Thursday, June 27, 2013

A Mess...

My daughter is a mess. She is cutting AGAIN - twice this week. She wants to go to sleepaway camp and I can't imagine they would want her there without some stability. She wants no help, no friends... She's embarrassed to try the things she learned at East House. She's embarrassed that she has depression or a mood disorder. God knows I have cried for her. I feel SO sad that she will not open up, surrender herself to the process. I can't make her do it, and all I want to do is shake some sense into her. I am SO frustrated. She's got to put in the work. She's got to want to get better. I have dealt with this life for 5 years now and I am mentally spent. I am not going to live my life for this illness. I have to accept that I can not make her better. I did not give her this illness, it is not my fault. I will want to give her every opportunity, but I can not force her to accept treatment.

I am losing weight. I am feeling pretty good. I am riding my bike; training for PanMass and I am going to put some energy into addressing MY well-being, my marriage and my future. My daughter will give me many more years of heart ache and challenge; of this I am certain.

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