I am NOT giving up on this weight loss thing. I want to be a healthy example for my kids. I don't want to obsess, but I know that I have a problem with food. I think about it all of the time. If I am not eating, I am thinking about what I am going to eat - or a times, what I have already finished and how guilty I should be for it. I don't want my kids to grow up with the same issues I have faced with food. The good thing is that neither of my kids has a weight problem yet. I was overweight at 6 and it just got worse from there. I was the only kid in my family with a weight problem. Although my sisters now struggle, neither of them have ever experienced being teased, talked about, or chosen last because of FAT. I know I need to get over it. I know I need to learn to love my body and the person I am - not an image that I think I need to have to be worthy in this society.
And for all this, I haven't been really trying to lose weight. I go through the motions. I go to WW, log my food, but I continue to eat more than what the plan allows. I eat when I am not hungry, I don't plan. I don't know why. Am I lazy? Is there some sort of reason my body needs to stay fat? I am serious. Why can't I just shut my mouth? Why can't I just NOT EAT? Why does this issue suck so much of my time? I keep thinking about how much I would have personnally if it wasn't for my connection with food. More money from not eating so much, more money from not having to go to WW or buy diet books and magazines. More time - MORE free thought devoted to anything but food or fat. More focus on improving my run time, not shrinking my waistline. I don't want to be 100 and wonder what happened while I was busy trying not to be fat. UGH!
Rant over. Struggle continues. Minus .2 at WW for the grand total of 5.2 lbs since returning to ww this summer. WOW... I am not giving up. I don't care how long it takes - I just hope it's not the rest of my life.
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