Monday, January 24, 2011

Why do I worry about success?

I have been journaling EVERY DAY. Every morsel, bite, lick... it's all in my online WW journal. I have lost 7.2 lbs. This morning I saw 181.5 - which is an additional half pound loss with 2 days to go until my official weekly weigh-in. It makes me very anxious to see the numbers go down. I don't know why.

In the past 15 years, I have followed the same pattern: Determination - weight loss - Anxiety - self-sabatoge... It made no difference what plan I was using... Slimfast, Phen-fen, Weight Watchers... I need to get a grip. I don't want to fail again. I need to break this pattern. It would be nice if I could figure out why this happens, it would be better still to not let this happen...

AM I NOT WORTHY? Don't I deserve to be happy or healthy or wear nice clothes?

In my life I have been successful at losing weight. I remember looking good, feeling good, being healthy, being thin and looking great in a bathing suit! It was freeing, but a the same time it was scarey to be noticed, to feel compelled to share my story, to feel a little bit guilty that my heavier friends were not as productive at losing.... I know that I don't have the same insecurities, I recognize what is - and I hope that I am ready to deal with everything that comes with a healthier body and mind!

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