Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Anxiety is my life...

I don't know why, but I am anxious and I obsess about the stupidest things. A plank of my new hardwood floors is peeling... and I'm not sure who to call and I want it fixed now... and I have a knot in my stomach about who I will eventually talk to and what I might have to do if they won't make it right... It's a 4x12 inch section of floor and I am sick about it. Did someone do something that would void our warranty? ENOUGH ALREADY! - But it's not.

I know that I am worried about my youngest. I am worried that she'll be involved (through a friend I'm not fond of) in things that she's too young to deal with...teenage stuff, drugs or cigarettes...  I am worried that she'll be associated with mean girls and miss out on some good friendships... I don't want her to lose the confidence of the adults at the barn who value her maturity and hard work. I don't want her to miss out on the fun and satisfaction that she gets from 4H while she caters to the 'friend' AND finally I am jealous that my relationship has changed and she no longer wants to spend time with me like she used to. I am a little lost. We used to work on crafts and making jelly for the fair. This year it is a chore for her and when I tell her she doesn't have to do it, she gets all pissy... It's not fun for anyone.

And then I am also worried about my oldest coming home this weekend. Transitions are tough and she's got a full plate of appointments and commitments - doctors, school orientation, dbt class... Just the commitments alone would be enough, but there's a new school and the whole transition from camp thing. It's stressing me out and I don't want my stress to complicate hers. I want to help her, but I worry that I'll just make things worse.

I think I need a good cry.

I know I should go to the gym, but now I've procrastinated so long that it's almost time to pick up the youngest at the friend's house.

I really need to exercise. Really...

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