Just Doing It

I did not sleep well last night. At midnight, DH kicked the vacuum cleaner I left at the bottom of the stairs (he had to make sure we all knew it hurt). It woke me right up and that's pretty much how I stayed even as the alarm went off at 5:00 a.m. I had one fleeting thought that I should just stay home this morning; after all I didn't sleep well... but then I got right up. I didn't even think as I put on my bike shorts, grabbed a headband and quietly went downstairs, careful not to trip on the vacuum.

I won't say that the class was my best effort. I was indeed tired, but I didn't slack and I made it through. I am proud of myself. LIFE HAPPENS all the time, but you just have to acknowledge it and move on with the plan. There can be no more Monday starts to my exercise or my diet. The time is NOW and I just need to DO IT--- Like I need to finish vacuuming...

I didn't weigh in this morning, but I have my annual checkup this afternoon so I'll just make whatever their scale says my weight for the day; which I am sure will be 5 pounds more than my scale ... isn't that always how it is???

Procrastination will not win!

I will clean my house this morning - or at least put a dent in it. It is DISGUSTING -- like the Board of Health would be hard pressed not to put the condemned sign on my door....

We have a small "antique" house, which translates into tons of dust, spiders and no closets! People just didn't have clothes in the 1800s. SO winter clothes need to go to the attic, things too small, too big, stained or not worn in the last year need to go to Salvation Army. I've been threatening to get a dumpster for a basement/attic clean out, but now I am serious. Things are getting a little out of hand. The worst thing is that it makes me anxious. I crave organization. I can not stand when people don't pick up after themselves or respect the work that goes into a clean house. That makes me sound anal, but if you saw my house right now you would not think that. I just want mostly clean, and mostly picked up. GROSS doesn't cut it, and I've reached my breaking point.

This could just be my mind's way of procratinating... b/c I am scheduled for a long run today, but I don't care. I need this time alone to regroup and the run will have to wait. I had a great run Monday, a good spin Tuesday so a break today won't kill me.

My diet is AWESOME. I think that finally having people notice the loss is definately helping me stick to the plan... And, it's more than keeping me from eating - it's keeping me from wanting to eat which is a totally new and exciting feeling for me. It makes me believe for the first time in a long time that I am in control and that my goals are in the driver's seat. Temptation is just not there. Of course I know how life can turn on a dime, so I won't get too cocky. I'll just try to focus on this feeling and be happy that it's going well. (We'll also see how it translates on the scale - so far so good, back down to 183.5). I SO want to break into the 170s!

TGI MONDAY!

There are a whole host of reasons for being glad today is MONDAY:

1. The kids' school vacation is OVER. I had some fun with them, but routine is good. Everyone was tired and cranky (me included) and it felt good to wave to the school bus with both girls on it.
2. My husband is at work. I love him. We had a good weekend together, but the house is trashed and I can't get anything done with him home.
3. My diet is back on track.... I had a birthday and an anniversary and the kids were home and we ate out ALOT. I wasn't surprised to see 186 on the scale this morning (a gain of 5 big ones!!!); but it's just temporary... I feel a solid 7 days of good living coming my way.

I ran 5k this morning; it should have been a 10k, but I'll take it. I ate my oatmeal for breakfast and I'll need to shop today or tomorrow to restock the fruits and veggies.

I am getting excited as the June triathlon approaches -- and nervous too. I'll have to step up the training. I am planning a 27 mile bike ride this Saturday with the sisters. I need to be covering the distance. Tomorrow I will spin early and swim before I teach class, finish a LSD run on Wednesday (I'm going to shoot for 7 miles), and spin again Thursday. My attitude is positive. I hope it stays that way.

I'm going to journal my food religiously again (I kind of took the last week off) and weigh myself daily to hopefully lose what I've gained and maybe see the 170's eventually. My challenge will be MAY 9th 170s.... It's possible.

A little irked....

One of my "teammates" for BigLoser competition at the Y bagged last week. She didn't weigh in and she didn't finish the workouts; and in effect we are eliminated from the contest. One week and we would have won a prize --- we've been in 2nd or 3rd for the entire competition. I am a little irked. I don't like it when decisions are made for me; I don't like when people don't fulfill their end of the bargain.

As for the competition, I've lost 12 lbs (an average of 1 pound per week) and I am glad for that. I am asking to have some form of this "contest" to continue on. It is nice to be accountable --- it was the only reason I ever went to WW to be honest. I will still weigh in this Friday too.

Today is my BIRTHDAY. I am 43, though I feel like I am too young to have this number. I don't weigh what I wanted to, but I am still as committed to continuing the fight to lose the final 25 lbs. I want to have a great race season; I want to feel good about myself; I want to bust out of my depressive symptoms and move forward. My DH and I are going to spend the day together this Saturday - the first in a LONG time (like a year?) and hopefully we'll be able to reconnect and start fixing our relationship. We are a family for better or worse and I am realizing that I have to do more to make it better instead of being so down about how sucky it is. Maybe then I'll be able to FEEL better...

