Friday, May 26, 2017


Yesterday was a day of grazing. I started eating at 10 a.m. and just kept at it til 7 p.m. Nothing I ate was "BAD" but it was too much.  SIGH.

Today I will do better.

My weight this morning was 192.4  --- and I did catch a picture but it was out of focus. My alarm went off and I fell back asleep... I missed my morning walk. My FITBIT fell off in my sleep and I couldn't find it this morning and the DH has the day off so I'm afraid of what my house will look like when I get home tonight. SIGH. I'm feeling a little bit stressed.

The Run to Remember is Sunday morning and the little one is doing it with me. I hope she'll be her old self for one + hour. She hasn't trained, but it's *only* 5 miles. They have a big race expo tomorrow which should help get her excited about it. She's such a teenager.

Cookout on Sunday and relaxing on Monday...

Thursday, May 25, 2017

THURSDAY - Exposure Therapy

I forgot to weigh first thing and had already downed my water and first mug of coffee so I considered not doing it and then... I decided to call it Exposure Therapy and hopped on the scale.

Wow - 2lbs up? And its probably 30 ounces of liquid... And the sky didn't fall... I'm working MY program and I am confident that today will be a great food day because that's what I'm focusing on.

I went to spin yesterday, went way over in steps and ate decent. I was SUPER hungry for some reason and settled for MALL hibachi - teriaki chicken with vegetables - no rice.... but then caved on a rice crispy treat and made air popped popcorn with butter for my dinner because I just craved it - carbs? sweet? who knows. Was I stressed? YUP.

The teen lost a school election. She was bummed and I was nervous and disappointed for her too. I tried not to feed into her emotion and step back. It was not easy. The little one is being a TEEN. She was all excited about a her student council election. We went out, bought all the things necessary for her awesome campaign poster and she is now refusing to bring it to school to hang up; and is reconsidering her decision to run at all. (nothing to do with her sister). Whatever (UGH!) She applied for and was hired at the local supermarket. We did all the running around to get her work permit signed and submitted and she's been waiting a month now for them to call her and schedule hours. I told her to go in and talk to the manager. She's refused and doesn't think she even wants to work there. I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT!  It made me SO mad I could not even talk to her.

I know they both need to feel and experience the consequences of their actions. It's painful to watch them lose at something they tried for... but even more painful to see them not even try... It upsets me to think that my kids either don't appreciate how great they have it; don't understand how much they are given. I am all done giving. My girls need to grow up. They need to understand that things are not free. I will make sure  they are fed and clothed but I'm all done with the extras - If they want something bad enough they can pay for it themselves.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Official Wednesday Weigh in... On a Wednesday!

OK - Here it is. One solid week back on the wagon... from 196.7 to 190.3. I am 3.1 lbs over my lowest, but I've made a dent in the weight gained over the last month. I am headed in the right direction again. PHEW!

Of course I want it FASTER, and of course I know that it doesn't work like that... I know that I have to just keep stringing together days of healthy eating, exercise, accountability. That's it.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Tuesday morning...

I was getting a little annoyed. I had a decent day yesterday and I don't know what I was hoping for when I got on the scale this morning. If I were talking to a friend who had just climbed back on the wagon, I would say "Hey, you had a gain over two weeks; and it will probably take two or more weeks to get it off. Be diligent, and have patience; it will happen." 

Of course I had to contemplate stripping in the bathroom - moving the scale to just the right spot - removing my Fitbit, glasses.... STOP... It just is... I will probably not see the 180s this week and it's OK. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing now. (Easier said than done). 

And I'm just so sick of it!

Monday, May 22, 2017

Being OK at DOing OK

Could the scale be helping me? Weighing in every morning definitely keeps me thinking - and it's a good thing. I had a busy weekend with parties Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. There were temptations and times when I could have made better choices. Alcohol is definitely a catalyst for bad decisions, but thankfully I don't drink often - usually just special occasions or nights out.

I weighed in each day and each day showed gains, but I'm not alarmed. I'm back on track today and moving forward. These are just temporary. I exceeded my step goal, but did not drink enough water yesterday. Today I will; and I'll get to the gym. The school year is winding down and so are the activities.  I'll have more time for me since the kids are relying on me less. Change is good.


Saturday, May 20, 2017

Can I make it FOUR?

This was this morning's weight before my run with the ladies, now 3.3 lbs from my lowest and still moving in the right direction. I have made it 3 solid days of good food 10K+ steps and I'm continuing to remain focused on TODAY. I finished 5 miles strong - the first three were tough as I had to keep up with the fast one, and my older sister - "the coach". The last mile was slower as we were on our own, but I added some telephone pole sprints to keep it a high intensity workout.

I came home and made 2 eggs in pastured butter to make up for no bulletproof coffee this morning. I bought a coffee at the corner market and smoked almonds for my pre-run. I was a little miffed at myself for the nuts, but I'm over it and no damage was done.

I have to head to my nephews fencing competition - filling in for my sister, and tonight we have a benefit dinner. I'm sure it will be pasta, so I'll be sticking to salad only. I'm working on a Whole30 template... so no cheese which will rule out filling on appetizers.

Tomorrow we have a brunch buffet out a at a restaurant for my little ones confirmation. I'm planning in advance what I will eat and making sure to choose an inside seat so I won't be tempted to make more than one trip. If I can make it through that the rest of the day will be cake!

Friday, May 19, 2017

Reigning it in...

I have 2 good days under my belt and intend to weigh every single morning - just like those people on the National Weight Loss Registry. Successful maintainers weigh daily. It's just a moment in time, just a number, and it matters.

Perhaps I was bloated Wednesday - who knows? This morning I was 191 - still up 4.8 lbs from my 187.2 a few weeks ago, but moving in the right direction. I'm taking it one day at a time.

I'm focusing on hunger cues, limiting types of food, but not quantities. I'm logging my food into MFP, but not obsessing about macros. It's only 2 solid days and I aim to make it three. The hardest part of the day is between 2 and 7 p.m. I'm done work, the kids are home from school and I find it hard not to graze for 4 solid hours. I know I need to get out of the house, keep the TV off and plan dinner in advance. I'm seriously trying to repeat what I did when I was in the groove - reading back in the blog and my journals. What's I've learned is that I've done these last two days and now I just need many more of them strung together.

I've already proven to myself that I am capable and I can do it again; I'm doing it now in this very moment.

Tomorrow is my 5 mile trial run in prep for next week's race... The friend that is running with me has done ZERO training - she's missed our Saturday runs a lot because of work. I'm deciding if I'll hang with her or if I'll run my race. I'm leaning towards the latter.