Friday, June 03, 2016

Deep Breaths and Standing My Ground.

I wrote a couple of posts about how depressed I've been the last month. I put it all out there and didn't publish. I don't want to be a victim. I really, really HATE feeling like this. I want to get out of this fog, and I'm not sure how... I suppose making some drs appointments would be a good first step - honoring the commitment I made to my therapist a week ago. Keeping the TV off would also help; calling a friend; reconnecting at the gym? Just DOING something - it's taking the first step that is so hard... and not...

I have 2 - 10K days under my belt and I'm trying to be more mindful about eating. I'm proud of myself for not succumbing to the fresh bread or pastries at the Farmers Market yesterday...

The teen is a little out of control. She picked a fight with me in Home Goods and blew off her therapy session all because I refuse to let her go to the beach with some stranger she met on-line. She insisted she was going anyway, but as of this morning there's been no more mention of it and she went to school. She has to work tonight and has a dentist appointment in the morning... Keeping her busy is key, however, I'm pretty sure she took beer from the fridge this week and I found a lighter in her backpack...I want her to just get to camp; though told me last night that she's probably not going because she's worried she'll be an outsider and won't have any fun. (I don't think that's the case...) She doesn't want to be stuck there all summer?! Again that was last night and there was no talk of  it this morning....

I'm giving myself permission to say NO to her; and I need to stop getting caught up in her emotion mind. Let her spout off , let her not care about anything and let it just be STATIC in my mind. I need to  BREATHE. I need to WALK and get away from her... It's so hard. AND I love her and want her to be OK.

The IEP meeting is next Thursday. I met with the teen's therapist to plan our approach and I feel very confident - our case is strong. I hope the school will cooperate and agree to our request for a therapeutic school. I know it's the right choice for her.

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