Saturday, February 11, 2012

Wanting but not working...

I seriously see myself being successful with losing weight. I can picture the scale, I can see the numbers going down, I can feel myself running faster and feeling like I could go forever. I have been there and I know what it feels like - empowered, invincible...
But how do I balance that desire with constant craving... There are days I have wanted to eat everything... There was a night last week that I had an intense need for sweets... I ate an expired chocolate Kashi bar when I should have just gone to bed. It makes no sense...
Every week I feel the clock is ticking. If I can manage to hold it together for 7 days - I will be rewarded with a good number on the scale... I start off well and then Thursday - over points.... Oh well, you still have five days.. Friday - over points... Oh well you still have 4 days... and so on, and then it is Monday...STOP EATING! Tuesday....Try to not eat at all... Wednesday weigh in... Stay the same or close to it and start all over! It's a crappy cycle and I need to break it somehow. What will it take? Who or what can inspire me? I have events coming up which help, but the closer they come the less I care?
I KNOW that I lost weight this week - I logged my food - was over my daily points lots, but used only weekly points to compensate. I didn't exercise to extreme, but I did get to the gym and I walked a tough neighborhood course twice. I ate out and went to a social event, but aside from sharing a dessert and a half order of fried calamari and indulging in a couple of homemade brownies I was ON PROGRMAM... and actually maybe that IS the program.
You can eat anything you want as long as you do it in moderation and you make allowances (save your points or cut back on other days). I definately cut back Monday and Tuesday (as is usual), but maybe that is how I need to live if I am going to lose... What if that's the answer I am looking for?

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