and I've been on a roll this week with food choices and an actual plan so I hope it shows. I am exactly one week away from my official doctor's office weigh in where I'd be happy with any number in the 170's - though I've been as high as 185 this last month.... I'm hiking with the sister's again on July 23, so I have to step up my game with HILLS training after work - or the dreaded stair climber at the gym. I want to enjoy my day without struggling like I did last year... and the year before that....

Wednesday, July 04, 2018

Happy 4th!

The girls have been gone for almost 2 weeks. I miss them... AND I'm busy so it's not the way it was when they were younger. I went to my friends house last weekend. It was FUN and filled me up. All my "Girls Weekend" friends, plus a few husbands. The highlight was a day at the beach - one only accessible by boat with just a few people and a bunch of seals. You can see how desolate. We spent the whole day, had a picnic, walked the shore, and a few of us (not me) swam. The temps were low 80's (unlike the 90s at home) and just a light breeze. I did not burn. Great Day!

Unfortunately I came home to a sick dog. After 2 full days of vomiting and diarrhea with no response to all of my home remedies we were off to the vet for tests, fluids and meds.. Hemorrhagic gastroenteritis is the diagnosis
and the treatment is soft, bland, food (baby food, boiled chicken and rice) until she's back to normal. She was so spent after the vet that she did nothing but sleep on the kitchen floor. I honestly worried that she was dead she was so still. The next day she wanted to go for her walk, drank a bit of water and ate a small jar of baby food. She was definitely not well, but seemed a little better. This morning she went for a walk, ate chicken and rice and sat outside with us for morning coffee- still not "normal", but acting more herself. I love my dog...

And I love my cat too - who is no where to be found this morning, and this is totally out of his character... My pets will be the death of me!!!

We're heading to my sister's on the lake for a BBQ. It will be weird without the girls, but also nice to not have to pack towels, sunscreen, clothes for the family. I'm bringing a chopped salad and the menu is grilled salmon. We are all about the healthy options these days. I've been pretty decent with my food. Only exception is snacking on air popped corn with a tablespoon of melted whipped butter. I think the biggest issue is being bored at night and watching too much tv. I haven't been in a mood to read for a few months. I'm going to +try+ to find a beach book to get me back in the habit. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Some shots... April - June 2018

 This is from the Girls Weekend photo shoot. It was April 1, two days before my "official" start. The pictures below were taken June 1, and I was about 18 pounds down. I wanted to get these up to motivate me to get on the stick. I haven't really lost any more than 3-4 pounds since. I attribute a lack of motivation to all the stressors of the teen graduating, attending college orientation, the little one's angst over finals. Last week was the final push - packing for camp. The teen is off til mid August and the little one comes home July 21. I already recounted the joys of getting them to camp and now I'm into my last week of part time work. Next week - 40 hours... It's going to be an adjustment; and a schedule which I think is a good thing.

I've gotten back to MFP and this time I hope it sticks. It's just me and the DH so I can plan meals better and won't get roped into eating out or stopping for coffee every day. My goal is 175 on July 19th - my next appointment with the endocrinologist.

I'm also going back to the gym. I need some regular exercise that is intentional at least 2x week and I have my girls run Saturdays.

I need to stick to the plan, take my meds every day and if I can do as well as I did in April I'll meet my goal.

And if I meet my goal... I set a new one!

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Into Another Week...

The weekend was good to regroup and last night was the last of the dreaded commitments - things I got roped into that do not bring me joy...

I know I'm feeling some stress as the girls are both going to camp this weekend. Of course one goes Saturday and the other can't be checked in til Sunday. Originally we dreamed of a girls' trip up with an overnight Saturday- Sunday, but the DH decided it sounded fun and wants to come - girls eye roll and that's squashed... I know it sounds bad, but the Dad is notorious for making executive decisions about when we stop, where we eat and when we can leave.... think passive aggressive. He's not very sensitive when it comes to the girls (especially in their teens) and has a habit of saying the exact wrong thing at the worst time; making jokes about religion or drugs, or sex (at a Lutheran Camp) or making comments about clothing choices..... He is NOT a good listener so no matter how many times we've discussed the girls' summer, logistics, friends, money --- anything ---- it feels as if these talks were with someone else. The girls love him, don't want him to feel bad, but we girls are on the same page, and no one wants to be embarrassed or humiliated.

