Sunday and the Holiday Stress is Well Underway...

I'm in charge of pies and cranberry sauce; also stuff celery (creamed cheese and olives) a traditional Thanksgiving "must have".

The teen had a mini breakdown this week. It was my first real tear-filled, victim, black and white, depressed, you can't do anything phone call, at work, that immediately filled me with anxiety. It's amazing how the feelings rush back... what can I do, how can I fix, who can I call?.... Be calm, validate, listen, don't offer advice... Much later I reflected on my reactions... I flew into action, almost as if it were a reflex, when all I really needed to do was listen and let her process her feelings. She felt better in just a short time, I did not.

It's still on my mind.

I pick her up Wednesday with her "best friend." I volunteered to drive the friend home (another hour beyond our house) because as few parents as possible should have to be on the road Thanksgiving eve. I'm looking forward to the weekend. I want it to go well, so I'm scheduling events that I shouldn't have to do with a 19 and 16 year old, spending money we don't have. Sigh.

The little one can't wait for her sister to come home. She misses being able to go places. She misses not having any one else to blame things on or a partner to bitch about the mean mean mom.

The little one is still mad because I won't sign her up for a high school trip to the Galapagos - $3900 Really? Not even a thought in my mind that this would EVER happen. I almost thought she was joking when she asked, and I'm still amazed, angry, sad at her reaction to no - indignant, entitled.. What have I done?

AND I'm stressed. The credit cards are higher than I want them to be, the next round of tuition payments starts in less than a month, just in time for Christmas. Oh Christmas... Why is money the first thing that comes to my mind?

My weight was exactly the same as it was the week I started weighing again - 184.5. I need to make some progress this month. I want to weigh less Jan 1 than I do now, than I did last year? I didn't make it to the gym last week. The threat of snow, then the snow... November? Really? For anyone who has read my blog, you know how much I loathe winter...

I'm off to walk the dog around the lake. Temperatures are in the 30's and won't go higher; there's still snow on the ground, and I will embrace it; soak in some vitamin D and enjoy the day.