Friday, September 20, 2013

Finally Friday...

I am always so thankful when Friday rolls around. Another week, for better or worse, is behind us... school is one week closer to being done for the year. Since my older daughter can't seem to do ANY homework without a cattle prod, weeks nights are filled with stress, abuse and worry... Will she do what is asked of her?  Will she put forth a good effort -- or just scribble down some numbers so it will look like it's done?  Will she ever stop being so mean and rude; swearing like a sailor... Will she ever take responsibility? Will I ever stop worrying about school? Will this be the year of the magic teacher?

Most people I know, myself included, have a magic teacher in their past. The one person who motivated, inspired... the one you wanted to please.... the class you never wanted to miss. My favorite teacher was Mr. Ewing; 8th grade Social Studies. By the time I left his class I knew my destiny... Ambassador to the UN... Politics... International Relations... A love of the Evil Empire-- the USSR... I was hooked. I want that for my kids. I want them to experience a passion for learning and an idea of what they can make of their lives and the path they need to take to get there.

As for this week - My dog was sick. My kids had colds. I didn't feel awesome myself; and my husband was a complete, unhelpful JERK... Thankfully (other than my husband), things are looking up. Kids are doing OK, I am buying a new car, designing a new kitchen (finally). We are taking on some debt, but the change feels good. I played hooky today and bought a new I-Phone with NO LINE. I actually drove to NH to save the $60 tax and felt so smug!... I have a run tomorrow with the sisters that is weeks overdue... And Sunday it's LIFE IS GOOD FESTIVAL in the rain and I plan to make some lemonade with those lemons...

Hopefully my husband will figure out what the hell is wrong and join the family dynamic again SOON . He is detached, moody, unhelpful, isolating himself in bed, at the gym...He can't seem to stand being around us at all.  He will NEVER talk to anyone so other than me --- who he's NOT talking to now so... . UGH. Depressed? Probably.... I guess this is the "For Worse" portion of the wedding vows... It's a real DOWNER. I have a hard time being patient. I have a hard time not feeling resentful for doing EVERYTHING - kids, dog, school, activities, house, yard... I want to keep an eye on WHAT i need from him and continue to ask; regardless of the answer and level of help I get. My thought is that if he'd lose some weight he'd feel better about himself and have more energy for the kids. Trouble is I am not in control of what he does or wants to do... I am only responsible for myself, my actions and my reactions.

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