Thursday, June 06, 2013

Home again...

She's back. She's here.... not the girl I was hoping for, but I think I must have been delusional. After a month in a hospital she is... still my daughter. She is still 13, still not interested in hanging with me or even participating in the flow of our home tonight. I am a little disappointed - is that it? She's already tried to get me to give up my i-tunes password so she can purchase apps all by herself. What? I don't trust her?  After all she's done?  She's gone to therapy and everything? No, really - that is what she was trying to sell. All that while telling me through tears that she "knew it would be like this!!"

Here we go. It will NOT turn into the disaster we experienced a month ago. She will not destroy my spirit. She will not bully me. She will NOT get her way.  She will choose to function as a member of our family or ... What?  I am so bad with the WHAT... Would I call the police if she got violent again? Could I do that?  I think I will have to regardless of the embarrassment or pain it would cause. I can no longer enable such behavior if I intend to get well. ME the pathetic sad girl. Yes, I know it's OK to cry. Yes, I know it is hard to deal with a daughter with a mood disorder. Yes, it is a sad, frustrating, CRAZY house I live in at times. This is MY LIFE. ONE SHOT. DO IT RIGHT. I am not going to let this situation rule my life, suck all my energy...

I need a TUNE UP with my hypnosis. I am not gaining. I am not eating 'forbidden' foods... BUT I am not making choices. I am not following the program in the spirit it was intended to succeed. I need to ride more = eat less= lose weight!!!

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