Really??

I've been feeling a little overwhelmed this week. Easter is supposed to be joyous - signalling renewal, SPRING?  I don't know  if the sun forgot, but my lawn could use a few rays; the snow is stubborn - and I want to rake. I want to clean it up and give my tulips a fighting chance.

My kids have been busy. My kids have been grumpy, and stubborn and messy. My oldest is having trouble in school - like could be headed to summer school if she doesn't rally this last trimester. She is her worst enemy; refuses to stay after school for help, swears at me when I try to encourage her... there is a lot of door slamming at my house lately and I don't know what to try next, except to keep trying. My youngest is getting a little "entitled". I had to remind her more than once this week that just because you want something, doesn't mean it will happen... Tough life.

My husband has a new video game and, as is his fashion, he will stay up for days until it is finished. This morning he is still in bed and late for work. He didn't come up until after 2:30?! It makes me crazy mad. But the worst thing is I have plans to meet a friend tomorrow and I know the kids will have the run of the house while he slays dragons all day. It's as if I have to mentally prepare for disaster tomorrow night when I get home and I hate this feeling. I believe it is why I hardly ever go out and why I have no social life outside of my kids. I often think of how nice it would be to go to a book club or take a class, but the times I have tried have been disastrous and ultimately not worth all the hassle.

I am still on track with my eating program, although I have thought a lot about FRUIT... oranges... strawberries... In the morning I want oatmeal not eggs... yogurt and ham are not doing it for me the way they used to... I know it's just a phase and I know that a tune up is just a phone call and an afternoon away. I look at my cousin who is 3 months ahead in the program and I am inspired. She looks SO good! I look at my aunts and they seem completely transformed. It keeps me going. Monday I will find out if I have won my office's BIGGEST LOSER competition. I can't know what I weigh or how much I have lost --- only if I've won $100 for new spring clothes. I don't feel like it's coming off fast, but others say they notice. We'll just have to see....

I went to the gym twice for a weight circuit and a few miles on the treadmill. I also walk/ran 6+ miles Wednesday. I am supposed to run again tomorrow (6 miles) which I will do since next week it will be 7 and at the end of April a 10 mile race. I need to be ready. I need to feel better!