Today is my last "day off" of the school year. I'm not doing anything special - just spinning at 915, laundry and picking up. My cleaners won't come until next week and it has been a while - but I am not cleaning today. My kids will be home in a blink - asking for money, a ride, or making a mess... I already have a pit in my stomach.
My 14 year old has a new boyfriend. He's nice enough (I hope) and he's not close by which is helpful since she is prone to sneaking out. He is coming for a visit after school and having dinner. I will bring him home - 30 miles round trip. I have no idea what's in store. To think that I have 4+ more years of this is maddening...
My youngest is in the midst of friend drama - old friend is being shunned for new friend and (I'll say it ) my daughter is being a jerk. I really want to get involved, but other than DON'T HURT PEOPLE, I feel like I have to stay out of it. I honestly don't understand the mindset. I don't know how someone who has had to deal with the wrath of her sister would intentionally be mean to anyone, let alone someone who has been her best friend since the age of 5? That is not what I've taught her. That is not how I am.
I just want my kids to be GOOD PEOPLE. Is that too much to ask?
As far as days go - it's been good. Spinning is such a mental thing for me. Good music, darkness and intense exercise is so good for my psyche. I just close my eyes and insist that I live in that moment. It's hard not to space about other things so I work hard for just that time to BE THERE and nowhere else. I really appreciate what it does for me. It's worth the gym membership. I should do it more than once a week.
I have NO IDEA what summer will be like. I really hope it will be a time for my oldest to regroup, and get ready for high school. I hope she makes good choices and her moods stay even. I want her to have fun at camp. I know that high school is so much better than middle school. I really think she'll do much better. She is a good kid and with a little work she'll over come many of her challenges and take responsibility for herself.
My youngest will roll with it... She's got a full summer planned - most having to do with horses. I hope the streak of mean works its way through her system. I hope her sense of empathy is heightened. She has a good heart and her entitlement syndrome is cured. I want her to appreciate what she has. Right now she does not.
For me - I want to make peace with my diet, challenge my self physically and be a better wife. I want to encourage my husband to take care of himself. I want to stop being angry all of the time. We've got to make some sort of truce with the bike and the diet. I know I'm not quite there yet - I've got the summer to work it out. For now I'll enjoy the last few minutes of quiet and get ready for the storm that is my afternoon.