Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Battle of the Bike

My husband is obsessed with having a motorcycle. He financed his first for 7K about 10 years ago without my knowledge and almost sent us to divorce court. The next was an "even" trade that ended up costing several thousand extra in repairs and other "stuff". This next one is going to send me right over the edge. We are tapped. We just finished a kitchen renovation that was WAY over budget. The kids are going to summer camp for a lot of money and we committed to a vacation in July. Money stresses me out - ALOT. He's been "saving" his bonus money to buy this new bike that has ranged from a few thousand to 13K. He promised me he would get healthy and lose 50 lbs before he purchased, but that's out the window and I've given up that he'll ever seriously attend to his health. I HATE EVERYTHING THIS BIKE STANDS FOR!!!

To me this bike is a broken promise - "I'll lose the weight"
To me this bike is selfish - forget about all we owe - I deserve this.
To me this bike is a toy - I think he rode less than 500 miles last year (and that's a stretch).
To me this bike is everything that is wrong with our marriage. He wants my blessing, he hears nothing, he can not see what I am going through, he's not willing to compromise or give serious thought to ever working as a team. There are no common goals.

He honestly believes that his life will be changed if he has this bike. I want NOTHING to do with this bike - EVER.

For now my daughter is going through a rough patch. She's trying to reconnect with old friends who were not good to her or for her. I am worried.

She's made some bad choices.

She is back to stressing out about school.

She's a cutter and has made a mess of her body. It makes me sad for her.

My younger daughter has hit puberty... everything but her period. She is moody and tearful. She is rude to me and I thought (was deluded to think) that she would never be rude to me. I am a good mom. I wonder what I've done, but I've done nothing.

I am keeping on top of MAINTENANCE. It is part of my being. I am not going to get fat again. I will not be complacent. Light on dairy - yogurt 1-3x week, still no bread, limit processed food. Good protein sources.

I am doing the ELEMENTS class at CrossFit. I can see that it works, but the expense will keep me from doing it after the GROUPON runs out. It's not that hard.

I've got to get out on my bike. I've got to start raising money for PANMASS. August will come quick and I am NOT ready.

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