Monday, September 28, 2009

Am I in... or what?

So I go to my baseline appointment. Measurements - hips, waist, and blood draw for lipids and whatever else they want to test. Blood pressure normal as usual. I just had lab work for my regular physical and it was fabtabulous. If it weren't for being fat, I would be one of the healthiest 43 year old women around.

Depressed? Yes - I have suffered on and off with depression for the last 20 years. I have been on meds and have weened myself off of them. I know that if I exercise regularly and sleep enough that I can stave off most symptoms. I like being drug free. This study is the first time I have talked to someone about my issues in 7 years. I wondered if I was still technically depressed and I wondered if I were the type of person that would fit this study.

Leaving the baseline appointment I am STILL wondering. In addition to the physical tests, I had to fill out psych forms again. I did not feel sad last week - in fact, I felt pretty good. I was psyched to get into this study. I am relieved to have a plan for my weight loss and REAL professional help to do it. My weight was 189.9 which is a 10 pound gain - BUT I was putting a stop to it once and for all.... UNTIL I got up to leave and the woman leading me through the tests says "Thank you for coming in. We'll be reviewing all of the information we have and will let you know next week if you qualify for the study." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I thought I was in and now I am wondering if because I was honest in answering the second questionaire if they think maybe I am not depressed after all? I am really afraid that after getting my hopes up, they will call me with news that I am not qualified.... That would truly throw me off....

In the meantime, I am trying to get back on track. My kids had their b-day parties this weekend and I ate cake. The rest is in the trash. I am done filling my body with crap. I rode my bike hard Saturday, and although life is currently keeping me from the gym until Wednesday, I will do my best to at least get in a few situps and a walk with the dog. I am not going to sit around until the definitive news arrives...

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