Friday, October 04, 2013

We're almost there...

Birthday week is moving forward. Today is my teen's 14th and her party extravaganza - a trip to the MEGA MAZE with 4 friends. The weather is not particularly great, but we're still hoping for enough of a break in the rain to make it happen. I fear the drama that may ensue if it doesn't and I'm considering some plan B options as I write...

Work is not where I want to be today. I am so unmotivated. 2 hours to go...

Daughter number 2 is having her celebration Sunday - a trip with 3 friends to the Aquarium. She's so easy! We'll hope for a great day and call it done for another year!

Diet is going on ... I really want to drop about 10 more lbs and I really want to do some weight lifting... How I can sit each day and think its just going to happen is beyond me. My daughter asked me last night when I was going to start eating fruit. "Why", I asked. "Because you look good now." I appreciate the sentiment, but I really just don't feel the same... yet. Part of me feels flabby, part of me doesn't see that I am smaller and flabby. I wear these sizes that just don't seem right. I feel like a fraud and that's when I know that my mind is still not where I am physically. I am still shocked to run on the treadmill at a 6 and not struggle. I am still in disbelief that a medium of a brand that runs small fits...I am afraid to take the tags off b/c what if I gain a little weight? WHAT?! It's like I haven't committed to staying thin... or I don't believe that I can? I really need to work on that part of maintenance and NOW.

I need to be OK at this weight. I need to embrace it and work to keep it off, not look at it as a mistake or a a temporary fluke...I need to be OK about buying nice clothes and building a wardrobe, not continue to peruse the Target sale rack for what fits now... I am in a solid 8/10, right where I said I wanted to be. Always room for improvement, but there also has to be room for acceptance.



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