Sad, but he's got history.

PLAN B will probably mean two trips for me and 12 hours in a car... because... Saturday a girls only trip up; drop off the oldest, let the little one bring a friend... Sunday DH will ride to bring the little one and I will deal...

Weekend will be over and my last week as a part-timer will begin... without kids.... I'm food shopping for me - planned meals, healthy options and trying to encourage the DH to eat well and lay off the beer. I'm going to the gym, walking the dog, and keeping the house status quo...

My food hasn't been bad this week, but I'm finding it hard to stay focused on planning, logging food and getting all my steps consistently. I'll keep trying and get my butt on the scale. Diligence and Accountability.

Friday, June 15, 2018

I have got to go to bed...

I'm running in the morning so I need to go to bed. My week(s) have been crazy busy, though I think we're only days away from an actual schedule again. The kids will be at camp and I'll be working a regular full time schedule (for the first time in 17 years!). I actually do better with structure, and I hope my food will be easier to manage and exercise will be scheduled. After all the graduation parties and company and crazy of the last month I'm happy to be able to FOCUS on ME and getting back to losing weight. I had my Dr. appointment yesterday and my weight was 183. I didn't lose 5 pounds - just 3.5 and I'm not complaining because I worried about gaining.

And my thyroid is still not where I hoped it would be - though I'm down a bit to 4.2 . I need to get under 4 - and we left medication and dosage the same... for one more month. We'll see if decreased stress and ... FIVE pounds gone will put me where I want to be... The magic number is 178. I know I can do it.

I have to go to bed. I'm so happy it's FRIDAY and other than running tomorrow morning. I have ZERO commitments and the weather will be GREAT. Thinking about paddleboarding at the lake.

Tuesday, June 05, 2018


And the teen graduated.

For anyone who has read my blog - and there aren't many that I know - you are aware of the difficult times we've had especially with the teen. Mental illness isn't pretty. There were some years when I wondered if she'd even finish high school and here we are. With the help of an awesome therapist, supportive, knowledgeable psychiatrist, and a school team that went above and beyond to make sure my teen got the necessary supports. She was finally able to show us who she is. Smart, thoughtful, curious, wanting more for herself and appreciating all of the people who helped.

A teary speech to her favorite teacher who is retiring this year, recognition for her acting, for her growth, and a scholarship from the local women's club ?! We were really proud of her. So in spite of my efforts to send her on a trip - she's opted for a graduation party this Saturday. IT WILL BE GREAT... I hope.

I'm stressed beyond limits... and not. What will be, will be... If there's not enough food we'll order pizza.... The people we care for are coming.... We'll be happy to celebrate... These are the things I've been saying to myself. 

We have DH's sister's family coming (husband and 4 girls), and my father in law (escaping from my mother in law who is home bound and just plain difficult) DH is really glad - and I'm just praying that nothing happens to keep them from making the trip. Many in my family and neighborhood will be here and then friends... who and how many is a complete mystery and why I have no idea how much food we'll need.

I'm stressed beyond limits... and not. What will be, will be... If there's not enough food we'll order pizza.... The people we care for are coming.... We'll be happy to celebrate... These are the things I've been saying to myself. 

Working to eat well and get my steps in. I know this is important to my PLAN and it will help my mood...Three different people have noticed that I've lost weight. I still make light, deflect and shy away from the compliments. I have to work on this. I have to be comfortable in my skin and proud of the work it takes to lose and MAINTAIN... I really want to lose at least the 5 lbs the Dr. suggested. I really want to be in the 170's when I go back on the 17th.

Saturday, June 02, 2018

So yeah... I finally got on the scale

This morning before my run I stepped on the scale and was happy to see 185.2 . I had no expectations and actually thought I had gained with all the "off plan" choices I've made since May 17. This was my first time on the scale since that day.

This week I was diligent - following the plan, logging my food, and getting my steps in. I am stressed with the amount of work I have at my job and also with the activities around graduation. I want to enjoy and it's hard because I'm always thinking about what's next.

I almost didn't run this morning, but I'm so glad I did. After last weeks decent run, I wondered how I would feel - last week it was 55 degrees; and this morning it was 80 and 70% humidity. I ran 2 miles straight; then walked and ran for the last 3 miles. Considering how gross I was - a red sweaty mess - I did fine.