I am 45. It still freaks me out to see the number, especially since my birthday is in less than 4 months. I don't know how I feel about getting older; though I think the hardest thing thus far is learning how people see you. In my mind I am 30.

And I still worry about my weight and how I look and I wonder how much longer I have to attain my goals... I mean eventually a 2:30 half marathon or sprint triathlon will be out of my reach because I will be too old. Certainly just doing them will be an accomplishment, but it will have to be a different mindset. I wonder when that will happen.

I feel anxious. Outside of fitness, I need to have something else in my life to shoot for. People call their children their legacy, but I don't see it. My kids are their own people - their mind - their drive - their luck - their actions. I am mom, but aside from loving them and caring for their needs - they will do the work in deciding their fate. I know i am a little 'stuck' right now because they need so much of me, but I really don't mind. I feel like I am on a train delayed - just be patient, read a book and things will move soon enough.