Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Broken - Day 5

Healing on the outside, but the inside is still trying to figure out why this happened and how it's all going to play out. My kids are home and my siblings, rather than sending flowers, have sent their cleaning woman. I feel weird sitting here while someone else mops my dirt, but I also have to admit that it will be SO nice to have a CLEAN house. Of course the kids will trash it as soon as I leave for work, but maybe, just maybe they won't and I'll be able to sit tonight and soak in all the cleanliness...

My mom is going above and beyond and taking me to work, picking me up and helping with laundry and other stuff... I am sure she would like her life back. So many people have told me how lucky it is that she's retiring at the end of the month. I am sure she didn't do it to be my sherpa.

So where is my DH? He is NOT a helper. In fact if there's an emergency you can rest assured that he is as far away from the event as possible (in mind and spirit). He has not gone out of his way to do ANYTHING for me. He's slept late, stayed late at work so he can get his work outs in, gone fishing within minutes of getting home... I've had to ask him to take the folded laundry upstairs, after he's stepped over the basket 10x... He hasn't brought me dinner or flowers or asked me if I needed anything. It is not unexpected, but it still hurts and is super disappointing. I just don't understand how he reconciles this in his mind... How can he even relate to his coworkers why he's doing his usual thing and his wife's at home with the kids and still doing it all... and more?

I really can't wait to get myself back to normal. I had such plans for this summer, and now in a blink of an eye....

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