So this morning I decided to take a picture and see the comparison - today vs. January 2006. I don't feel so different and I certainly don't know what I weigh now, but I can say that in my "before" picture I was feeling pretty good. I was training for the Boston Marathon and was up to running 10+ miles. I had joined Weight Watchers and probably had lost 10 lbs? I am guessing that I was still around 200+ lbs. (I ran the marathon at 198... wow!). My husband's company had just opened a new corporate headquarters at the Prudential Center in Boston and they were hosting a fancy cocktail party. I went shopping, bought a "little" black dress, and thought I looked really good. *cringe* They had a photographer taking shots at the door and I couldn't wait to snap a picture. How often do we go out together looking SO good?? I cut my husband out, because it could honestly serve as both of our "before" shots, if he would not have put on another 30 lbs.... I have nagged all I am going to nag - he's got to decide for himself when he will get healthy. I just hope it's not after the heart attack.
Finally I am feeling good. I didn't really want to run this morning, but I did and it was fine. My day off was productive and thoughtful. I'm working to change my mind along with my body - hard work. I have a problem with hope. I have a tendency to feel hopeless a lot of the time. I have a tendency to be disappointed with people
who are supposed to be helping me. I don't know if I expect too much or if I don't communicate with people and get upset when I don't get what I need. I haveto move beyond victim. I shouldn't have to BEAR my life because I have a right to be happy. It's been a life-long habit so it will take work to make a change. I want change.
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