Know Thyself

Lyn at Escape from Obesity, had a little survey this morning that I thought I would take. Today is my birthday. I am 42. I want to make the most of my 40's and I want to really get to the crux of the matter with my weight and body image once and for all. SO...

1. What types of food were you most likely to overeat? Salty anything - I can eat a can of nuts, a can of pringles, doritos, french fries. I also like a good dip to go with them.
2. What times of day did you overeat most often? I can over eat from 2 pm til bedtime. For the last 3 months I have given up TV. This has helped a lot, but I don't know how to manage myself when the kids get home from school, and I have to make dinner.
3. What feelings were you having most often when you overate? NUMB - Thinking about what's next... After the episode, I think WHY?
4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder? Binge - sometimes, but I am more of a grazer. I have had other issues with purging - but I think I've grown out of that.
5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain? Life was much simpler when I lived by myself. Boyfriends and husbands make you fat and kids keep you that way (or maybe it just feels like it sometimes).
6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight? Sometimes I wish my mom had been more diligent about helping me lose or maintain versus the "Are you sure you want to eat that" nudge at a party...
7. What other behaviors made you overweight? I tend to eat alone. I hide food or wait til people leave or plan my snacks based on when the kids go to bed. I don't know if that' s a disorder, but I don't think it's normal.
8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight? I have been active regularly for the past 5 years. BUT I think that it's kept me fat in a way because I feel as though I am justified to eat what I want because I spent time on the elliptical or took a spin class. Rather than using the calories burned for additional weight loss, I used them for my snacks. Hence, I have pretty much maintained my weight for the past 5 years (between 190 and 210)
9. Why did you choose that activity level? Because that's what they say you need - at least 3x week.
10. What made you finally want to change? Spinning my wheels - Doing the same things day in and day out and not making any progress. I have not been under 190 since 1996 when I quit smoking. It is my psychological wall -- Everytime I get close, I have a bad week or my scale breaks or I get sick or SOMETHING to derail my plan.

This time it is different because I know what hasn't worked. I know that I need to do things differently. That includes calorie counting, journaling, intensive exercise and support through my online community. I have not seen the 180s yet and while I don't think I've gained any weight over the last two weeks since I've weighed, I don't know if I could have lost any. This past weekend I ate and drank more than usual. I've been sick and not into exercising. I've recommitted and I am back on track (day 2), but with school vacation it will be hard to get in my regular exercise. Part of me thinks I should get healthy, do what I can and get back on the wagon Saturday with my sisters --- I am not going to beat myself up over it. Just do something... Right?