At least it is SPRING. I love the light, the new growth, and the fact that I've got very little grunt work left in the yard. The fun stuff is coming -rearranging perenials, buying some flowers and veggies. My neighbor and I are going to do a garden together.... This Saturday my sisters and I are getting the bikes out for a nice ride --- the official first of the season! I get to wear my new stuff (helmet, screaming orange shirt) Yeah!!

Exhausted...

Being exhausted gives me permission to eat whatever the heck I want. No, it doesn't, but I do feel like it should. I could really use a "prize". I exercised (albeit, not always according to the schedule) 6 days this week. In addition, I raked 3/4 of the yard and spread a heck of a lot of mulch. This morning I ran 6.3 miles (and walked a little of it...) with my sisters. It was our LSD day. I finished the yard when I came home and just got out of the shower. It is 3 p.m. and I think I can safely have a glass of wine. Tomorrow is my DAYOFF... even though I have to work at the library at 1:00.

As for my WEIGH IN, I stayed EXACTLY the same. 180.5. My birthday wish (since losing 5.5 lbs by Wednesday seems impossible) is to be BE in the 170s. PLEASE!!!!

One of THOSE mornings...

Got up at 5:00 a.m. to spin. Nope - not feeling it, but went anyway and made it through the class. I've been fighting something for the last 2 days and my workouts have suffered. Yesterday was supposed to be a LSD run, but ended up as a 3 mile walk with the dog instead. At least I got out and did something, but that's not going to help me through an olympic triathlon in less than 8 weeks. I hope to get my sisters to do LSD on Saturday instead since it's supposed to be raining and not good biking weather.

Tomorrow I have to weigh in. My weight was up this week because of Easter indulgences, but with the way I've been feeling lately I am hoping to see a loss by morning. I'll take it any way I can get it! I still have that 175 number in my head for next Wednesday; something tells me it's overly ambitious, but I'll still keep trying.

I've got much to do before I have to go to work at noon. Paying the bills is high on the list as is dropping off my daughter's cello at school. This morning was yet another "I don't want to play the stupid cello anymore!" fight. My position is that she needs to finish out the year (a whole 4 more weeks) and then she never has to touch the instrument again. I really have a 'thing' about quitting, and my rule is to finish and don't do it again if you don't like it. The only thing it doesn't apply to is food -- no clean plate club at my house. So, if you sign up for basketball and you decide you don't like it, finish out the season and don't join again. Not really into skating anymore? Finish out the session and don't sign up for anymore. Sign up for an Olympic Triathlon... shut your mouth, do it and if you don't like it never sign up for another... NO QUITTING!!

What's up with me today...

1. I got up at 5 a.m. to SPIN. I wasn't feeling it, but I went anyway and now I feel superior.
2. I don't know who came to my house and destroyed it. Easter grass, candy wrappers, clutter and STUFF I didn't even know we had, all where it's not supposed to be. Who is supposed to pick up this mess?!
3. Where have all my bloggers gone? While I procrastinate away the only 2 kid-free hours of my day; I realize that I have NOTHING to read. My favorite bloggers are too busy to entertain or they've let their life get in the way of writing. COME ON PEOPLE!!
4. I have my first OLYMPIC DISTANCE triathlon in 8 (EIGHT) weeks. I am feeling woefully unprepared, scared and like I am going to be LAST. I know it's about the doing, the challenge, and the race is against my self, BUT no one wants to come in last.

I guess I better go empty the dishwasher.

It's a good thing Easter is on Sunday...

I am SO glad the holiday weekend is over. I did NOT diet. I did NOT over eat, but I did have what I wanted (some jelly beans, chocolate, cookies, ham...) and now we are DONE. I have 5 days to make it right and hopefully eek out a loss for the week. We have 3 weigh ins to go !

In addition to the end of BigLoser, I have my birthday coming up. I desparately want to weigh 175. It is HUGE mental issue with me, but for the last 10+ years I have started a diet at the New Year with the intention of losing enough weight to reach the 175 mark by my April birthday. Obviously, that has not happened. However, this year I am 5 lbs and 2 weeks away from my goal (versus 20 or 30 pounds) SO it is possible; and I REALLY WANT TO MAKE IT HAPPEN...

I don't want to write this post and then go eat through the day. I am going to be as dilligent as possible --- journalling and sticking to my exercise schedule. This a POSSIBLE GOAL... I will not sabotage my efforts!

Workouts this week: Today - SWIM!! Tuesday - 5:30 am Spin class, Wednesday - RUN (LSD), Thursday - 5:30 Spin class, Friday - Run (tempo), Saturday - Intervals (and maybe a bike ride?). The weather is supposed to improve by the end of the week, so I may opt to ride with my friends Friday morning instead of (or maybe in addition to) running. We'll see how it all shapes up. I am feeling really good about my fitness level and think I'll be in fine shape by June 15th.

