Apathy, but then again...

Every Wednesday after WW I say to myself: " Self - this week you will write down everything thing you eat in your WW journal. You will plan your meals, stay within your points, and make your 10% by this time next week". Come Thursday night I've snacked my way through half my weekly allowance points, missed many opportunities to exercise and started the downward slide to a Tuesday fast. YUP - I punish myself come Sunday.

I don't want to show a gain, I want to lose weight so I eat sparingly Monday (below my daily points) On Tuesday I try not to eat anything after breakfast and on Wednesday morning I don't eat or drink until after I weigh in. I make myself stay for the meeting, repeat my weekly mantra about journaling and staying within my points, and then I hurry bunny quick to the nearest D & D for a large iced coffee.

This is NOT healthy. This is no way to win the war on FAT... I really do know this - and yet - I can predict that it will happen again this week.... COMPLETE INSANITY...

I have a total fear of gaining weight; and while I know that it is all part of the process, I can't bear to see it. It's why I started this whole cycle of stupid... I keep feeling like if I could get back to where I was when I started WW in January - If I could have just ONE GOOD WEEK - I could put this bad habit to bed once and for all.

In the meantime...

• I saw a friend that I did Team in Training with at my daughters lacrosse tournament today. She didn't recognize me b/c I had lost so much weight... ( I did the Boston Marathon at nearly 200 lbs!)
• I ran the WHOLE half marathon last weekend and got my PR --- 2:36:49 ---(My next closest time was 242:44 on a flat/fast course) This was a challenging (HILLY) course and with the exception of the last mile - I felt GREAT! It continues to amaze me what weight loss can do for your run times.
• I still don't like to run. I went this morning - forced myself - and could only manage 2 miles.
• My back is killing me... It took a while, but I don't think I should do the Monkey Bars anymore....
• Academy Award Nominee doesn't necessarily mean it's a good movie... THE WAY BACK was pretty sucky and a waste of my rainy Saturday afternoon.

If I wasn't so lazy I could download a picture of my WW book, but instead you will have to trust that my weight this week was 172.4 (down .8). I have less than 2 lbs to go to get to 10% Maybe this Wednesday?