I cancelled my annual physical today. I don’t want to know
my weight, and I don’t want to see my doctor who is a little judgey or maybe that’s
just me… I’m still feeling fat and slightly out of control with food and I know
there’s no magic bullet. I need help, but can’t bear to hear another lecture on
the merits of a low fat diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables. I don’t need
commentary on the health benefits of regular exercise and I don’t need “the
look” of “you are too big for me to
believe that you ever exercise” Yes, I know… there are many voices in my head
and they are not nice. Yes, I know my doctor probably assumes nothing… *sigh*
Vacation was fine. I ate what I wanted and drank more than I
usually do. Homemade peanut butter cookies; cereal, vodka…. I did not exercise
as I intended. Much of the time I went with the flow, played Julie McCoy for my
daughter and her friend, or hung out with my sister, mother and nephews. There
were times I would have rather been home; it was really hot and one day on the
beach was enough; walking and hiking were not always pleasant options. It
wasn’t WOW, but it was nice to be away.
I ended up leaving a day early. My neighbor called when my
dog developed a hot spot and she wasn’t sure what to do. Treating hot spots is a
“process” with a doodle and can quickly get out of hand. I made it home by
noon; leaving the DH, and the rest of the clan. They were fine without me and I
had 24 hours to myself with the dog – who thankfully was fine - and the cats – they missed
me lots!
And work missed me too; the fun never stops… meh.
I’m anxious for no good reason. I am restless. I want to do
something and I’m stuck doing nothing. The little one leaves for camp Sunday
and I’ll have no responsibilities outside of the animals and myself. I don’t want to waste the days. I’m thinking
about WW again… I’m thinking about taking a Beginner Yoga / Meditation series…
THINKING… and that’s not DOING. I’m
scheduled to visit a friend, but I’m not sure if I’m up for the drive alone.
The DH finishes his job on the 12th and starts the new on 8/14 and
doesn’t want to go with me. Still mulling…
I’ll give it a few days and see if I can’t bust out of this
post-vacation funk…
4 comments:
I hate when I get in that frame of mind. The only solution for me has been to keep busy and faking it til I make it!
Great that DH got a job so quickly! Hopefully that has relieved some stress for both of you.
I truly hope your doctor is not that judgy! Their job is to guide and coach and assist not judge. But as you said,we are our own worst enemies.
Sorry you're in a funk :( I hope the dog's hot spot is doing ok.
see what self-care you can give yourself to buck up. if not, maybe a mental health appt might help you feel better? I think I'd do well with one (or even a few) myself. take care. ~wendy
Oh therapy... Sometimes I feel like I need a life coach more than anything... With my daughter and her 'issues' I have had too many hours to count... REALLY... I don't think I'm depressed - I can usually feel the slide... It's more of a BLAH feeling; stuck on that speed bump; need someone - or me - to hit the gas....
TRYING to fake it... Man I hate that word "trying" ... If that doesn't work- I'll make the call - thanks for checking in Enz and Wendy - I really do appreciate it!! !
It's great your husband has found another job. Congratulations to him! I get into moods like that, just blah, and if you ask me what is wrong, I couldn't really pinpoint any one thing. Those are the times I have to force myself to work out, but it is really is worth it later, breaking through the whatever mood.
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