When she’s tired, when she’s stressed she lashes out at her
family – particularly me. Last night it started with some swearing… When I told
her it wasn’t OK to speak that way, she responds “I don’t care. I don’t even
want to live here… Why can’t I move? Why
can’t I go to boarding school? You’re
getting a new kitchen – why can’t you send me to school? You care about
kitchens more than you care about me!” blah, blah, blah…
She can’t be reasoned with when she gets worked up… In fact
there is no talking at all... I know she’s sad.
She wants to be popular; she wants people to like her; she wants to be
normal… She thinks if she goes somewhere else all of her problems will be solved. She still doesn’t get it… THERE IS NO NORMAL. Everyone has challenges;
everyone has problems. Most are able to hide them and function. She can’t
always do that. I hope one day she will embrace her differences. Until then, I
will continue to support her, talk her down. I’ll rub her back; convince her to
go to bed. She needs sleep to clear her mind, start fresh. I am done giving
into her demands to avoid a fit. I am ready to accept the challenge of making
her face her problems instead of trying to solve them. I will not enable.
After several years of allowing her to get me amped up over
the “crisis du jour” I have stopped. I am trying to focus on being the adult,
dictating my own reactions. I know she doesn’t choose to swear, or make
unattainable demands of me. I know she loves her family. I know she wants a
good life. I will support her through this. I love her. I see many parallels with
recent teen events in the news and I am scared and sad, but empowered. I will
not let this happen to my daughter. I will not be the one who didn’t know, didn’t
care, and didn’t do something out of fear of embarrassment or money or repercussion.
It is hard to live with mental illness.
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