Sunday, December 29, 2013

Escaping to Clear my Head

I am at work. I needed to get things done so that I can feel OK about taking tomorrow off. My nephews are coming for a sleepover/Christmas present extravaganza and I want to be PRESENT and enjoy them. I also wanted to escape for a while and regroup. My kids are a little off; one DD has been throw up sick the past two days and the other DD is PMS-ing or... who knows!  My DH, of course, is charting his own life course regardless of what's happening at the homestead.

I am feeling really annoyed. I am overwhelmed,  feeling unappreciated and not heard. I don't know how to communicate so the family really hears what I am saying and understands my needs without being a complete bitch. Perhaps it's just possible that I gave birth to selfish and uncaring children?  I pray that is NOT the case.

I don't want to be out until midnight New Years... I want to wake up at home, take the tree down and de-Christmas the house. I want the laundry put away, the shopping done, dinner prepped. I want the kids to be ready for school on Thursday. I desperately need several days at home to pack my downstairs in prep for demolition. I want to throw so much away and take furniture to Salvation Army. I essentially need to vacate three rooms of my house. I want to be FULL ON JANUARY... And, we're going on vacation in 3 weeks... I need to stop obsessing and stressing and LIVE IN THE MOMENT. I know in 6-7 years my kids will be all grown up and done with me in every facet of their lives.  By then I'll be able to do what I want and when I want to... For now I need to just BREATHE and do the best I can.

Some days it's hard to be me.


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