Off to the gym!

Loser of 1 and the 170s are that much closer...

I can't tell you how much I wanted to break through to the 170s. I could have cancelled last night's dinner out with friends (and I thought about it), but honestly I need to get a grip. Gulping down a SLIMFAST to maximize my weeks' loss vs. a leisurely grilled chicken salad, low cal vinigrette, water (no wine) and a chocolate covered strawberry for dessert. Hmmm... what would you choose? I will lose weight.... eventually. Next Friday is the end of another week, another weigh in and another opportunity to move closer to my goal. Two weeks of Big Loser to go...

I had a great week. I don't know why it was just 1 pound; and that it's been 3 weeks of basically staying the same, but even if I continue at this rate, I'll be at goal in less than 5 months! AND more importantly, this will be my lightest racing season yet. I can already notice a difference in my running. I can wait to test it out on the bike! SO -- Mother nature.... Could you please send some spring weather to New England? 40's and Easter just don't go together!

Make it through the day...

I weigh in tomorrow morning. I am determined to see a NEW number. I do not want to screw up tonight (I am meeting friends for dinner). I will only order a salad. I will not eat bread. I will eat asparagus. I will not eat dessert.

Exercise has been great this week. Food has been great as well. My mood, however, is depressed and I really want to snap out of it. Stress about family issues is to blame. I do not want to start taking antidepressants again. I am trying to go the hollistic route - exercise, good food, vitamins... I will give it another week or so and then I may have to give in. When you know your body, you know what works... and this is no way to be.

So far, so good

Yesterday was the first day I was under my calories in weeks. I also went to bed slightly hungry and for me that is good. I WILL SEE A GREAT LOSS THIS WEEK!

Exercise is great as well. Yesterday I opted for a Long Slow Distance (LSD) run. For me, still rebuilding, it was 5 miles, but it was GOOD; no, it actually felt great. I was strong, it was meditative, just what the doctor ordered. This morning I had an awesome 5:30 am spin. My legs were definately tired, but I stayed strong -- pushed. I have to work today lifeguarding, so I may jump in the pool depending on my motivation. If not, I'll swim tomorrow; spin Thursday and run Friday... and weigh in...

Weekends are not diet friendly...

Commitment... Resolve.... Weekend... Slips...

It was a hard day yesterday. I started out with a few munchkins(4) to go with my coffee while I waited in line for 2+ hours. It was registration day for our town's summer programs and competition is fierce. I got the weeks and camps I wanted and met my mom for breakfast at Paneras. I had fruit and an egg/cheese breakfast sandwich. I went home satisfied... Later, we had lunch out at a local fresh-mex place. I chose wisely, but ate too many chips! I also added some small snacks throughout the day ---though even the good ones add up--- and then dinner out with DH. Again, I chose wisely - one glass white wine, and split two appetizers -- seared tuna, cucumber salad and lettuce wraps at PF Changs (yum). The royal mess up came when I ordered a banana eggroll with coconut icecream for desert. DH didn't like it and I ate the whole thing!!! To tell you the truth it was NOT worth the calories!

I felt bad. I dreamed of turning back the clock and choosing something else -- one of those LITTLE shot glass desserts... Why did I have to pick the BIG ONE?

This morning I am back to healthy oatmeal, banana, skim milk for breakfast and an eggwhite omlet on a fiberone english muffin for lunch. I have to work in a little bit, and I'll be sure to pack a healthy snack (apple, fiberone bar). I won't have much time to exercise, probably just a short walk with the dog, but tomorrow is a new day and I have 5 of them before I weigh in again.

Big loser contest has 3 weeks to go... This week will be a good loss. I just know it! Tri training is on track - I feel healthy and strong!!

Not a Loser, Not a Gainer...

This is really getting boring. 181.5. It is the same thing I weighed 2 weeks ago and aside from one not so great day of eating, my exercise and food have been stellar this week. I thought about picking my kid up from kindergarden and heading straight to the nearest restaurant. Then I rethought that plan in my head. What would I order? A sandwich or panini (I kind of had Panera in mind) with a bag of chips and the other half of my daughter's lunch that she never finishes.... Not a great idea for someone trying to get into the 170s.

What would the girl who wants to lose weight do? That girl would try harder. She would leave the dreaded scale with resolve to switch things up, plan meals, continue exercising with vigor and get on the scale every single morning. I NEED TO BE THIS GIRL.

I came home. I had a Slimfast b/c I was SO hungry. I had a glass of crystal light b/c I was thirsty. I openned the fridge at least 10 times, but I am not really hungry and it's not time for lunch. I got nothing. After my daughter gets off the bus I will make her lunch and me a sandwich as well. I will bring her to a playdate and run some errands. One will be to go to the grocery store and by a few bags of salad. If I need to eat, I can eat salad without doing any damage. I feel good that I have a plan. Success is NEVER easy. Next week I WILL see a new number. No Excuses.