Week 8 / Days 2-5 and heading into the weekend.

Tuesday
F 51%, P 22%, C 27%, - Calories 1,901 - Steps  10,209

Wednesday
F 47%, P 18%, C 35% - Calories 1,973 - Steps 12,273

Thursday
F 54%, P 26%, C 20% - Calories 1,955 - Steps 10,516

The DH was on a business trip this week and I fully enjoyed the break. The house was clean, chores were done, meals were simple and schedules were predictable. The teen is the teen and I'm working on changing my mindset when it comes to being her mother. 

I had such a great session with my therapist this week. Some of it having to do with *finally* addressing my relationship with the DH (more on that later), but most having to do with parenting a troubled teen. For the last year I've been in full on Detective mode; trying to stay one step ahead; trying to prevent the next great screw up; trying to save the teen from herself. I need to stop - it's not helpful; it's not healthy.

The bottom line - teens will screw up and it's typical and expected. It's part of healthy adolescent development. My job is to be a role model, provide guidance, support, and coaching to help my teen figure out how to be responsible, confident and self reliant. It is a balancing act, a negotiation, and I will consistently have to check in with how I'm doing. Am I walking the 'middle path'?

For concerning behaviors, I have to examine what I'm doing to help my daughter. For her moods, depression and self harm I enlist the help of a trained therapist. I'm not in charge of what goes on in her sessions. All I can do is offer the help. She has to want that 'life worth living'.

She has an IEP at school and a cadre of trained professionals trying to help her. She has to want to do better.

For our conflicts at home I am practicing and modeling self regulation - not engaging the teen when she's in emotion mind; not adding gas to the fire. We have a core set of 5 things that are not acceptable in our house and we consistently enforce consequences.

For her drug use, I am offering treatment and transportation to support groups... again I can not stop her from making stupid choices, hanging with druggies...even though that is what's she's choosing to do.

I am a worrier. I need to work on getting out of my head; engaging in other things that are more in line with who I want to be in this world because I don't want to be a mess.I want to have a life worth living.

My goals for the weekend are to reign in the calories - even just 200 would be good. I need to work on planning what I will eat and not eating and then writing and regretting... I am running with the sisters tomorrow after 2 weeks off. I can't wait to catch up and kick my butt... I guess that's enough.