Monday, November 20, 2017

It's going to be an interesting week...

A LOT of balls in the air!  That's how I think of this week.... or actually these next 3 days.... I'm in charge of a retirement breakfast tomorrow morning, and parties are really NOT my thing. I also have a dentist appointment this afternoon... actually 2 to repair/replace a filling; and finally I have class tonight and homework undone... meh. I have to shop for Thanksgiving - prep veggies and make apple pies to take to my sister's house.

My cat disappeared Saturday night. I think she was eaten. She never goes far from the house. I'm not giving up all hope yet, but it's been so cold these last few nights... sad.

I'm trying to keep it all together. I went to restorative yoga last night. I have to figure out a way to keep this up; the expense is justified. Self care can not be negotiable.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate winter....?




Friday, November 17, 2017

Weight Watchers... The dreaded plate.....

It' s that time of year when the leader hands out the paper plate (this year it was a fancy colored print out of a table setting). WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE TO EAT ON THANKSGIVING!?

I really hate this. It's one f-ing day people; it's one stupid meal. It's a celebration with food. PERIOD. Should this one day matter in the big scheme of things? I say NO... AND... If you're going into the day with the idea that you'll eat like any other... when you're hungry, eating good real food, not eating for eating sake... then FINE. If you are in full on BINGE; not so fine; but that's on you, and not on the day... Right?

There are certain things I enjoy on Thanksgiving that I eat at no other time of the year. Stuffing, homemade cranberry sauce, gravy, pie. I'll be having those things next Thursday and then I won't eat them again until next year.

I'll eat what I like, and I'll also have wine and other drinks. I don't care about WW points or macros on this day.

SO, back to WW. This week's meeting was a little cringe-y . Yes, I like to be accountable. I went from 191 to 189.4  (a 1.6 lb loss and 4.6 to go to get back to where I was). I intend to lose again this next week; and the week after that...

I'm having some (silent) issues right now with a loved one. I wrote a long ranting post that I'll keep in the draft file, but suffice to say, I need something that's all mine, and right now its WW. It's MY secret and I want so much to be successful - not to brag or gloat or anything. Just to feel better. It's not necessarily a number I'm looking for; but that feeling of being OK in my skin; when my clothes fit; when I look for clothes I like versus what fits or hides the muffin... AND it's all in my head.

The holiday season is not my favorite time of year. I'm trying to remain connected, going to yoga at least once a week and getting outside for some vitamin D. I'll make it and hopefully be better on the other side.

Monday, November 13, 2017

The Easiest, Yummiest Butternut Squash Soup

This is a combination of many different recipes morphed into my own special soup.

The ingredients:

1 butternut squash peeled, cut into cubes (the grocery store does a great job with this!)
1 small onion diced
2 stalks celery diced (the grocery store also does a great job with this!)
1 medium peeled potato - the starchier type
1 medium apple - a sweeter variety- peeled, cut up
32 ounces chicken stock or chicken broth
olive oil

1 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon sage
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/2  teaspoon ground black pepper
2 bay leaves

Saute onions and celery in olive oil until soft in the bottom of a soup pan. Add the stock, squash, potato, apple and all spices. Simmer on 3-4 until potato is soft (it seems to take the longest to cook)
Cover and let sit on low for as long as you need. Remove the bay leaves and puree with an emulsion blender.

That's it. SO GOOD. If I'm serving to impress - I'll add toasted pumpkin seeds, more ground pepper and salt. (I love salt). My kids will put a few croutons on top. It really is delicious; especially if you like squash!

The weekend was mixed. I ate some stupid store bought cookies (4) after refusing ice cream and other treats...  I ran / walked a shorter hill course with the girls Saturday and raked up the yard yesterday. I'm scheduling Tuesday, candlelight yoga. Wednesday will be my return to WW and we'll see if I've lost any weight. No games, no weird eating patternes, real food, better attention to portions...

Thursday, November 09, 2017

STEP ONE: Go to Weight Watchers (that you already paid for...)

CHECK.

I went to a new group. It was a little strange, but packed; so I'll go again... I recognized a few lifetime members from years ago - when I actually liked the leader. The leader at this location looks like Sara Ferguson and she looks to weigh as much as I do now... My guess is that she's lost several hundred pounds and this is her "doctor approved goal weight". I don't know that for a fact, but people seemed to respect what she had to say. She also exuded a confidence that I wish I had.

WEIGHT: 191 for a 3 week gain of 4 pounds - up 6 from my lowest of 185. Why is it so easy to gain and so hard to lose! Maddening.

I spent the rest of my day grocery shopping and making some healthy options including butternut squash soup which has a mere teaspoon of oil, chicken stock and veggies - just ONE POINT... and SO GOOD!!!

I walked the dog and forced myself to sign up for yoga. The class was mild heat and foundations. It was hard and the heat... ugh... I was SO nauseous when I finished!  I am now thoroughly convinced that I can't tolerate any kind of heated yoga. I LOVED the instructor.

SO... I have to work harder if I want to see changes. It has to come from me. AND STEP ONE is done.

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Getting Over it...

My eating and tracking are way off as I consider NOT going to WW in the morning... again... WTF? Why is it so hard to see a number on a scale. It's obviously up!  AND I have my own scale just feet away and can't bear to step on... WHY IS THIS SUCH A THING WITH ME?  Weight up? Bad week. Weight up, didn't track? Don't go to WW this week? Why? Do I really think whatever's gone wrong will be righted by NOT going? Clearly I know the answers to these questions. Clearly I've lost my way. I've been eating foods (TORTILLA CHIPS?!) that I have had in YEARS... Why now? I'll have one good day, two and then ---eat candy and whipped cream from the fridge and sneak a brownie at the play. Granola bars - a piece of baklava (because it's homemade)...2 pieces of cornbread because DH didn't eat his...  How can I ever expect to lose? WHERE IS MY MOJO?

And DH is actually losing weight - probably 30 lbs since this summer - and he's looking much healthier; more on the normal side of "overweight".

I don't like how I look. I don't like how I feel. I want to be able to choose to do a 5K without wondering if I'll be last... Will I have to walk? Meh.

I need to just figure something out. I need to stop the slide. I need to get my shit together.

Monday, November 06, 2017

Just a Smidge of Apathy...

I ran hard this weekend!  Yeah me!!! I probably covered 4 of 5 miles RUNNING and I owe it all to the fact that the slower runners in our group were absent, leaving me no excuses

The weekend was mostly about the teen and her play. I went to all three shows... I am the mom.  The little one started club field hockey and her first game was Sunday morning at 8 a.m. I was pretty thankful for the end of Daylight Savings and the extra hour of sleep... Other than kid activities, I did a lot of laundry; a lot of snacking and made some bad choices with my food. I did not track. And TA-DA!  It's Monday... a day to start over? Again?

I'm going to WW this week. I'm getting on the scale. I'm owning the number and I'm moving on... I've got to make some sort of commitment. I don't want to gain. I want to lose! Why does it have to be so darn hard!

Friday, November 03, 2017

Getting My Zen On...

Proud of myself for going to yoga last night. I could have easily gone home and... Instead, I got home at 9 p.m. and went right to bed. I had a great food day... And now the weekend. I need to be disciplined. I have no planned dinners out. I *should* be able to grocery shop; make healthy meals and stay within my points. I'm running tomorrow morning and signing up for Yin Yoga Sunday morning. The teen has her fall production so I'll be full on "theater mom" helping with concessions or watching... I'm really proud of where my teen is right now.  She had a great first quarter, is applying to college with confidence, and has a seasonal job to pay her way...

Meanwhile the little one is... making me a little nuts. I guess that means she's normal.