Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Life with Issues and Hope

Summer colds really suck the life out of me!  Saturday I managed to knock out some laundry and take my daughter for some Sperrys - the 'must have' back to school shoe. We had a great afternoon in spite of my cold, followed by a neighborhood campfire to finish out the last official summer weekend.By the time we went in for the night I was wiped. My youngest finished her prep for the 4H fair and went to bed. My oldest (who I thought was in a good way) flipped a switch... She was rude and had "the look" of a kid with mood disorder.... When I mentioned bedtime she got pissy and wanted to watch TV. I knew she was communicating with someone on her phone - she had changed into booty shorts and a crop top to "watch TV".... and I thought we had made strides...  I asked her to finish her show and not stay up too late. Lots of grumbles and I went to bed. The husband was SNORING SO F-ING LOUD!! It was hard to fall asleep and then to be shocked awake at 2:30 am to a speaker shrieking low-battery was nearly death inducing... I fumbled in the dark to shut it off; immediately noticing that the Daughter was not in bed, but wide awake in the family room watching TV. When I told her to go to bed she stomped upstairs berating me for treating her like an "F-ing Baby!". I woke up one more time to the light on in her room at 4 am. She was still up. .. Is this Mania or a teenage thing? 

Whatever it was, my slumber was ruined. The 4H Fair with Daughter #2 was long and exhausting and fun. When I got home my husband had forgotten to give Daughter #1 her pills (after I checked in and specifically asked him!) and she spent the day BORED doing nothing because dad had to work... Don't even get me started... She was still in a mood from the night (morning) before (although she apologized to me for her behavior) It was a weird situation, but it's how she rolls. The husband couldn't figure out why she was "off" and I was so irritated... clueless!

It is now Wednesday, the first day of school, and the cold is getting better. The kids are gone, the husband is at work and I get my 6 hours to put the house back together, think of a good "first day of school" dinner and do a little self care... I might read my book, I might go for a run... Whatever I do, I don't want to feel like I wasted a moment! I still feel anxious and stressed about life in general. There really isn't any part of it that I feel good about - work is tedious, school has started, I'm chubby and not very motivated about exercise, my marriage is not good. I'm looking for SOMETHING and I don't know what it is or where to find it... I will keep trying because that is what I'm good at.

The first day of school always feels like NEW YEARS DAY. Renewal, beginnings, fresh thoughts and plans. For today I will check off my list and give some serious thought to what it is I'd like to accomplish and the steps I need to take to make it happen. The notion that life is a one shot deal is always on my mind.

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