Accountable.

So here it is. I'm back to where I started when I started this blog so many years ago. I'm upset, but not crying upset. It's more like a smack in the face; a "See, you really can't eat everything and not expect consequences." I want to get back on track - now.

I want to call in the big guns; I want this weight to be gone; and I know that it's not an overnight thing and it's not going to happen without a plan, commitment, and some amount of sacrifice. AND I know that I can do this. I'm mad at myself for letting it get so out of hand.

Step One - THE SCALE - 200.3 on October 12, 2 p.m.

I will weigh in ONCE per week - Tuesday morning. I will use the scale to track my progress, not play games with my mind or beat myself up.

Step Two - Updated Photos

October 1, 2016 - I'll post new photos November 1 and every month hereafter.

Step Three - MFP

I don't need anything fancy. I don't need to join WW AGAIN! and I don't special pills or cleanses or hypnosis or magic. All I need to do is plan what I will eat today, log it in MFP and stay within my macros. Stringing together several days will result in progress at the scale.

My diet will be mostly Paleo - though I will allow yogurt and not allow snacking on nuts. I have no control with nuts. I will still enjoy my almond milk and bars on occasion. 

I'm not drinking alcohol for the rest of the year. It's the holiday season, but I know my resolve decreases with every drink consumed and I don't want to succumb to sweets or seconds. If I want results, I have to be willing to abstain - and honestly I am not a drinker...  

Step Four - Exercise

After the scale yesterday, I convinced the kids to get outside with me and walk around the lake with the dog. The teen would only come if we could go to Starbucks after... The little one wanted to run, so we did... a little. She asked if we could do this more. She wants to be in shape. She annoyed at puberty and the extra pounds she's put on this year. Even the teen who purposely wore slippers so she wouldn't have to run asked to go to Crossfit again and wants to eat better; and she and I have similar issues with food and control... I will do what they want, and model what I can. At Starbucks I got a tall unsweetened green tea. 

I'm running the Turkey Trot, November 19. I am training to run the whole thing - which is a pretty tough course - 1.5 miles uphill and 1.5 miles down. This is my big goal for the month - everything else is a bonus.

I will also aim to hit 12K steps a day --- or a least average 12K --- I can do this and my dog will be happy. 

Step Five - Be Kind

I'm done beating myself up over this. I need to be kind to myself (again, model). Words hurt and I've gained weight, but calling myself fat or stupid or any other mean thing is pointless and counterproductive. What matters is right now and one step ahead. The past is over and the future I can't predict. Life happens - my daughter's illness is always unpredictable - but I know I can face it and how I choose to react is MY CHOICE. I choose healthy. And when I stumble, when things don't go according to plan, I choose to be kind.