Drove. Waited. Office Locked.
I deleted the confirmation e-mail from my phone, but I knew it said Wednesday! I waited. Left. Deflated. I called and later received a reply:
So sorry - my bad.... I wrote "Wednesday, October 15, 11:30 a.m." but the 15th is obviously Thursday....
Obviously. I'll go back today and try again. The delay was helpful in that it made me think about what I'm doing and if it makes sense. It does. And if I needed one more reason, I bought size 12 jeans yesterday because I have no pants.... Shopping was utterly depressing.
On the home front, the DH is clearly depressed. I want to go to marriage counseling and hope that I can coax him to to go to therapy on his own. He is SO out of touch with all of us. It makes me sad and mad and disappointed. He's opting out of his kids lives, by repeating the same things his mother did to him. Not showing up or seeing any point in participating in activities as a family. For example, My youngest has her home horse show this weekend and we run concessions to raise money for the team (to defray costs, buy jumps...). When I asked DH to come out and watch his kid and help with the show he was perplexed. "I don't understand why you would want to give up your day doing that?! How much are we paying for her to ride? I'll stop up and watch her if I can, but I'm not working." Nice. The point is... we'd actually be doing something together, productive, outside, socializing with other families. Sad for him. The teen's theater group is putting on a Haunted House tomorrow night from 5-8... He's usually late Fridays (company happy hour and all). I fully expect a "late meeting" or a "software emergency". I fully expect him to miss it.
It makes me sad for my kids. Not that my dad always showed up, but he always went to the big things - plays, games, concerts... I know how much it matters. I know how much it disappoints my girls.
2 comments:
Wow, that is sad, and he does sound depressed. My father never showed up for events like this in my childhood. I didn't realize til later how that showed that he was totally checked out of my life. Though, your husband may be checked out due to depression. My question is, why does he not want to "give up his day" - what else will he be doing? If the answer is little to nothing then, yeah, that sounds like depression. I hope you can help him get help. That sounds hard to deal with. Hugs to you. Maybe there's internet support for spouses of depressed people, that can help you cope?
Luckily I have a great therapist and I really am able to separate his issues from my issues. I focus on what I can do today to make things better - not compensate for his lack of effort, just me - and making my day as meaningful as possible. I love my girls and I love being their mom - good times and bad. Their dad is going to have to do something, and I hope soon. I'm considering a call to his primary, since all my hoping will never get him to a p-doc or therapist...
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