Thursday, December 01, 2016

Feeling More in Control...

I thought a lot yesterday about the dumb scale. Why am I so affected by a device and a number? What can I do to move beyond it? 

A few years ago I had success with hypnosis. Part of the program was no more scale and it worked for a while. It was so freeing and - although I was curious - I never peeked... Over time I lost weight until one day I needed new pants... Wow! Unfortunately, when hypnosis was no longer effective; and / or my thyroid quit, I had no measure of how much weight I was gaining - All I knew was my pants were too tight. When I tried to re-lose without the scale it was hard to be accountable; and frankly, there was no pay off. Just living with new habits wasn't keeping me motivated. I needed to see that the changes were working. 

And so after three years I bought a scale and was shocked - I really had no idea it was this bad. I guess I'm still having a hard coming to terms that I regained everything I lost PLUS 10 pounds!!! 

And I've lost 6 of it, and I'm going to lose the rest of it, but I have to move beyond the number. In my rational mind I know that weight loss is a process and body weight will fluctuate over time. I know that with a good diet - proper food, nutrients, macros... weight loss and maintenance is possible. I know that exercise is good for my mind and good for my heart health, but it is NOT a weight loss plan. 

In my emotional crazy mind I have tried to exercise my way out of a bad eating choice. I have restricted food before weighing to try to undo days of over eating. I obsess about a time to weigh, where I will weigh, clothes or no clothes... 

I'm working on reeling in this crazy and it's hard. I knew I would show a gain this week. Thanksgiving and parties and drinking (which I don't do much). And here comes crazy...  I actually thought about fasting Monday and Tuesday... I know I stepped up my workouts... and it had to stop....I needed to get a grip.

Weigh-in day is always Wednesday. I get up, take my pill, walk the dog, take a shower and step on the scale. I take a picture, log the number into MFP and post it to the blog. I consider the week, do a little after action review and  fix what went wrong, applaud what went right, and make a plan for the week. 

That's what I did yesterday (after a mini melt down in my mind) I have a plan for the week. So far so good... I'm committed to getting this weight off.


Enz said...

"I consider the week, do a little after action review and fix what went wrong, applaud what went right, and make a plan for the week. "

--- That is awesomeness, right there!

Lynne said...

Working on 'awesomeness" on the outside!

Thanks for checking in.... Stay tuned - Next week is going to rock!