Friday, January 15, 2016

The Mom Job

I call it my "Mom Job" because it is not a career. It is a place I go to earn a few bucks to cover the cost of my children's activities --- horses, plays, camp... I would never consider it career building.. in fact, it's a giant step backward. I fear I will never again be respected for my intellect.

I hate the whole "What do you do?" conversation.... My kids are older and should be able to care for themselves... Anyone looking at our family would think I should be back at a real job, and not some part time gig... They don't know that at a moment's notice I could be called to tend to my mentally ill teen. They don't know that multiple times a week I am driving to doctors and therapists or dealing with teachers; and I feel judged.

Once upon a time I had my dream job,  a position of responsibility; multi-million dollar budgets, international travel, staff... I believed in what I was doing... I was completely committed... and then I had a baby and it rocked my world. I blame postpartum depression, but I don't regret being home with my kids. For me career and family were not compatible.

So here I am... feeling like a loser in a "Mom Job".

I turn 50 this year, and it's making me stressed. Can you still be something after 50? Is it too late to put the focus back on what I want in life? Do I even want to add the responsibility of a college course or a new job to my plate - especially in light of the teen's ongoing crisis? I am so filled with angst. I feel stuck, and under utilized, but I am sick of jumping into situations at work that are above my pay grade and I'll never be compensated for... I'm sick of people assuming I don't know something or can't do something because I'm just the clerk.

I'm trying to look beyond the "Mom Job" to find something in my life to direct my energy... like fitness goals (races, hikes), but the payoff isn't the same or maybe I just haven't found my passion. I'll keep searching.

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